Lloyd Christmas Dumb And Dumber (1994)
The Job: Limousine Driver
Why They Suck: Being almost too stupid to function, it’s no surprise to learn that Lloyd’s days as a limo driver are numbered. Crashing his vehicle at the airport, running from the scene and tumbling into a loading dock is what finally seals
Rubeus Hagrid Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban (2004)
The Job: Care Of Magical Creature teacher
Why They Suck: Hagrid is a fine groundskeeper, but a teacher he is not. A number of children find themselves on the wrong end of an injury during his lessons, and the rest find themselves learning rather less than they’d like. Stick to the day job, mate
Starsky & Hutch Starsky & Hutch (2004)
The Job: Police officers
Why They Suck: S and H bring about more embarrassment upon their department that it’s a wonder their Captain doesn’t keel over of a heart attack. Sure, they make a big bust by the end, but to describe them as loose cannons would be an understatement. Firing a service weapon in a busy nightclub while coked off your tits? Not great form for a copper.
Danny Role Models (2008)
The Job: Energy drink salesman
Why They Suck: Having seen his relationship take a drastic turn for the worse, Danny loses his shit during a sales drive at a local school. One foul-mouthed rant later, he finds the company car has been clamped. His reaction? To drive it into a statue, obviously.
Willie T. Stokes Bad Santa (2004)
The Job: Department store Santa / safecracker
Why They Suck: Given that all Willie has to do in the entire year is dress up as Santa, keep his head down and eventually crack a safe or two, he does his level best to muck things up. Drinking to excess, pissing his pants (on duty), copulating with large women in the changing rooms… he doesn’t do a great job keeping a low profile.
Dr. Kuni Knocked Up (2007)
The Job: Gynaecologist
Why They Suck: Given that his job is to treat women in a very intimate fashion, you’d think his bedside manner might be nice and reassuring. Instead, he’s a total douchebag. Thanks for nothing, Doc!
Byron Hadley The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
The Job: Chief prison guard
Why They Suck: Beating a prisoner to death is fairly bad practice, but letting another inmate tunnel out of their cell on your watch… well that’s just embarrassing,
God Bruce Almighty (2003)
The Job: Almighty deity
Why They Suck: He grows tired of keeping a watchful eye over his creation, and decides to give the keys to Jim Carrey. We all feel like a lie-in every now and then, but this seems a bit irresponsible.
Dr. Otto Octavius Spider-Man 2 (2006)
The Job: Scientist
Why They Suck: Setting up a fusion energy reactor in the attic of his New York apartment, with nothing in the way of safety measures seems questionable to us… so why didn’t an actual scientist realise it was a bad idea?
Gaston Beauty And The Beast (1991)
The Job: Huntsman
Why They Suck: Despite supposedly being the best hunter in the land, and incapable of missing a shot, Gaston shows up to his confrontation with the Beast armed only with a knife. Where’s his gun? You know, the one he never misses with. Error.