50 Worst Date Movies

Precious (2009)

The Bad Date Movie: It’s the feel-bad movie of 2009! Trust us, if you’re expecting romance after this harrowing saga of domestic abuse, you need your head looking at! It might be uplifting eventually, but by that point, the damage will have been done.

Impact On Your Evening: At best, a serious discussion of the film’s issues. At worst, floods and floods of tears.

Closer (2004)

The Bad Date Movie: You might think that a film starring professionally gorgeous A-listers Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman and Jude Law would be a frothy, upbeat treat. However, moody old Clive Owen is the clue. This one is every bit as depressing as one of his trademark wet-weekend-in-Scunthorpe scowls.

Impact On Your Evening: You’ll be rifling through each other’s phones, looking for evidence of bad behaviour.

Don't Look Now (1973)

The Bad Date Movie: Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie, then a real-life couple, share some passionate sex scenes in Nicholas Roeg’s eerie drama. That said, they’re also mourning a dead child and chasing after a hideous dwarf. So maybe not an ideal choice after all…

Impact On Your Evening: Sleeping with the lights on…

Teeth (2007)

The Bad Date Movie: Body-horror and romance don’t tend to go hand in hand, and that point is doubly relevant when the body-horror in question involves a vagina with teeth. Guaranteed mood-killer.

Impact On Your Evening: Don’t be surprised if he makes his excuses a little earlier than anticipated.

Kids (1995)

The Bad Date Movie: What could be more cosy than a harrowing tale of teenage sex and drug abuse set against the backdrop of HIV-era New York? That’s right, nothing.

Impact On Your Evening: Prepare for your partner to demand a clean bill of sexual health before you even think about approaching the bedroom.

Shame (2011)

The Bad Date Movie: Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan play two desperately unhappy siblings, emotionally scarred by some unnamed trauma from their childhood. He deals with it through intense, emotionless sex; she, through emotionally incontinent club-singing. Neither can find much to smile about.

Impact On Your Evening: The matter of Fassbender’s famous appendage will linger uncomfortably between you like the proverbial elephant in the room.

Requiem For a Dream (2000)

The Bad Date Movie: A journey into the depths of despair, as a group of hopeless drug addicts destroy themselves and everything around them in pursuit of their next fix. Is there a happy ending? Give it a watch and find out for yourself!

Impact On Your Evening: A mutual numbed silence is the best you can hope for here.

Men Behind The Sun (1988)

The Bad Date Movie: What could bring two people closer together than a stunningly unflinching round-up of the atrocities committed by the Japanese during WW2? You both like extreme gore, right?

Impact On Your Evening: That lovely meal you ate before the film? You’ll be seeing that again, shortly.

Nil By Mouth (1997)

The Bad Date Movie: A grubbily depressing tale of domestic abuse, as Ray Winstone’s dissolute monster terrorises wife Kathy Burke for a perceived infidelity (actually an innocent game of pool). Powerful stuff, but grim in the extreme.

Impact On Your Evening: You probably won’t feel like a few drinks afterwards…

Blue Valentine (2010)

The Bad Date Movie: A searing deconstruction of a failed relationship, featuring such cheery Friday night issues as alcoholism, abortion and sexual rejection. Mmm, romantic.

Impact On Your Evening: A swift break-up, on account of the unshakable feeling that your relationship will likely end up in the toilet anyway.