50 Strangest Censored Movie Lines

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By published

What the f***?

National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)

American Pie (1999)

Original Line: “This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.”

Edited Version: “This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my mouth.”

That Michelle, she crazy.

Slackers (2003)

Original Line: “You crazy-ass bi-atch.”

Edited Version: "You scaly bass fi-ash."

Just genius.

Shark Attack 3: Megaladon (2002)

Original Line: "Yeah, but I'm still pretty wired. Why don't you come back to my place and I eat your pussy?"

Edited Version: "Why don't you come back to my place and watch I Love Lucy ?"

Seductive. Nobody can resist I Love Lucy.

Nobody.

Casino (1995)

Original Line: “Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you!”

Edited Version: “Get this through your head, you Jew money lover, you!”

Yes, Casino appears twice – these two are just too good not to include.

Particularly in this instance, in which the dubbed line is waaay more offensive. Waaaaay.

The Usual Suspects (1995)

Original Line: “Hand me the keys you fucking cock-sucker.”

Edited Version: “Hand me the keys you fairy godmother.”

Perfect for use in everyday life.

Die Hard 2 (1990)

Original Line: “Yippe-kai-yay, motherfucker!”

Edited Version: “Yippe-kai-yay, Mr Falcon!”

The censorship bods actually renamed a character in Die Hard 2 in an attempt to give this line some meaning.

Do The Right Thing (1989)

Original Line: “Motherfucker!”

Edited Version: “Mickey fickey!”

Somebody's been taking Jive-talk lessons from Airplane!

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Original Line: “See what happens when you F a stranger in the A!?”

Edited Version: “See what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!”

Apparently you get your car smashed in is what happens. Stay away from those Alpine strangers, kiddies.

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Original Line: Will: "Does this violate the doctor-patient agreement?"
Sean: "Only if you grab my ass."

Edited Version: Will: "Does this violate the doctor-patient agreement?"
Sean: "Only if I turn around."

Oh my, that doesn't defuse any sexual tension at all. In fact, it's arguably makes it worse.

Joshua Winning

Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.