Burlesque
The Terrible: Cher and Christina Aguilera wrestle for poster space. Can Cher really still claim to be a ‘legend’?
Worst Detail: With that horrible, unflattering white-out, the poster designers attempt to make Cher less creepy – but she ends up looking like a drag version of the Scream mask.
Next: When In Rome [page-break]
When In Rome
The Terrible: Kristen Bell looks just as uncomfortable to be on this poster as we are looking at it.
Worst Detail: Horrible custard colouring, a weird aura glow around Bell, and a ridiculous car stuffed with the rest of the films 'stars'. Épouvantable .
Next: Paper Man [page-break]
Paper Man
The Terrible: Two characters from the film shoved together on the same one-sheet. With no flow or poetry. Eye-catching pants, though, Ryan.
Worst Detail: Daniels is wrapped up for winter while Reynolds stands in the dazzling sunlight. Pick a season and stick with it, people.
Next: Salt [page-break]
Salt
The Terrible: Yes, it made the cover of our brilliant re-design issue, but it’s still a crummy image.
Worst Detail: Angelina Jolie no longer looks like Angelina Jolie. You can almost see the photoshop brush strokes.
Next: Daybreakers [page-break]
Daybreakers
The Terrible: Clearly attempting to ride the True Blood bandwagon, the marketing people for Daybreakers get punny with it, turning a blood type into a catch phrase. It sucks.
Worst Detail: We know the film’s meant to be scary, but seriously - what’s wrong with that model’s face?
Next: Alice In Wonderland [page-break]
Alice In Wonderland
The Terrible: Matt Lucas gets cloned as Humpty Dumpty, sorry, TweedleDee and TweedleDum. He looks like Uncle Fester gone wrong.
Worst Detail: He may be wearing typical Tim Burton stripes, but that doesn’t stop Lucas looking like a CG abomination. We’d rather shove on Little Britain.
Next: The Back-Up Plan [page-break]
The Back-Up Plan
The Terrible: Terrible movie, terrible poster. JLo’s comeback is a horrible piece of crap right the way down to its marketing.
Worst Detail: Just because you cover Alex’s face, JLo, it doesn’t mean he won’t realise he’s in a horrible romcom with you. Just look at his strained smile. He blatantly despises you.
Next: Iron Man 2 [page-break]
Iron Man 2
The Terrible: Gwynie stands enigmatically with Stark Industries in the background. Photoshopped in, of course.
Worst Detail: Lollipop head! Gwynie clearly hadn’t eaten much that day – her entire body has wasted away to practically nothing. Get this woman a cheeseburger, pronto.
Next: Sex And The City 2 [page-break]
Sex And The City 2
The Terrible: A gawdy mess, just like the movie. Why is SJP wearing horse reins for shoes?
Worst Detail: The entire thing is just atrocious, we can’t single out anything in particular that doesn’t offend us anymore than anything else. The glitter dandruff comes close, though.
Next: Knight And Day [page-break]
Knight And Day
The Terrible: Blatant attempt to make Tom Cruise look taller than Diaz. Look how much straighter his back is than hers.
Worst Detail: Cameron Diaz’s head has been superglued onto somebody else’s body!
Next: Clash Of The Titans [page-break]
Clash Of The Titans
The Terrible: Goes for moody, ends up muddy. War cries are so last century.
Worst Detail: Why is Sam Worthington holding a picture of Medusa? Oh, that’s the special effects? We’ll pipe down now.
Next: Bounty Hunter [page-break]
Bounty Hunter
The Terrible: Photoshop goes crazy – they don’t even pretend that Butler and Aniston were in the same room for this pose.
Worst Detail: Just where is midget Butler sitting? It looks like he’s resting on Aniston’s plump derrière, but surely she wouldn’t look that comfortable if he was?
Next: Vampires Suck [page-break]
Vampires Suck
The Terrible: This movie just refuses to die! And it’s awfulness extends to its artwork, a lame rip-off of New Moon ’s promotional material.
Worst Detail: The god-awful mini-snaps of Lady Gaga, Buffy and the ‘Black-Eyed Peas’. You think that’s going to entice us into theatres?
Next: Extraordinary Measures [page-break]
Extraordinary Measures
The Terrible: Brendan Fraser and Harrison Ford descend into movie hell – they can’t even look at each other, they’re so disappointed in themselves.
Worst Detail: Lazy craftsmanship – that body blur is just plain odd.
Next: Gulliver's Travels [page-break]
Gulliver’s Travels
The Terrible: Photographer: “Here, Jack, stand in front of this green screen, lean on this green box and smile like a nerdy.” Jack: “Okay.”
Worst Detail: A horrible recreation of a miniature city, with kid-baiting bits cynically added in – want Transformers in Gulliver’s Travels? You got em!
Next: I Love You Phillip Morris [page-break]
I Love You Phillip Morris
The Terrible: It goes for fresh lemony goodness, but gets mouldy left-over lime. Bad fruit bowl.
Worst Detail: Just ‘cos you took a still from the film, stripped it of context and gave it a coloured blush, it doesn’t mean you’ve got a good poster on your hands. Boring.
Next: Afterlife [page-break]
Afterlife
The Terrible: All of it. From the dreadful photoshopping to the general composition. Look how peeved Ricci is with it all.
Worst Detail: Er, what’s happened to Liam Neeson’s face? He looks like a weird fox monster.
Next: The Expendables [page-break]
The Expendables
The Terrible: Was this before Mickey Rourke headed off to the surgeon for his latest nip and tuck? Or is that fire so hot it’s started to melt him?
Worst Detail: Wait, he’s blatantly not even there is he? That’s just an Iron Man 2 still pasted onto some cowboy’s body. Lame.
Next: Saw 3D [page-break]
Saw 3D
The Terrible: Brings a whole new meaning to ‘milky eye’.
Worst Detail: We just don’t get this one. Sure, the manipulation on the eyeball fluid is fun, but it just looks like a very odd Japanese advert for soya-free goods.
Next: Knight And Day... Again [page-break]
Knight And Day… Again
The Terrible: Seriously, how many terrible posters can one film have? No wonder nobody went to this piece of rubbish.
Worst Detail: A recreation of the film’s only half-decent scene, but horribly airbrushed. Badness.
Next: The Last Airbender [page-break]
The Last Airbender
The Terrible: The worst movie of the year gets a poster that appears to have somehow melded a movie image with a road traffic sign.
Worst Detail: He’s concentrating so hard because he’s brewing a big one. That’s our professional anaylsis.
Next: My Girlfriend's Boyfriend [page-break]
My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend
The Terrible: Has anybody even heard of this film? Judging by the poster, nobody was expected to.
Worst Detail: It reeks of made-by-crummy-TV-talent, from that cast, to the desperate addition of has-beens Carol Kane and Beau Bridges. Amateur.
Next: Takers [page-break]
Takers
The Terrible: Clearly this cast just couldn’t bear to be in the same room again to pose for a poster, which accounts for all the terrible photoshopping.
Worst Detail: Hayden Christensen, as usual. Was that a last-minute shot taken from his webcam and then just pasted onto the poster? Looks like it.
Next: Yogi Bear [page-break]
Yogi Bear
The Terrible: It’s from the Yogi Bear movie, of course it’s terrible.
Worst Detail: Did they really mean to do that? ‘Good things come in bears,' with a distinctly suggestive image of very happy looking Yogi and Boo-Boo? They must have. In which case it's genius. But still terrible.
Next: And Then Came Love [page-break]
And Then Came Love
The Terrible: Vanessa Williams finds love – problem is, the chap’s only the size of a test tube. Ah, well, what in life is perfect, eh?
Worst Detail: Is this a remake of the 50 Foot Woman? That’s what the poster’s telling us.
Next: Just Wright [page-break]
Just Wright
The Terrible: Just wrong. Common wrestles Queen Latifah for a basketball. Is that meant to signify something?
Worst Detail: Why is Latifah smiling so much? Something tells us there's something else afoot here…
Next: Dinner For Schmucks [page-break]
Dinner For Schmucks
The Terrible: Steve Carell and Paul Rudd seem to have been messing with the super glue, meaning the poster for their movie warranted them being scarily up close and personal.
Worst Detail: Carell’s teeth! They’re blinding! And so big! They’re going to put our eyes out! Too late…
Next: The King's Speech [page-break]
The King’s Speech
The Terrible: Gah, more photoshopping maladies. Whoever birthed this botched disaster hasn’t a clue about shading or positioning. A shame, we hear the film’s alright.
Worst Detail: What's with all the raised eyebrows?
Next: Dream Boy [page-break]
Dream Boy
The Terrible: Yeah, yeah, we get the title’s insinuating a dreamy landscape and all that, but this is just horrible.
Worst Detail: The blue sky background is completely Sesame Street, and has nothing to do with the film whatsoever. At least that Berlinale logo is nice and big.
Next: Boogie Woogie [page-break]
Boogie Woogie
The Terrible: Colour schemes gone mad, as this poster aims for a simple, elegant look. Fails spectacularly.
Worst Detail: That naked woman appears to have just survived an encounter with Goldfinger...
