The Baffling Poster: The Turkish poster designers for Jaws sketched Jennifer Beals from Flashdance bopping out a routine in the gaping chops of a great white.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Amity Island’s tourism industry is floundering after all the shark-related incidents. So, to keep things lively the townsfolk tame one of the beasties and incorporate it into a night club act with scantily clad women.
Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)
The Baffling Poster: Cobras! Coat hangers! Swastikas!
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: It would have been directed by the Davids Lynch and Cronenberg as a hybrid sequel to Videodrome and Eraserhead . Nowt to do with any Lost Arks but plenty of bonkers.
The Baffling Poster: The one sheet for East Germany either used an early beta version of Photoshop or forgot to use Steve McQueen’s likeness. Either way this creepy mugshot has little to do with car chases.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Lt. Frank Bullitt is a badass cop whose eyes and teeth light up when in close proximity to donuts.
The Exorcist (1973)
The Baffling Poster: In the middle of a heat-scorched plain, a solitary tree attempts to stay alive despite a mammoth snake wrapping itself around its trunk.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A tree-strangling serpent runs rampant across the desert until it faces its greatest enemy: snake charmer Max Von Sydow.
The Blob (1958)
The Baffling Poster: The actual idea of The Blob wasn’t gonna sell the flick to French cinemagoers. Instead of the gelatinous alien goop commanding central poster space, a rippled and ripped Steve McQueen stands shirtless before a cityscape of skyscrapers and helicopters.
A woman not in the film hovers nearby.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Steve McQueen IS The Hulk!
The Baffling Poster: The Yugoslavian Deliverance one-sheet demands the suspension of one’s disbelief. A river cascades from a giant eye, as the cast ride the crest of the wave in a canoe.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A trippy Inner Space sequel with a bunch of city guys swimming about getting drunk inside... well, looks a bit like Robocop’s eye to us.
Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1977)
The Baffling Poster: The Hungarian poster for Spielberg’s sci-fi epic is an intriguing offering. Two green-skinned baldies don shades beside a highway. Both are oblivious to the flying saucers circling a purple volcano.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Jigsaw from the Saw franchise investigates the appearance of a new rock formation.
The Hunger (1983)
The Baffling Poster: A rainbow-coloured lower mandible is affixed to the bottom of a clock. A clock that has no regard for real timekeeping as evidenced by the haphazard number order.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: This sombre vamp drama is eschewed for a skeletal clock on the hunt for numbers, not blood.
The Baffling Poster: This Ghanian poster takes a smidgen of artistic license with the content. The film’s rabid St. Bernard has morphed into an Irish setter.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Cujo is a killer dog loved by the neighbourhood! He only kills vermin.
The Baffling Poster: Another Polish interpretive piece, the artwork depicts the Plymouth Fury with a set of fangs instead of a fly-encrusted grill.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Same premise, except with an added backstory: Christine’s former owner was actually a vampire, who died on the backseat and was absorbed into the chassis.
The Baffling Poster: A hand-drawn Ghanian poster features a large-breasted woman clutching two cats like she’s about to snack on them, while various other felines scratch at her naked body.
The tagline, “The evil that women do dives after them!” doesn’t clarify matters.
Nor the cat growing out of the woman’s leg.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A riff on the ‘cat lady’ stereotype, the lady in question roams the streets sans clothes due to her sleepwalking. All the cats in the neighbourhood are drawn to her catnip musk and proceed to harass her, while she gets herself into a host of amusing scrapes.
The Godfather (1972)
The Baffling Poster: A line drawing of a shaggy haired mobster wielding a gun looks rather gloomy as a giant thumbs down manifests from the clouds.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: The Godfather isn’t a metaphor for the divine chap in the clouds. He’s real. Still played by Marlon Brando, this Godfather barks orders from heaven via hand gestures.
The Baffling Poster: A blue-faced figure with grassy tufts of hair appears to have been imprisoned inside a six-tiered cupcake stand.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: This version of John Carpenter’s classic sees Starman (Jeff Bridges) and Jenny (Karen Allen) struggle with basic communication on account of the confectionary contraption wedged onto his head.
The Baffling Poster: The designers of this Polish Aliens one sheet deemed the xenomorph an inappropriate icon to represent the series. Instead the artwork incorporated a reptilian head with four eyes on its head and a further eight hovering in mid-air. Like satellites.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Pacman meets Aliens in this game-movie mashup about an ugly snake head who feeds on homeless eyes.
Army Of Darkness (1992)
The Baffling Poster: The opening supermarket scenes made quite an impression on the Japanese designers for the third installment in the Evil Dead trilogy.
Lining the bottom of the main image of Ash with Campbell soup cans was an inspired choice - because that’s the surname of the actor who plays him! Genius!
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: This time the Dead goes meta as Ash travels back to the present to discover the actor who plays him has been turned into a Mulligatawny soup base by an evil bald-headed man called Moooooooon. His death must be avenged.
Sharks are somehow involved.
The Baffling Poster: This Czech design interprets the events of Big rather broadly. A cartoonish figure in a paisley waistcoat holds out three fingers while its head explodes. Velky nice.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Josh returns to the arcade and destroys Zoltar with a paintball gun.
The Baffling Poster: The Czech design features an indescribable towering creature looming over New York as it chases a red starfish.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: Identical to Ghostbusters until Gozer asks the team to choose their warrior. This time Ray turns his mind to his collection of Salvador Dali reproductions hanging in his flat.
Star Wars (1977)
The Baffling Poster: A Russian one-sheet for the classic space opera forgoes any recognisable franchise iconography, in favour of a giant robotic Sphinx head. With spikes made of lasers.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: The tussle between the Rebel Alliance and Galactic Empire is momentarily forgotten. The two opposing factions unite to battle the Robo-Sphinx, which has the razor-sharp teeth of a lion and the relentless determination of a Terminator.
One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest (1975)
The Baffling Poster: The Turkish take on One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest depicts an incarcerated Randle McMurphy channeling The Shining ’s Jack Torrance. The sidebar images randomly include a crew of zombie pirates, Shelley Duvall and Christopher Lee.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: McMurphy’s institutional escape is aided when Christopher Lee arrives on family day with three swashbucklers in hot pursuit. Nurse Ratched loses interest in detaining her notorious patient. After all, she’s got thieving pirates and a screaming Shelley Duvall to contend with...
The Baffling Poster: In this Spanish one sheet, Carrie’s enormous head looms above her house encased in a multi-coloured blossom of flame.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: The small town of Chamberlain is tormented by the gigantic floating head of a teenager, whose presence indicates someone’s house is about to go up in smoke.
The Baffling Poster: A charcoal figure in a Santa mask is totally disinterested in the Gremlin behind his back, sprung from a jack in the box.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A kiddie revenge flick, this version sees a group of kids dissatisfied with Santa’s performance deliver him his own monstrous present.
The Fly (1986)
The Baffling Poster: In this Polish one-sheet for David Cronenberg’s The Fly , it seems the marketing department honed in on one minute of the film - donut vomitry - and created an 8-bit poster based on that.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A hungover Bruce Willis wakes to find a devious fly has stolen his biceps and slathered him in pink lipstick. He makes it his mission to track down the winged thing and bring him to justice - with vomit.
Terms Of Endearment (1983)
The Baffling Poster: Below the cursive scribbles of the starring cast, a couple of telephones baring smiles face each other, both nestled in the neckline of a blouse.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A meta spin on phone sex, a pair of lonely receivers discover they’re got more in common than they think...
Rosemarys Baby (1968)
The Baffling Poster: A red-nailed adult clutches the tiny hairy hand of... an infant? And why is the baby wearing neon green polish?
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A spin-off of Role Models , this time lonely housewife Rosemary Woodhouse signs up to help tiny trolls.
Fatal Attraction (1987)
The Baffling Poster: This Polish one sheet features an illustrated snake coiled in the shape of an ‘O’ that appears to be tempting itself with a red apple.
If The Movie Was Like The Poster: A disastrous science experiment goes awry when a scientist grows a cloned human hand on the tail of a snake. The slithering hybrid breaks free of the laboratory in search of fruity sustenance.