Windtalkers (2002)
How Bad's The Film? John Woo bad. So not hideously malformed in a Frankenstein sort of way, just a bit rough and ready in a Mickey Rourke sort of way.
How Bad's The Hair? Mostly hidden under an army helmet. Probably a good thing.
So-Bad-It's-Good? It’s basically a poor man’s Saving Private Ryan . With a crap poster. So no.
Ghost Rider (2007)
How Bad's The Film? As bad as whiffy, decade old stilton. Fitting, seeing as that’s what the dialogue is like as well. Histrionic to the extreme, Cage’s attempt to adapt the beloved comic leaves us severely stunk out.
How Bad's The Hair? On fire. Uh, literally.
So-Bad-It's-Good? Not quite, it just makes you wish somebody like Darren Aronofsky had taken it on. Lucky Wolverine 2.
Next (2007)
How Bad's The Film? No excuses here for Nic, who also produced this trash. The script’s as hole-y as the Pope and equally as contrived. Bad. Bad to the bone.
How Bad's The Hair? Vaguely normal looking when the wind's not blowing. Even Nic has a good hair day once in a while.
So-Bad-It's-Good? So bad it makes you angry, especially when you see the story’s accredited to Philip K. Dick. We bet he’s turning in his cryogenic chamber.
Bangkok Dangerous (2008)
How Bad's The Film? It’s at 9% rotten on Rotten Tomatoes , based on 92 reviews. It’s fair to say that this tale of a hitman who falls in love is way past its sell by date.
How Bad's The Hair? Are they trying to make him look all Oriental on purpose? Or is it just us?
So-Bad-It's-Good? It’s not Hitman , which has to count for something. Still dire stuff, though.
Captain Corellis Mandolin (2001)
How Bad's The Film? You know that history thing? The thing that’s generally set down in books because various people have confirmed it to generally be the truth? Director John Madden doesn’t care about it. Which means you shouldn’t care about his film.
How Bad's The Hair? Tamed like a wild beast. Still nowhere near sexy.
So-Bad-It's-Good? Only with a big bottle of JD. Per person.
Gone In 60 Seconds (2000)
How Bad's The Film? So bad that Variety condemned it as “perfectly dreadful in every respect”. That’s pretty dire, nuh?
How Bad's The Hair? Compared to Angelina Jolie’s bleached blonde dreadlocks, it’s a masterclass in making do with what God gave you.
So-Bad-It's-Good? The car chases are alright, nothing to write home about. We could do without the finger wag. Stupid finger wag.
Astro Boy (2009)
How Bad's The Film? The kind of bad where even the kids watching complain they’re getting bored. Despite (because of?) jokes about Astro Boy having guns in his bum.
How Bad's The Hair? Pretty big and zany, though up-staged by a seriously over-sized shnozz/chin combo.
So-Bad-It's-Good? Nope. Apologies for predicable comparison, but it’s not a patch on Pixar.
8MM (1999)
How Bad's The Film? It’s about Nic Cage watching snuff films. Wait, is this a documentary?
How Bad's The Hair? That dim projector light makes it difficult to work out, but we’re pretty sure it’s as atrocious as ever.
So-Bad-It's-Good? “Anything but a pretty picture” reckoned Film4 . We’d agree with that.
The Wicker Man (2006)
How Bad's The Film? The kind of bad that makes you wish you’d been born in a dark, cold cave full of vipers with poisonous scorpion-sting tails and burning acid for saliva. Just so you didn't have to endure this tosh.
How Bad's The Hair? Pretty respectable. Considering.
So-Bad-It's-Good? You’re kidding, right?
Season Of The Witch
How Bad's The Film? Not quite bad enough that you’ll wish you were watching The Wicker Man . But bad enough that you’ll wish you were watching Con Air.
How Bad's The Hair? Nic, Jesus wants his 'do back.
So-Bad-It's-Good? Nearly, but mainly thanks to Ron Perlman. The man rules.
