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Superman
The Actor: Henry Cavill
Nationality: English
If The Character Was English: He’d be named “Quietly Effective Man”, and really wouldn’t like to bang on about it too much. He certainly wouldn’t strut around with a gaudy red S plastered across his chest. A monogrammed handkerchief would be as far as it went.
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: Supes isn’t really American per se, its just where he performs most of his heroics. He’s from Krypton. Although his adopted parents are Yanks so they could probably field him at the Olympics.
Batman
The Actor: Christian Bale
Nationality: Welsh
If The Character Was Welsh: “We’re the same, you and me” snarls the Joker. “Don’t think so boyo!” booms Batman, before deafening his nemesis with an ear-splitting rendition of Land Of My Fathers. “Christ Alive!” yowls the Joker, throwing himself out of the nearest window. “Tidy” grins the Bat, triumphantly.
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: Is a sickeningly wealthy, borderline psychotic really somebody the Americans want to lay claim to?
Spider-Man
The Actor: Andrew Garfield
Nationality: English
If The Character Was English: Garfield was raised in Surrey (yeah we know he was born in California, but we’re claiming him), but we fear a Home Counties Spidey would be somewhat less thrilling than the New York original. What’s that? Someone’s nicked all the bails from the village cricket team? Sounds like a job for your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man!
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: They had Tobey Maguire doing his American-as-apple-pie routine for three films. Garfield will have to go some to make this one his own.
Professor X
The Actor: James McAvoy
Nationality: Scottish
If The Character Was Scottish: Xavier heads into battle daubed in blue woad, throwing Magneto for a loop when he confuses him with Mystique. The illusion is shattered just moments later when Xavier starts bellowing “MUTANT FREEDOM” in a rich Celtic brogue…
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: Only serious X-fans would know that Xavier is American. Most of us have spent so long watching Patrick Stewart do it, we assumed he was British to start with.
Beast
The Actor: Nicholas Hoult
Nationality: English
If The Character Was English: He wouldn’t be called Hank McCoy for a start, given that it’s possibly the most American name ever coined. Percival Fothergill would have a more appropriate ring to it. Yeah, that’s good actually…a Penny Farthing-riding superhero named Percival Fothergill. Don’t go stealing it now Marvel.
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: Kelsey Grammar was brilliant as Beast in The Last Stand , and was arguably the film’s one saving grace. The English (and Welsh) on the other hand, were represented by Vinnie Jones. Say no more.
Wolverine
The Actor: Hugh Jackman
Nationality: Australian
If The Character Was Australian: “Call that a knife? These are bloody knives mate!” Yep, we can just see Wolvie as an Antipodean. Perenially snarling, shady ancestry, handy at a barbecue (those skewers aren’t just for killing you know)…he’d fit right in cobber!
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: He might be an American creation, but the actual character is Canadian-born in the comics, so he’s really no more Yank than Jackman.
Magneto
The Actor: Michael Fassbender
Nationality: Irish
If The Character Was Irish: He’d win over even his fiercest adversaries with his softly lilting accent and sparkling emerald eyes. Ha! No offensive Irish stereotypes for us. No there aren’t, to be sure, so there are….ah, bollocks.
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: Like Wolverine, Magneto might be a proud American creation, but the character is actually Polish (his family name is Eisenhardt) and spent his youth in Germany. Where, in fact, Michael Fassbender was born. See, it all fits together perfectly.
Deadpool
The Actor: Ryan Reynolds
Nationality: Canadian
If The Character Was Canadian: A superhero who’s a wisecracking loose cannon? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. This Deadpool enjoys mowing the lawn, sipping on the occasional beer (a light one, obviously) and the comforting embrace of a nice armchair. Got a litter-related crime you want sorting? He’s your man.
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: Reynolds is as gobby and brash as anything America has to offer. They should be pleased that their way of life has spread beyond their borders.
Green Lantern
The Actor: Ryan Reynolds
Nationality: Canadian
If The Character Was Canadian: Hal Jordan would be polite, quietly spoken and play things by the book, rather than a brash, rule-smashing loudmouth with an attitude problem. Probably…
Why Americans Shouldn’t Care: Ryan Reynolds didn’t manage to bag Captain America, so they’ve still got one of their own in there! Although it is Chris Evans, so maybe its not one they should really be shouting about…
