The Top 7... Stupidest Puzzles

Ridiculous riddles that defy logic, common sense... and your patience

If your answer made even the slightest molecule of sense, you clearly haven%26rsquo;t played enough videogames. Puzzles aren%26rsquo;t meant to be simple - they%26rsquo;re meant to sell hint books and strategy guides. Obstacles aren%26rsquo;t meant to be obvious - they%26rsquo;re meant to artificially lengthen the adventure!

Here are the seven most bizarre, irrational and frustratingly convoluted examples we%26rsquo;ve ever encountered. They don%26rsquo;t just spit in the face of logic... they kick logic right in the balls.


The Game: King%26rsquo;s Quest V

The Problem: While searching desperately for his kidnapped family, King Graham must cross a treacherous range of blizzard-swept mountains. He conquers extreme weather, gnawing hunger, slippery pitfalls, a ravenous pack of wolves and the cold-hearted Snow Queen herself, but one final barrier still remains %26ndash; the Abominable 256-Color VGA Snowman!

The Logical Solutions:

The Stupid Solution: Pie. Yes, pie. You throw a thoroughly non-magic dessert at the monster, who is so taken aback by the complete idiocy of the situation that he promptly falls off a cliff and dies. We don%26rsquo;t blame him.

Ah, danger averted, Three Stooges style. Perfectly appropriate for a fantasy-based, point-and-click adventure game from 1990, wouldn%26rsquo;t you say? Oh, and if you didn%26rsquo;t think to purchase that seemingly random, surely unimportant custard pastry at the very beginning of the game, we hope you like restarting!

To summarize...

The Game: Touch Detective

The Problem: Mackenzie, a budding young investigator, is anxiously awaiting a chance to prove her skills. Suddenly, her friend Penelope bursts through the agency%26rsquo;s door with the case of a lifetime - something%26rsquo;s been stolen! Something huge! Something valuable! Yes, a nefarious, dastardly thief has run away with Penelope%26rsquo;s... dreams.

Wait, what?

The Logical Solutions:

%26bull;Slap the nincompoop and tell her to come back when she has
a REAL problem.
%26bull;Gently inquire whether the dreams possibly disappeared when she...
we don%26rsquo;t know... woke up? Explain the concept of sleep and then
slap the moron again.
%26bull;Consult a mental health professional. Seriously, this girl is nuts.

The Stupid Solution: Forget our advice - this is a cutesy, whimsical anime game

and requires an equally cutesy, whimsical solution. Maybe, say, people can visit other people%26rsquo;s dreams and stuff. Yeah. Using a crazy dream powder or something. Right, and the ingredients you need to access this kooky %26ldquo;fifth dimension%26rdquo; of consciousness are, like, charmingly eccentric things which, you know, just happen to be lying around the game already.

%26ldquo;Hot minced mushrooms%26rdquo;? Good thing we found these mushroom cookies earlier! %26ldquo;Herbal paper%26rdquo;? Why, the neighboring store sells herbal shopping bags! %26ldquo;Light a fire%26rdquo;? Hmmm...

Of course - a microwave! That makes the most sense of anything ever.
Case closed. Now if we could only figure out why our assistant is
a walking, talking penis...

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I enjoy sunshine, the company of kittens and turning frowns upside down. I am also a fan of sarcasm. Let's be friends!
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