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The Top 7... Lamest ninja

Before the US Navy Seals, before the British SAS, there were ninja. The super sneaky tactics of these masters of espionage and stealth flew in the face of feudal Japan's philosophy on honorable warfare, leading to their conspicuous absence from much of the country's official historical records. Since then, the mystery surrounding these clandestine clans of nighttime warriors has given rise to an exaggerated image of the ninja's frightening supernatural talents - which we'd like to think was originally planned by ninja.

Nowadays, everyone loves ninja and knows that they can walk on water, run up walls, and slice through any adversary. And if you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you, it's probably a ninja waiting for the perfect moment to put you out of your misery.

But there are some truly shameful shinobi lurking in the depths of gaming’s history. These sad excuses for agents of death couldn’t sneak their way past a blind security guard and should be stripped of the honorable title of the ninja.



Above: Believe it! Ninja aren't supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice - unless the sugar is mixed with crushed glass and the spice is dipped in poison

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have got to be one of the most ill conceived ninja in history. Sure, we like the darker Eastman and Lair graphic novels as much as the next guy, but the turtles’ bulky shells and snail-like movement speed makes them one of the lamest choices for an animal to make a ninja out of. What’s next? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Manitee?

Ninjas are supposed to be silent assassins of death. But with battle cries of "Cowabunga!" and a penchant for pizza, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles do little to conceal their presence, and shame the noble name of ninja.

Naruto

How do you make a character you can root for and sympathize with? You make him suffer. A lot. Not only has the young ninja, Naruto lost his parents, but the tike also has the spirit of a ferocious demon sealed in his belly, causing just about everyone in his hometown to either fear or hate him.

And that's the problem. Naruto has heart of gold and a desire to protect those who spurn him. But ninja aren't supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice - unless the sugar is mixed with crushed glass and the spice is dipped in poison.

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19 comments

  • g1rldraco7 - February 22, 2013 2:52 a.m.

    Whoever had the balls to make fun of Naruto needs to be killed by an army of ninjas!!!!
  • B2KSTR8RIPPIN - November 7, 2009 1:59 p.m.

    ohh and scorpion.. you cant forget scorpion
  • B2KSTR8RIPPIN - November 7, 2009 1:58 p.m.

    ryu hyabussa is the best ninja in the world xD
  • uzumaki181 - December 11, 2008 12:51 a.m.

    touche but yet the marines arn't realy modern ninjas the navy seals and special ops teams are more the division
  • Monkeylink - November 30, 2008 11:30 p.m.

    true true I agree
  • uzumaki181 - November 21, 2008 12:44 a.m.

    but yet he has one of the largest fan bases in the world.
  • sepirothpk - November 17, 2008 8:46 a.m.

    I'm neither of those things, and yet I think NAruto is cool. He, unlike a lot of character people find cool, has personality and a realness to him. People are allowed to have their own opinion. But they're right, he isn't a good ninja in the traditional sense. He's too easy to see, and he makes too much noise to sneak past enemies
  • Super_gamer73 - November 13, 2008 3:24 a.m.

    Naruto is faggy, you are probably 10 or a fat anime goth. Kill youself.
  • Bravo315 - December 10, 2008 4:51 p.m.

    Naruto is suckish. Ninjasa are supposed to be sly. Not orange! It's like the USMC changing the Iraq uniforms to dark purple in the desert!
  • pyro9393 - December 7, 2008 10:32 p.m.

    dude honostly naruto is pretty cool but i lost intrest after sauske was captured because every episode was like oh anew mission o kay not lets go kill that traitor
  • Bri77777 - November 18, 2008 2:53 a.m.

    Ninja aren't supposed to have "magic powers". There also supposed to blend in. Naruto stands out like a, dare I say, a straight guy at a gay parade. Ninjas have swords and weapons, and are silent.
  • uzumaki181 - September 25, 2008 11:55 p.m.

    oh ya woot 1st
  • uzumaki181 - September 25, 2008 11:54 p.m.

    How dare u make fun naruto
  • jackrabbitslims - May 5, 2009 8:08 p.m.

    meh, naruto is just a bad show. Corny dialouge, no engaging characters to be found, they're either brooding introverts or annoying extroverts. I'm a fan of some anime, but Naruto takes itself too seriously way too much. Also, it doesn't know how to be funny.
  • sepirothpk - January 19, 2009 11:11 p.m.

    Actually, the black suit was introduced in kabuki, Japanese theatre, and probably wore something akin to samurai. And all sorts of ninja games have magic powers such as ninja gaiden
  • Roic13 - January 13, 2009 12:28 a.m.

    Like to tell me why Naruto has most episodes just talking?
  • sepirothpk - May 12, 2009 8:25 a.m.

    The series gets better the later it gets. Which annoys me because most people don't stay with it long enough to see the good parts. Though I liked it from the start
  • uzumaki181 - January 8, 2009 3:35 a.m.

    I didn't mean to start a war here but i simply stated my opinion and Super_gamer73 just started a flame war by making a rude inappropriate comment regarding all fans of not just Naruto but of all anime and manga fans. And for that I say stop arguing over my comment and move on. No offense here but I have a life to get to and not continue this fiscal argument.
  • Xplosive59 - January 5, 2009 4:30 p.m.

    Naruto is a crappy excuse for a ninja he wears a freaking orange tracksuit for petes sake orange, tracksuits = chav

Showing 1-19 of 19 comments

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