The Top 7... Lamest ninja

We call out gaming's most shameful shinobi

Words: on August 6, 2007

Before the US Navy Seals, before the British SAS, there were ninja. The super sneaky tactics of these masters of espionage and stealth flew in the face of feudal Japan's philosophy on honorable warfare, leading to their conspicuous absence from much of the country's official historical records. Since then, the mystery surrounding these clandestine clans of nighttime warriors has given rise to an exaggerated image of the ninja's frightening supernatural talents - which we'd like to think was originally planned by ninja.

Nowadays, everyone loves ninja and knows that they can walk on water, run up walls, and slice through any adversary. And if you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you, it's probably a ninja waiting for the perfect moment to put you out of your misery.

But there are some truly shameful shinobi lurking in the depths of gaming’s history. These sad excuses for agents of death couldn’t sneak their way past a blind security guard and should be stripped of the honorable title of the ninja.



Above: Believe it! Ninja aren't supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice - unless the sugar is mixed with crushed glass and the spice is dipped in poison

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have got to be one of the most ill conceived ninja in history. Sure, we like the darker Eastman and Lair graphic novels as much as the next guy, but the turtles’ bulky shells and snail-like movement speed makes them one of the lamest choices for an animal to make a ninja out of. What’s next? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Manitee?

Ninjas are supposed to be silent assassins of death. But with battle cries of "Cowabunga!" and a penchant for pizza, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles do little to conceal their presence, and shame the noble name of ninja.

Naruto

How do you make a character you can root for and sympathize with? You make him suffer. A lot. Not only has the young ninja, Naruto lost his parents, but the tike also has the spirit of a ferocious demon sealed in his belly, causing just about everyone in his hometown to either fear or hate him.

And that's the problem. Naruto has heart of gold and a desire to protect those who spurn him. But ninja aren't supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice - unless the sugar is mixed with crushed glass and the spice is dipped in poison.

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Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, PC, PSP, DS, Xbox, GameCube

Topics:

Top 7

18 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
  • B2KSTR8RIPPIN

    B2KSTR8RIPPIN  - 2 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    ohh and scorpion.. you cant forget scorpion
  • B2KSTR8RIPPIN

    B2KSTR8RIPPIN  - 2 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    ryu hyabussa is the best ninja in the world xD
  • uzumaki181

    uzumaki181  - 3 years, 2 months ago  - Report

    touche but yet the marines arn't realy modern ninjas the navy seals and special ops teams are more the division
  • Monkeylink

    Monkeylink  - 3 years, 2 months ago  - Report

    true true I agree
  • uzumaki181

    uzumaki181  - 3 years, 2 months ago  - Report

    but yet he has one of the largest fan bases in the world.
  • sepirothpk

    sepirothpk  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    I'm neither of those things, and yet I think NAruto is cool. He, unlike a lot of character people find cool, has personality and a realness to him. People are allowed to have their own opinion. But they're right, he isn't a good ninja in the traditional sense. He's too easy to see, and he makes too much noise to sneak past enemies
  • Super_gamer73

    Super_gamer73  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    Naruto is faggy, you are probably 10 or a fat anime goth. Kill youself.
  • Bravo315

    Bravo315  - 3 years, 2 months ago  - Report

    Naruto is suckish. Ninjasa are supposed to be sly. Not orange! It's like the USMC changing the Iraq uniforms to dark purple in the desert!
  • pyro9393

    pyro9393  - 3 years, 2 months ago  - Report

    dude honostly naruto is pretty cool but i lost intrest after sauske was captured because every episode was like oh anew mission o kay not lets go kill that traitor
  • Bri77777

    Bri77777  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    Ninja aren't supposed to have "magic powers". There also supposed to blend in. Naruto stands out like a, dare I say, a straight guy at a gay parade. Ninjas have swords and weapons, and are silent.
  • uzumaki181

    uzumaki181  - 3 years, 4 months ago  - Report

    oh ya woot 1st
  • uzumaki181

    uzumaki181  - 3 years, 4 months ago  - Report

    How dare u make fun naruto
  • jackrabbitslims

    jackrabbitslims  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    meh, naruto is just a bad show. Corny dialouge, no engaging characters to be found, they're either brooding introverts or annoying extroverts. I'm a fan of some anime, but Naruto takes itself too seriously way too much. Also, it doesn't know how to be funny.
  • sepirothpk

    sepirothpk  - 3 years ago  - Report

    Actually, the black suit was introduced in kabuki, Japanese theatre, and probably wore something akin to samurai. And all sorts of ninja games have magic powers such as ninja gaiden
  • Roic13

    Roic13  - 3 years, 1 month ago  - Report

    Like to tell me why Naruto has most episodes just talking?
  • sepirothpk

    sepirothpk  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    The series gets better the later it gets. Which annoys me because most people don't stay with it long enough to see the good parts. Though I liked it from the start
  • uzumaki181

    uzumaki181  - 3 years, 1 month ago  - Report

    I didn't mean to start a war here but i simply stated my opinion and Super_gamer73 just started a flame war by making a rude inappropriate comment regarding all fans of not just Naruto but of all anime and manga fans. And for that I say stop arguing over my comment and move on. No offense here but I have a life to get to and not continue this fiscal argument.
  • Xplosive59

    Xplosive59  - 3 years, 1 month ago  - Report

    Naruto is a crappy excuse for a ninja he wears a freaking orange tracksuit for petes sake orange, tracksuits = chav
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