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The Sexual Politics Of The Mushroom Kingdom

9th Dec, 2008

Just what in the hell is going on with Mario and Peach? It was so simple back in the old NES days of Super Mario Bros. She got herself kidnapped, he went after her with the help of Luigi, and all ended happily ever after. Or so we thought. The thing is that it didn't really. It's become ever more apparent that since that first rescue things have only ever got messier, dirtier and more manipulative in their relationship. Far from the innocent damsel and hero set-up that appeared to be the case in 1985, the relationship between the two of them is now a complicated and twisted story of the user and the used, the ego and its victim, and the puppet-master and the slave.



And what's more, everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom is in on it. Every major inhabitant of said filthy den of fungus deceit has a role to play in the ever more cruel emotional car-wreck being perpetrated, and the shock-waves of that wreck get bigger with every single game. As new characters appear and develop and new stories branch out it's becoming more and more clear how many lies, affairs, and acts of hedonistic degradation are happening on the dark underbelly of the perpetually sunny Kingdom. Tired of the whole treacherous mess, we decided to blow the lid on it all, and we now present to you a character by character analysis of who's doing what with whome, who the victims of the fallout are, and who should damn well know better.

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35 comments

  • MW3M - January 20, 2009 10:51 p.m.

    This is the greatest article you have ever made. Hands down.
  • Coolbeans69 - January 21, 2009 1 a.m.

    this was pretty great
  • Corsair89 - February 9, 2009 9:37 p.m.

    I gotta say, this article is fantastic. Hands down one of the cleverest, thorough, and well-written articles I've even seen on this site, which is saying a lot. Very, very good job. In Peach's defense, she did get off her ass in Super Princess Peach to save Mario when he got kidnapped. She also helped Mario and was a playable character for most of the adventure in Super Paper Mario.
  • Stryde22 - February 9, 2009 10:52 p.m.

    now THIS is the kind of article i like to read. XD. the psychological analysis of fictional characters can be WAY too entertaining
  • Wordup95 - February 10, 2009 1:36 a.m.

    ... funny, :D
  • AA95mp - March 13, 2009 8:36 p.m.

    do you think toads could be drugs they are magic mushrooms.
  • reroxas - April 16, 2009 10:32 p.m.

    Ya know I always kinda understood the Mario story. That's why I don't really play Mario anymore why because Mario f**ked everyone over for Peach,Peach is a slut, Bowser is what this article said and Luigi Yoshi and everybody else is getting f**ked over because of this. And Luigi is better.
  • fallout3mutielover - April 19, 2009 6:12 p.m.

    haha stupid peach and her hoish life
  • Evernight - July 10, 2009 3:09 p.m.

    You forgot to mention Yoshi having to save Mario's child (where ever that is from) twice - taking care of the child like the nice uncle would when a absentee father goes gallivanting off after some trim. Yoshi is a saint for that - but like you said he no doubt got sick of the BS and left him. Friends will help you move - but they won't play daddy to your kids while you pursue a destructive relationship.
  • VideoGameKing - July 11, 2009 9:16 p.m.

    dosent luigi have dasiy as his Girlfriend?
  • barrage7667 - July 11, 2009 10:13 p.m.

    yea mario is a dick he will make sure daisy is ok but his own son!!! naaahhh let yoshi do it who cares if he dies as long as mario can get it on with his "i-need-more-attention-pay-attention-to-me" whore peach all nite he can always make another kid rite? dsigusting
  • TheWebSwinger - July 13, 2009 12:48 a.m.

    I don't see how Bowser wins. He's always falling in lava pits.
  • lovinmyps3 - July 14, 2009 2:39 a.m.

    Oh my god... that BITCH!! Haha
  • GrantG - July 14, 2009 2:54 a.m.

    it all makes sense now!
  • gatornation1254 - July 21, 2009 8:16 p.m.

    Man Luigi could kick Mario's ass any day of the week. And Peach needs to just shut her whore mouth.
  • cell289 - January 25, 2009 3:31 a.m.

    9 pages the sexual relations over certain 1979 pixel art makes me question my role in the clock tower of life.
  • EatShorts8 - March 10, 2009 4 a.m.

    the Bowser Jr one really gets u thinking
  • adrenaguy - March 12, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    you know, eatshorts8, that's a little disturbing O_O
  • Da-Ku - May 4, 2009 3:57 p.m.

    This is pure awesomeness, i understand it more than i did at its first publishing xD We need more like this
  • Shift - May 18, 2009 3:24 p.m.

    Personally, I think that this is gr's best article. Hands down. I'll never EVER look at Mario or Peach or any of them the same way again. Especially Bowser Jr. O_O

Showing 1-20 of 35 comments

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