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Few sounds in this life are sweeter than the "boop" or “ding” noise that comes when you have earned an Achievement on 360 or Trophy on PS3. Not only do you get the satisfaction of completing an in-game goal, but points get added to the overall score attached to your online profile, showing your friends how awesome you are. Having the most Achievements or Trophies on your friends list grants you immense pride and power, not unlike what Caesar must have felt... until someone pulls ahead of you.
Above: Look at the amazing power wielded by the author a.k.a. the Magnificent Achievement King of GamesRadar. And yet, he still has so much to earn
That's when shortcuts become attractive and necessary if you want to cement your spot. For that reason, the gods gave us games with easy Achievements, which can be quickly squeezed of all possible points or cups. But by now, even novice points-hound will have heard of Avatar: The Burning Earth, Madden 06 or King Kong, among other famous, early 360 games made before the power of Achievements was fully understood. Meanwhile, Trophies only really got going last year, so there are no ancient games with effortless rewards. That's why, for the benefit of you and your e-penis, we're providing you with the easiest Achievements and Trophies of 2009, which are ranked in descending order of the shame involved with getting them.
Easy Achievement total: 950 points
Time necessary: Seven hours
We begin with one of the few games on this list worth owning. Sure, you could rent or Gamefly it like the rest, but this disc is a steal at less than $20. This insane package has over 40 classic Sega titles, like the Sonic, Streets of Rage, and Phantasy Star series, plus lesser known gems like Ristar and Beyond Oasis. That's less than 50 cents a title people, get it already!
Above: Haven't played this a hundred times already, right?
SUGC also has tons of unlockables and Achievements/Trophies attached to its many games, but thankfully the devs take it easy on the player, clearly explaining what's required in each case and setting the bar pretty low. There aren't Achievements for every game, but most have one (usually based on a high score or not dying), which can be completed in less than 20 minutes of playing said game. They all happen so quickly that you should be able to get all but the Columns and Mean Bean Machine Achievements (they’re pretty hard) in under four hours.
Easy Achievement total: 200 points
Time necessary: Two hours
Sadly not included on Sonic's UGC, this Genesis classic rolled onto Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network last year at $5, which is cheap considering what some collectors have paid for the hard-to-find cartridge. This amazing slice of hardcore bliss has some of the most inventive bosses ever made, and it’s required reading for all wannabe video game snobs. "But this has been on Wii's Virtual Console forever," a coworker once said. "Big deal." Sadly, our friend failed to see the benefits of the newly included Achievements/Trophies.
Above: It goes even faster in two-player
Yes, the game can be a little tough at times, but it isn't that long, and all the set goals save one are campaign related, and thus unmissable. And thanks to the ability to save whenever, allowing for speedy restarts, this is much easier than it once was. You could even turn down the difficulty if you're a total wuss, we won't tell. In a few hours, you'll have the dual feathers in your hat for beating this classic and getting all the points/Trophies. Bravo.