Stealth Horse: Adventures in Burgerland

"There is no clear explanation at this time for the presence of horse DNA in products emanating from meat plants that do not use horsemeat in their production process. In Ireland, it is not in our culture to eat horsemeat and, therefore, we do not expect to find it in a burger.”-- Food Safety Authority of Ireland chief executive Prof Alan Reilly, commenting on an investigation in which horsemeat was found in hamburgers being sold in the UK and Ireland. There's only one explanation:

Stealth Horse™ is a third-person Stealth Action game for Nintendo 3DS, which sees players take the reins of the eponymous Stealth Horse™ and infiltrate a burger production line at various stages in an attempt to get into the burger business. Literally.

To do this, Stealth Horse™ must carry out a variety of strict, time-based challenges at various stages of the burger production process. Whether intercepting a convoy of delivery vans in high-speed chase sections or quietly locating and utilising a meat grinder in the factory, 3DS' 3D capabilities are used to the fullest in this stylish, cel-shaded action game. 

Choose your horseshoes carefully as you equip Stealth Horse™ with customised equipment for the next level. Will you go for silenced horseshoes for an extra edge while sneaking? Or perhaps titanium alloy for increased health specs and kick attacks? It could mean the difference between whinneying and losing.

Stages end with a series of vaults over hedgerows or production line equipment in order to build up enough speed to leap into the van or grinder. And if you fail at the main game, there's always the chance to dive between two pieces of bread in the fast food restaurant showdown. Can you find all the hidden sugarlumps? Can you solve the mystery pig challenges to save your own bacon? It's up to you, Stealth Horse™!




  • TheWoolyMammoth - January 31, 2013 4:10 p.m.

    Yeah, but... Why the long face?
  • GOD - January 21, 2013 10:49 p.m.

    News update: The horse DNA found seems to match that of a B. Buttercup. A well known games journalologist and horse supremacist. the glue factory was just a front for the meat factory!!! :0
  • ultimatepunchrod - January 21, 2013 4:30 p.m.

    I love you Towell.
  • rxb - January 21, 2013 11:17 a.m.

    Well done Towelly, very funny. Personally I dont have problem with horse meat. If its good enough for the French.
  • TanookiMan - January 21, 2013 8:57 a.m.

    Funny AND educational!
  • Clovin64 - January 21, 2013 6:45 a.m.

    This makes me really miss the Random Game Name. And Towell Joke Factory. *sob*
  • jackthemenace - January 27, 2013 3:37 a.m.

    Agreed; when the podcast comes back, please include the Random Game Name Game once again? :3 But yeah, brilliant article- almost as good as Sheep Dog Trials HD, or whatever Cundy's amazing new Ip was :P And that photoshopping- one day, I want a job that lets me do the same amount of ridiculous stuff you do and get paid for :P
  • tomasspipass - January 21, 2013 6:29 a.m.

    RIP Buttercup. Rest in succulent pieces.
  • JMarsella09 - January 20, 2013 4:14 p.m.

    I must agree with the others. Stop stealing articles from Buttercup Justin. It's hard enough for a horse in this economy without losing a job clearly perfect for him.
  • garnsr - January 20, 2013 3:06 p.m.

    You could also have gone for Epona-mous character. This could be a friend of Squeak, for an add-on to Squeak's Dreams.
  • winner2 - January 20, 2013 12:42 p.m.

  • winner2 - January 20, 2013 12:43 p.m.

    Oh and the horse with the splinter cell goggles is the greatest photoshop to ever grace this earth.
  • FlyWire2 - January 20, 2013 12:38 p.m.

  • GAYMER - January 22, 2013 12:10 a.m.

    I second this
  • JarkayColt - January 20, 2013 10:44 a.m.

    Haha. I've been following this story because, coincidentally, I'm currently doing a project about horses and horse welfare, and the burger thing is probably the result of somekind of dodgy horse slaughtering processes. I'm not sure why a horse would intentionally infiltrate a factory to jump in a meat grinder, but I got a smirk out of this anyway. Fun spoof Justin (hey but...why is that 3DS not turned on? =p)
  • PlainLikeVanilla - January 20, 2013 10:31 a.m.

    This is why I come to GR but Buttercup really should have tackled this one. Also, "It could mean the difference between whinneying and losing." is probably the best thing I have ever read.
  • santaclouse37 - January 20, 2013 10:13 a.m.

    This article is amazing, and I hope for many more features to come sporting the "NewsAsGames" tag, but I have just one question: Isn't B. Buttercup upset that you didn't let her take this one? She's been out of work for quite some time now, hasn't she?

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