Drinking games: A video game pub crawl
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Have virtual fun responsibly
St. Patrick's Day is a time to honor Ireland's rich history and pay tribute to the Roman slave-turned-Saint for whom the holiday is named. Hah! Just kidding--it's time to chug green beer, adopt clumsy Irish stereotypes, and toast the night away with questionable friends and strangers. Guid forder to that!
To celebrate this yearly alcoholic pilgrimage, we've assembled a pub crawl through gaming's greatest drinking destinations. So don your novelty sized leprechaun hat and follow along! Unless you're underage; in which case, would you mind giving us a lift? -
Stop 1: Steinway Beer Garden
Where you'll find it: Have a gas at Grand Theft Auto IV and Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars' finest Irish roadhouse, nestled within the heart of Liberty City's Dukes neighborhood.
Why it's on the crawl: Launch your Paddy's day debauchery in true Irish fashion at Liberty's City's Steinway Beer Garden. This outdoor alehouse will get you in The Emerald Isle spirit with its colorful Irish decor, traditional pub games, and delicious Blarneys Stout brew. Bank job gone arseways? Steinway Beer Garden is also the perfect spot to lay low and enjoy the sights and sounds of a five-star manhunt. Whether you're dodging the law, planning a job with the McRearys, or simply looking to start your Irish celebration off right, you've always got a seat at this Dukes hideaway. But for the sake of other patrons, please keep your cell phone on vibrate.
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Stop 2: The Hounds Pit Pub
Where you'll find it: Dishonored's fabled pub is just a boat ride and bribe away down Dunwall's shores.
Why it's on the crawl: Raise a toast to good company, successful rebellions, and the righteous Queen Emily at Dunwall's best kept secret. Adorned in Loyalist memorabilia (and blood), this vintage pub and dog fighting venue is famous for its fine whiskey, sterling elixirs, and its friendly, Overseer-free vibe. Reserve your table in the uppermost Corvo Attano room for the best view in Dunwall, or take your seat in Piero's workshop for daily re-enactments of the “The Hounds Pit Siege”. Steeped in history and spiced with old timey charm, The Hounds Pit will inject your pub crawl with a dose of class and plague. Well, mostly class.
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Stop 3: Lefty's Bar
Where you'll find it: You'll stumble into Lefty's Bar just off the Lost Wage's strip.
Why it's on the crawl: Dive bars are the glue of any good pub crawl. After all, when you're halfway between sobriety and forgetting your name, you can't afford to be waiting for tables or blowing your dough on fancy drinks you won't even taste. For a dive bar with character, nothing beats Lefty's Bar, the “birthplace” of gaming's slickest ladies man, Leisure Suit Larry. GET WHISKY, USE TOILET, or TALK TO MAN... there's virtually no limit to the enjoyment you'll key into at this Lost Wage's taproom. Lefty's is the optimal location to rest your feet, drink on the cheap, and give your senses a break before the night really takes a plunge...
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Stop 4: The Ragged Flagon
Where to find it: The Ragged Flagon doubles as a meeting place for the Thieves Guild in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, so we aren't in a position to snitch. We can say if you find yourself in The Ratway of Riften, you're in the right ballpark.
Why it's on the crawl: So things went south at Lefty's Bar and you found yourself in a ditch. Good news! If that ditch happens to be near Riften's Ratway, you're halfway to Skyrim's trendiest underground club. Situated in the depths of Riften's sewers, The Ragged Flagon is a no-frills establishment where drinks are cheap and friends are cheaper. Here, you'll find plenty of “travel agents” with all the latest tips and info on Tamriel's most exclusive party spots (for a price). You'll also get first dibs on the black market goods from the finest potion makers, weaponsmiths, and fencers in Skyrim. Just watch your wallet. And your shirt. In fact, just keep one eye everything and avoid staring Delvin in the face.
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Stop 5: Upper City Cantina
Where you'll find it: Look up. Way up. See the planet Taris? Your next stop is its Upper City Cantina, made famous in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Now, who has change for the shuttle?
Why it's on the crawl: After slumming it in The Ragged Flagon, you'll want to take a sonic shower, slap on some fresh duds, and get back into the game atop the Outer Rim's swankiest club. Forget what you've heard about being “blown apart by Darth Malak”; that's just what the locals say to keep this intergalactic gem all to themselves. In the Upper City Cantina, you can share a round with off-worlders or let the Twi'lek dancers shake away your troubles. Feeling bold? Load up on liquid courage and try your skills in Ajuur's dueling ring! Or if cerebral battles are more your taste, challenge friends and aliens at the Pazaak tables. Warning: Once you've docked at the Upper City Cantina, you'll never want to leave orbit. Second warning: Hours of operation may vary according to orbital strikes.
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Stop 6: Afterlife Club
Where you'll find it: Swinging by Mass Effect's Omega mining station? Listen for bass-thumping tunes and follow the neon lights for the trippiest discotheque in the Terminus System.
Why it's on the crawl: The Upper City Cantana is a nerf-herding petting zoo compared to this intergalactic nightclub that's light on laws and heavy on getting down! Saddle up to the bar for an exotic drink while you take in holographic entertainment, chat up aliens, and rub elbows with the biggest names in the Milky Way underworld. Plague? What Plague? The only virus you'll have to worry about are the infectious tunes, dizzying drinks, and intoxicating Ansari*. Whatever your vice, the Afterlife Club is equipped to please. After all, haven't you heard? It's Commander Shepard's favorite bar in the galaxy!
*Flirt at your own risk.
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Stop 7: The Muddy Rudder
Where you'll find it: Climb “all aboard!” Rivet City for fun at one of Fallout 3's most, uh, rustic watering holes.
Why it's on the crawl: Remember what we said about dive bars? Rivet City's The Muddy Rudder is arguably the diviest bar in the wasteland (with honorable mentions to the Skum Pitt and Golden Gecko). Seriously, you may actually have to dive into Washington's waters to get anywhere near it, especially if Rivet City's bouncers aren't liking the cut of your jib. Not that this should discourage you, however. After a quick toxic dip, you'll be basking in the irradiated ambiance of this rundown aircraft carrier while sipping on moonshine, betting bottle caps at the pool tables, and snacking on fresh iguana-on-a-sticks. There's no beating the off-beat, post-apocalyptic appeal of the The Muddy Rudder, and the friendships you spark will linger long after to return to shore. Well, that and the lockjaw.
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Stop 8: Leo's Place
Where you'll find it: In real life, you'll find this rock and roll hub in Toronto (Ontario, Canada) under the name Lee's Palace. In Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game, it's also in Toronto, just under a new, trademark-friendly name.
Why it's on the crawl: Want to be seen where the cool kids hang out? Bring your crew to Lee's Place where the crowds are jumping, the bouncers are bouncing, and the stage is always rocking with up-and-coming performers. Inspired by the real world Lee's Palace in Toronto, Canada, the virtual Leo's Place is where the trendy kids converge and the hipster punks come to pick fights. At Leo's Place, anything can happen. One minute you can be air guitaring to the latest single from The Clash at Demonhead, and the next you can be swinging combos in a bar-wide beatdown. No matter what goes down, good times are guaranteed and there's always free drink money to pick up off the floor.
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Stop 9: Duke Nukem's Titty City
Where you'll find it: Duke Nukem's Las Vegas joint can be found lowering property values in Duke Nukem Forever.
Why it's on the crawl: Chugging dyed beer and Irish themed shots will only entertain you for so long. So when the party hits a speed-bump, you'll want to head in for a pint and games at Duke Nukem's (not) high-class, (really not) 5-star establishment. Las Vegas' hottest peeler bar has it all; slot machines, pinball, alien abortion amusements, and the best rendered strippers in Nevada. Hungry? There's always a random package of popcorn or snacks laying around somewhere. And, if play your cards right and you might even get to share a pitcher with the cigar-chomping owner himself. At Duke Nukem's Titty City, there's something for everyone and always something popping in the Champagne Room. Come get some? Don't mind if we do!
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Stop 10: Nikeah Pub
Where you'll find it: Located at the tip of Final Fantasy VI's Serpent Trench, Nikeah and its pub are ideal locations for stocking up, grabbing a refresher, and watching the world burn.
Why it's on the crawl: Nikeah is ideal for the pub crawlers craving a little fresh air and friendly dancing girls. Here, tourists can enjoy all the exotic sights, sounds, and tastes this hustlin' and bustlin' port town has to offer. Whether it's trading shots with sailors, swapping digits with the ladies of Nikeah's Pub, or refueling on echo herbs and green cherries from street vendors, simply pick your poison and let the good times roll. Thirsty for danger? Stick around for the World of Ruin--that's when the real party/apocalypse begins!
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Stop 11: World End's Tavern
Where you'll find it: This Outland hotspot is just waiting to be raided in World of Warcraft's Shattrath City.
Why it's on the crawl: Don't let the gloomy name and drenei facade turn you away--The World's End Tavern is all about good times, delicious nog, and cutting edge performances. Enjoy the comedic stylings of Perry Gatner or rock out with your staff out to The Artists Formerly Known as Level 80 Elite Tauren Chieften (Power of the Horde!). The World's End Tavern is also where you can trade gossip with resident critic Haris Pilton, or chug a hearty beverage before taking the crawl to the Caverns of Time. Packed with live performances and intriguing NPCs, The World's End Tavern is a 'must-see' detour along any Paddy's day quest.
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Final stop: Tapper
Where you'll find it: Tapper isn't so much a "place" as it is a state of mind. It's kind of like Margaritaville, except with bigger pixels, broken glass, and annoying regulars.
Why it's on the crawl: Where better to end your pub crawl than at one of gaming's most iconic bars? Besides, at this point in your evening, you'll likely be ready to wind down with some old school tunes and low-res entertainment. Since 1984, Tapper has whet the lips of jocks, aliens, cowboys, and digital patrons from across all console generations. What's more, Tapper comes well stocked with Root Beer and minigames to keep designated drivers happy while their friends sample the best aged suds in town--provided they still have the motor functions to catch them as they whiz by. No pub crawl is complete without a visit to Tapper, where the bartenders are always pouring, the mugs are always flying, and the memories are always flowing.
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Call a cab
We mean it. Call a cab, hire a limo, or find the nearest sober person you trust and point them in the general direction of your bed. After touring twelve of the best drinking destinations in gaming, you won't be in any condition to drive, let alone speak in full sentences. And while we're all for having a great time, making innocent NPCs and humans pay for your night out is where we draw the line. As for which cab to call, any company will do (except if their drivers dig The Offspring).
Had fun? We did. Leave us suggestion for gaming bars we should visit next year. We'll make sure to have a look at the comments right after we take a quick nap in this bush right... over... here... zZzZz...
Still standing? Keep the afterparty going in If video games and consoles were cocktails and St. Paddy's Day Disgraces: Six of gaming's most offensive Irish stereotypes.
Topics
Crazy Taxi Dishonored Duke Nukem Forever Fallout 3 Final Fantasy VI Grand Theft Auto IV Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards Mass Effect 2 Mass Effect 3 Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Tapper The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim
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TanookiMan - March 16, 2013 7:06 a.m.
How about Red Dead Redemption? You can actually drink whiskey at the bars in that game and it's depiction of the Irish was...well there was a guy named Irish in it. -
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BladedFalcon - March 15, 2013 4:35 p.m.
I'm shocked that you guys didn't mention Catherine's bar. I mean, I haven't played the game, but far as I knew, a large chunk of it's narrative took place in a bar, and thus, it probably a much more significant part of the game's story than perhaps the majority of these other entries. I think. Maybe. -
PlainLikeVanilla - March 15, 2013 5:10 p.m.
This is correct. The bar in Catherine deserves a spot on this list. -
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KnightDehumidifier - March 15, 2013 3:23 p.m.
In the spirit of Starcraft 2, the Cantina is a great place, have a few drinks, watch some TV, play an arcade game, listen to the jukebox, hire mercenaries, it's all good. -
shawksta - March 15, 2013 3:17 p.m.
Awesome list, bars are always a good place to relax, start a bar fight, or even just to listen to the tunes! The Milk bar is Majora's Mask was pretty cool. Especially since the Chateau Romani is known to not be be given to children under normal circumstances unless deemed mature by adults and exclusive to the bar(Making it Zelda's Equivalent to Alcohol). You have the Circus Master being depressed as fuck, and a stage with no band thats later filled with Random Link illusions.
Showing 1-13 of 13 comments
benjones1blj - March 16, 2013 6:06 p.m.