Have virtual fun responsibly
St. Patrick's Day is a time to honor Ireland's rich history and pay tribute to the Roman slave-turned-Saint for whom the holiday is named. Hah! Just kidding--it's time to chug green beer, adopt clumsy Irish stereotypes, and toast the night away with questionable friends and strangers. Guid forder to that!
To celebrate this yearly alcoholic pilgrimage, we've assembled a pub crawl through gaming's greatest drinking destinations. So don your novelty sized leprechaun hat and follow along! Unless you're underage; in which case, would you mind giving us a lift?
Stop 1: Steinway Beer Garden
Why it's on the crawl: Launch your Paddy's day debauchery in true Irish fashion at Liberty's City's Steinway Beer Garden. This outdoor alehouse will get you in The Emerald Isle spirit with its colorful Irish decor, traditional pub games, and delicious Blarneys Stout brew. Bank job gone arseways? Steinway Beer Garden is also the perfect spot to lay low and enjoy the sights and sounds of a five-star manhunt. Whether you're dodging the law, planning a job with the McRearys, or simply looking to start your Irish celebration off right, you've always got a seat at this Dukes hideaway. But for the sake of other patrons, please keep your cell phone on vibrate.
Stop 2: The Hounds Pit Pub
Why it's on the crawl: Raise a toast to good company, successful rebellions, and the righteous Queen Emily at Dunwall's best kept secret. Adorned in Loyalist memorabilia (and blood), this vintage pub and dog fighting venue is famous for its fine whiskey, sterling elixirs, and its friendly, Overseer-free vibe. Reserve your table in the uppermost Corvo Attano room for the best view in Dunwall, or take your seat in Piero's workshop for daily re-enactments of the The Hounds Pit Siege. Steeped in history and spiced with old timey charm, The Hounds Pit will inject your pub crawl with a dose of class and plague. Well, mostly class.
Stop 3: Lefty's Bar
Why it's on the crawl: Dive bars are the glue of any good pub crawl. After all, when you're halfway between sobriety and forgetting your name, you can't afford to be waiting for tables or blowing your dough on fancy drinks you won't even taste. For a dive bar with character, nothing beats Lefty's Bar, the birthplace of gaming's slickest ladies man, Leisure Suit Larry. GET WHISKY, USE TOILET, or TALK TO MAN... there's virtually no limit to the enjoyment you'll key into at this Lost Wage's taproom. Lefty's is the optimal location to rest your feet, drink on the cheap, and give your senses a break before the night really takes a plunge...
Stop 4: The Ragged Flagon
Why it's on the crawl: So things went south at Lefty's Bar and you found yourself in a ditch. Good news! If that ditch happens to be near Riften's Ratway, you're halfway to Skyrim's trendiest underground club. Situated in the depths of Riften's sewers, The Ragged Flagon is a no-frills establishment where drinks are cheap and friends are cheaper. Here, you'll find plenty of travel agents with all the latest tips and info on Tamriel's most exclusive party spots (for a price). You'll also get first dibs on the black market goods from the finest potion makers, weaponsmiths, and fencers in Skyrim. Just watch your wallet. And your shirt. In fact, just keep one eye everything and avoid staring Delvin in the face.
Stop 5: Upper City Cantina
Why it's on the crawl: After slumming it in The Ragged Flagon, you'll want to take a sonic shower, slap on some fresh duds, and get back into the game atop the Outer Rim's swankiest club. Forget what you've heard about being blown apart by Darth Malak; that's just what the locals say to keep this intergalactic gem all to themselves. In the Upper City Cantina, you can share a round with off-worlders or let the Twi'lek dancers shake away your troubles. Feeling bold? Load up on liquid courage and try your skills in Ajuur's dueling ring! Or if cerebral battles are more your taste, challenge friends and aliens at the Pazaak tables. Warning: Once you've docked at the Upper City Cantina, you'll never want to leave orbit. Second warning: Hours of operation may vary according to orbital strikes.
Stop 6: Afterlife Club
Why it's on the crawl: The Upper City Cantana is a nerf-herding petting zoo compared to this intergalactic nightclub that's light on laws and heavy on getting down! Saddle up to the bar for an exotic drink while you take in holographic entertainment, chat up aliens, and rub elbows with the biggest names in the Milky Way underworld. Plague? What Plague? The only virus you'll have to worry about are the infectious tunes, dizzying drinks, and intoxicating Ansari*. Whatever your vice, the Afterlife Club is equipped to please. After all, haven't you heard? It's Commander Shepard's favorite bar in the galaxy!
*Flirt at your own risk.
Stop 7: The Muddy Rudder
Why it's on the crawl: Remember what we said about dive bars? Rivet City's The Muddy Rudder is arguably the diviest bar in the wasteland (with honorable mentions to the Skum Pitt and Golden Gecko). Seriously, you may actually have to dive into Washington's waters to get anywhere near it, especially if Rivet City's bouncers aren't liking the cut of your jib. Not that this should discourage you, however. After a quick toxic dip, you'll be basking in the irradiated ambiance of this rundown aircraft carrier while sipping on moonshine, betting bottle caps at the pool tables, and snacking on fresh iguana-on-a-sticks. There's no beating the off-beat, post-apocalyptic appeal of the The Muddy Rudder, and the friendships you spark will linger long after to return to shore. Well, that and the lockjaw.
Stop 8: Leo's Place
Why it's on the crawl: Want to be seen where the cool kids hang out? Bring your crew to Lee's Place where the crowds are jumping, the bouncers are bouncing, and the stage is always rocking with up-and-coming performers. Inspired by the real world Lee's Palace in Toronto, Canada, the virtual Leo's Place is where the trendy kids converge and the hipster punks come to pick fights. At Leo's Place, anything can happen. One minute you can be air guitaring to the latest single from The Clash at Demonhead, and the next you can be swinging combos in a bar-wide beatdown. No matter what goes down, good times are guaranteed and there's always free drink money to pick up off the floor.
Stop 9: Duke Nukem's Titty City
Why it's on the crawl: Chugging dyed beer and Irish themed shots will only entertain you for so long. So when the party hits a speed-bump, you'll want to head in for a pint and games at Duke Nukem's (not) high-class, (really not) 5-star establishment. Las Vegas' hottest peeler bar has it all; slot machines, pinball, alien abortion amusements, and the best rendered strippers in Nevada. Hungry? There's always a random package of popcorn or snacks laying around somewhere. And, if play your cards right and you might even get to share a pitcher with the cigar-chomping owner himself. At Duke Nukem's Titty City, there's something for everyone and always something popping in the Champagne Room. Come get some? Don't mind if we do!
Stop 10: Nikeah Pub
Why it's on the crawl: Nikeah is ideal for the pub crawlers craving a little fresh air and friendly dancing girls. Here, tourists can enjoy all the exotic sights, sounds, and tastes this hustlin' and bustlin' port town has to offer. Whether it's trading shots with sailors, swapping digits with the ladies of Nikeah's Pub, or refueling on echo herbs and green cherries from street vendors, simply pick your poison and let the good times roll. Thirsty for danger? Stick around for the World of Ruin--that's when the real party/apocalypse begins!
Stop 11: World End's Tavern
Why it's on the crawl: Don't let the gloomy name and drenei facade turn you away--The World's End Tavern is all about good times, delicious nog, and cutting edge performances. Enjoy the comedic stylings of Perry Gatner or rock out with your staff out to The Artists Formerly Known as Level 80 Elite Tauren Chieften (Power of the Horde!). The World's End Tavern is also where you can trade gossip with resident critic Haris Pilton, or chug a hearty beverage before taking the crawl to the Caverns of Time. Packed with live performances and intriguing NPCs, The World's End Tavern is a 'must-see' detour along any Paddy's day quest.
Final stop: Tapper
Why it's on the crawl: Where better to end your pub crawl than at one of gaming's most iconic bars? Besides, at this point in your evening, you'll likely be ready to wind down with some old school tunes and low-res entertainment. Since 1984, Tapper has whet the lips of jocks, aliens, cowboys, and digital patrons from across all console generations. What's more, Tapper comes well stocked with Root Beer and minigames to keep designated drivers happy while their friends sample the best aged suds in town--provided they still have the motor functions to catch them as they whiz by. No pub crawl is complete without a visit to Tapper, where the bartenders are always pouring, the mugs are always flying, and the memories are always flowing.
Call a cab
Had fun? We did. Leave us suggestion for gaming bars we should visit next year. We'll make sure to have a look at the comments right after we take a quick nap in this bush right... over... here... zZzZz...
Still standing? Keep the afterparty going in If video games and consoles were cocktails and St. Paddy's Day Disgraces: Six of gaming's most offensive Irish stereotypes.