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Nintendo in digitally-distributed erotica scandal (kind of). Explicit (pixelly) lady parts found in '90s Kirby game

Okay, so the descriptions in the headline might be a bit of an exaggeration. To be fair, your mileage may vary on this one. In fact the actual level of arousal you're about to experience will definitely be entirely relative to a couple of key factors. Namely how erotic you find giant pixels, and how desperately starved of any sort of sexual contact/imagery you might be. But mark my words, if you're a retro graphics enthusiast with a fetish for large, chunky, almost-square women, and you've just got out of prison after several decades in solitary confinement, my god, this is going to send steam coming out of your ears.*

There? See? Utter filth, hidden away in a Kirby Game Boy game for the last 17 years. Like a dirty, stinking sex-troll secreted in the warm, dark crevices beneath an otherwise bright and innocent-looking bridge made out of marshmallows and rainbows. 

How did this cuboid abstraction of female physiology make it into 1995's Kirby's Dream Land 2? No-one knows for certain, but my guess would involve the words "bored developer", "empty office", and "lunch break".


Above: Video evidence. It's even worse in motion. I probably really should have age-gated this

This shouldn't really be surprising though. I mean just look at Kirby. Just look at him. He's simply a giant boob with a face, isn't he? Or just a great big bouncing bollock, depending on the subjective filtering of your Freudian predilections. And sucking things. Always, he's sucking things. He's just one great big psycho-sexual nightmare, and if they ever make a movie out of the Dream Land series, I will accept no-one other than David Cronenberg to direct.

Oh, and it turns out that this most foul and offending of games is now out on the 3DS Virtual console. Expecting a patch in 3, 2, 1...

Source

*Sexy steam, made of fluids.

13 comments

  • Clovin64 - May 21, 2012 10:41 a.m.

    What other depraved filth have Nintendo hidden away in my games? Oh God, now I'm afraid to play Ocarina 3D again!
  • shawksta - May 21, 2012 3:12 p.m.

    Realisticly speaking, Nintendo is used to hiding away some disturbing and dark stuff in their Rated E games, the obvious one being Rare's Banjo-Tooie if you havnt known already XD
  • david-thomas - November 9, 2012 11:16 p.m.

    Nintendo wasn't responsible for anything dark and/or disturbing in Banjo Tooie. Rare ware was. Even tho Banjo Tooie was on a Nintendo Console Rare are the ones who made the game. Do a bit of research first or just common sense. Both work pretty well.
  • shawksta - November 10, 2012 2:45 a.m.

    First off, odd that you would reply to a comment 5 months ago, second, that's why I said "RARES banjo-tooie" but I do admit I wasn't specifically clear but then again it WAS 5 months ago and this site still lacks an edit button
  • ObliqueZombie - May 21, 2012 10:24 a.m.

    :I
  • archnite - May 21, 2012 8:55 a.m.

    If only I had known, I could have yoinked to this when I was twelve! oh the lost potential.
  • J-Fid - May 21, 2012 8:50 a.m.

    The best part of the video is the song. That's one of my favorite Kirby songs. For that alone, thank you!
  • Sgt. Beefheart - May 21, 2012 7:49 a.m.

    Nintendo robbed me of my innocence with this. I demand Zelda Majora's Mask 3D and Mother 3 translated as indemnization.
  • FierceDeity - May 21, 2012 11:57 p.m.

    i whole heartetly second this comment also LOL at the enemy on the "triangle", he's loving it!
  • KA87 - May 21, 2012 7:08 a.m.

    To be honest the block formation under it kind of looks like the male part hanging down. They just want you to think its a big Y LOL. Man you got to love subliminal messages in the morning. TY for a good laugh.
  • radiodeaf - May 21, 2012 7:03 a.m.

    It's not just pixelated boobs, the whole stage is a naked women.
  • KA87 - May 21, 2012 7:13 a.m.

    OMG now that I really look at it I can see it. The face, then chest, then belly button, and then her lady part. Oh that is creepy, who know Kirby was such a perv.
  • shawksta - May 21, 2012 6:58 a.m.

    Ah, a David post to make my morning swell. Pixelated boobs have relevance if their blocks but hell, we'll take it XD Kirby's Dreamland 2!? On the Eshop!? Booya! Rick! RIIIIIIICK!

Showing 1-13 of 13 comments

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