Mike Haggar’s Christmas Miracle

’Twas the night before Christmas, and within Metro City
the Mad Gear gang kidnapped Jessica, cuz they thought she was pretty.
The mayor, Mike Haggar, was consumed by great worry.
“Those punks kidnapped my daughter!” he said in his fury.

For too long had the gang filled the city with dread;
Haggar vowed to bash open each gang member’s head.
Alongside Cody and Guy, he took to the street,
Where his enemies would feel his fists and his feet.

Then what did they spy near the city’s West Side?
At a gas station parked was a gang-member’s ride.
Using pipes they destroyed it, with the greatest of ease.
“Oh, my car,” sobbed the owner, as he dropped to his knees.

In a bar they were ambushed and thrown in a cage
But their foes quickly fell before our heroes’ rage.
And just to make sure Mad Gear knew who’s on top
Haggar beat the crap out of a vicious rogue cop.

To the industrial area the brave trio went,
Yet after pummeling Rolento they were all but spent.
Luck’ly they knew how to prevent their defeat;
They punched over a trash can and devoured the meat.

“It’s Simons! And Poison! And Axl and Dug!
There’s Roxy! And Two P! And some lowly thug!
Grab ’em,” said Haggar. “Slam ‘em into the wall!
Now smash away! Smash away! Smash away all!”

Like water on rock, the Mad Gear were knocked back.
They couldn’t withstand Haggar’s spinning attack.
Guy leapt off the fence and kicked them in the face
While Cody’s blows knocked all of their teeth out of place.

The battle would go on forever, it seemed,
But from a skyscraper above, poor Jessica screamed.
Haggar quickly pursued the ear-shattering shriek,
To find his daughter with Belgar, Mad Gear’s number-one freak.

Haggar had seen enough; he’d no longer stand by.
So he grabbed onto his foe and leapt into the sky.
There was slim chance that Belgar would be a survivor
as he felt the full force of Haggar’s piledriver.

Belgar’s body was broken; his mind was aloof.
He staggered, and stumbled, and slipped off the roof.
But Haggar heard him exclaim, as he fell out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all, Final Fight!”

Happy holidays, everyone! (And if you suddenly have an itch to experience Haggar’s backdropping, piledriving adventures first-hand, you can always download Final Fight: Double Impact on PSN or XBLA, or grab the Super NES version of Final Fight on Wii’s Virtual Console.)

Want more final fighting? Check out gaming's most satisfying uppercuts and Nintendo: Banned in the USA.