Guys vs Games: Which is better?

This past summer, your favorite chauvinists at GR wondered loudly if games were better than women. After a thoroughly scientific test, we decided that games were in fact a smidge more favorable than the fairer sex, but just slightly. As we sat atop our thrones, proud of our journalistic integrity, a lone voice from a small blog grabbed our attention. Jessica V. of PinkNINJA wanted to refute our claims. So, we gave her a soapbox. Enjoy!

Recently, the reprobates at GamesRadar paired women and games in a head to head competition that somehow deemed games the more worthy of love from men. Time to turn the tables.

Frankly speaking, games require a hell of a lot less effort than guys from a woman’s point of view. PlayStation doesn’t care if we shave our legs and/or wear makeup.  Our stubble and over-sized pajamas mean nothing to our 360s.  Games also give us hours of pleasure. Guys? Minutes, tops.

The big question is therefore whether guys are worth all of the beautification and effort- simply put: guys vs. games.

Most games go through countless hours of rigorous testing. There are many poor souls in the industry doing thankless quality assurance while being chained to their chairs playing terrible games non-stop. As glorified indentured servants, they’re lucky if they still have thumbprints, friends or family anymore for that matter.

Sure, the usual quirks pop up in certain multiplayer maps, which will inevitably be exploited. In time they’ll get fixed or perhaps even become a beloved feature of the game. Fragmentation can happen, but a quick re-install of the game files can make everything well and dandy again.

Grade: Reliability is a priority to any major game

Just as with games, guys naturally have flaws. Can guys clean themselves up? Doubt it. They never seem to leave the beta stage.  Sometimes, for example, you need to remind ‘em that wearing their napkin as a bib at a formal dinner just isn’t appropriate. Or that hole in a popcorn bag trick - not enticing.

Grade:  A permanent version 1 won’t land you in our pants.

It hasn’t yet been proven if a game has the capacity to love. The companion cube is supposed to love you, but that whore of a box loves everybody. AI hasn’t yet expanded to incorporate the emotion (Ed. I’m counting down the days), so games will always leave you feeling a little empty. Any game character that says they love you is no different than the bartender who compliments you; it’s their job - you’re not special.

Grade: They don’t mean it! It’s all an act.

Although most guys won’t act like pussies, they do have room for love… somewhere. Love for the ladies, though, doesn’t always seem to be at the top of the list.  Their priorities usually look something like this:

- cars
- girls lying on cars
- girly parts
- bacon
- girls draped in bacon
- girls

I hope you guys still have your pants on now that I have mentioned bacon.  Good thing it only takes one hand to click a mouse. 

Grade: Guys have the potential for love… somewhere.

Any game worth your scratch requires ample amounts of time to beat the campaign and complete any side missions. You don’t want to look like an asshole with the lowest Gamerscore of all of your friends, right?

Above: That’s a whole lot of GTA hours

Grade:  Games want to be with you.

Merely mention commitment around a guy and you’ll wonder when they became a magician capable of pulling the disappearing act. If you like relationship poison, then by all means - go for it.


Here are a few things that guys would prefer to hearing a girl talking about commitment:
- getting a root canal
- having their junk slammed in a doorjam

Guys will “commit” to a girl as long as the relationship feels fun and new, but will jet to the nearest, cheapest hooker when shit turns permanent.

Grade: *Sigh

We Recommend By ZergNet


  • baconHalo - March 9, 2011 9:50 p.m.

    My list is totally different. it's girls, then girly parts, then girls draped in bacon, then videogames, then bacon. Not really into cars.
  • randilon - December 2, 2010 12:52 a.m.

    Well my girlfriend is not a gamer so I WON!
  • Buland - September 21, 2010 2:56 p.m.

    Who's ready for a Guy Gamers vs Gal Gamers article? :p
  • katwood92 - October 4, 2008 7:30 p.m.

    Lighten up! Both articles are just jokes, not serious opinions of the opposite gender. They're using those dumb sterotypes to point out how ridiculous they are. It's called satire. I mean seriously, how many people even think that way. Answer: three, and they're all bitter and anti-social.
  • foolonfire - September 20, 2008 1:40 p.m.

    How about guys vs. girls, from a game's point of view?
  • Gahmah - September 19, 2008 11:31 a.m.

    Well the demographic for the site is now even CLEARER (oh if only there were italics). decent article though.
  • Lerious - September 18, 2008 1:39 p.m.

    zeden, Most you be such a flamer, you could possibly got your point across without being rude. P.S. Most of my friends aren't afraid of Commitment so if your looking i can help everyone out. (I'm not talking about myself)
  • zeden - September 18, 2008 10:46 a.m.

    Reading both this and the Girls vs Games article was a bad idea and an insult to not only every man, but every woman gamer I know. Both writers seem to be hung up on childish notions of gender roles. "Boys are lazy, sex obsessed and stupid", "Girls are superficial, unlike games most women are exactly the same, and they like to spend time in the company of their boyfriends!", "We're both bitter because we've had crap relationships with poorly chosen parteners, our expectations of the opposite sex really highlights this" He's a suggestion for Jessica V, rather than lower yourself by spouting similarly sexist rubbish as a way of striking back against a man with the sexual maturity of a pig tail pulling seven year old, why not write about the misconceptions, the contradicitons of his article. Or maybe, just maybe, ignore it as the idiocy it is, safe in the knowledge that there are actually a large majority of men and women that don't fit these lazy cliche's. I hope for the sake of the site that these backwards thinking, stereotype re-enforcing morons aren't actually being paid for writing such rubbish. And yeah, it's meant to be a joke, but if I want this kind of humor I'll watch some sitcoms from the 1970's when this kind of stereotyping was fresh.
  • SpecialtyDrone - September 17, 2008 1:58 p.m.

    Pwned. I'm surprised by all the emotionally stunted comments. Lighten up, kids.
  • JosephCh - September 17, 2008 11:37 a.m.

    Well that felt ... demeaning :P. The bacon part was a punch to the berries too. Great article though. Guess we guys sorta had it coming ;). Also, lol @ Ravenbom comment!
  • Z-man427 - September 17, 2008 8:03 a.m.

    too bad there are more guy gamers than girl gamers. what would video games be like without college age guys? Guitar Hero wouldn't sell and neither would halo
  • Wave360 - September 17, 2008 12:44 a.m.

    I havent clicked on page 2 but there better not be a pic of a guy wearing nothing and has a SNES covering his dick
  • Tochy - September 17, 2008 12:16 a.m.

    bacon=EPIC FAIL
  • Amnesiac - September 16, 2008 11:46 p.m.

    Games vs. Bacon? Hint: bacon wins. It's nature's candy.
  • iluvmyDS - September 16, 2008 11:18 p.m.

    Oh jesus, this is a bad joke.
  • adatron771 - September 16, 2008 11:15 p.m.

    can they do games vs. bacon next?
  • Jimmyjammy - September 16, 2008 11:11 p.m.

    Epic meh.
  • TheSuburbiaRuins - September 16, 2008 10:48 p.m.

    I lol'd at the shallowness of this.
  • bull06 - September 30, 2008 5:03 a.m.

    mmmm bacon grrl
  • solidslayerr - September 19, 2008 4:08 a.m.

    This sounds just like some very bitter article written by someone that got offended by the girls vs videogames article...

Showing 1-20 of 34 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000


Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.