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Game-inspired sexual positions

Valentine’s Day approaches! What’re you gonna do? Get your special someone a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a card with a puppy on it? How Hallmark™ of you. We have a better way to ignite that sexy spark… by which we mean worse: gaming, plus, sex. It’s so stupid it just might work…or involve more awkward silences and tears than a JRPG. But hey, give us a chance - a little experimentation keeps things fresh, right? Your partner will either thank you for your ingenuity, or be forever disgusted by the thought of you. Good luck!


Above: A more considerate version of the alternate “BOOM! HEADSHOT!”


Above: A little ball of joy


Above: This particular position is 100 times hotter if she gets the Castlevania reference


Above: A very challenging maneuver (Press Z or R twice!)


Above: A titillating way to get her in the mood


Above: The slow and calculated descent is sure to excite…just be sure not to shoot the “invader” prematurely


Above: Not a sexual position as much as a strategy, but important nonetheless

So, to answer your question, this is how ridiculous we are. What. And yet we continue, because once we start brainstorming we can’t stop. Here are a few of the ideas we couldn’t illustrate, so you’ll just have to use your imagination. But imagination is what it’s all about… we just hope your partner welcomes your bolstered creative drive… shaft.

Gold Farming
The Red Ring
Entering the Matrix
The Dirty Ramirez
Blast Processing
Hammer of Dawn
The Two Fisted Waggle
Grinding for Experience
The Preemptive Strike
The Sticky Grenade
Eating the Cherry
SEXAXIS
The Zerg Rush
The Mega Drive
The BioSlap
The Splicer
Use the Boost to Get Through
Dual-Wielding
Inverted Aim
The Will Wright Angle

Feb 10, 2010


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62 comments

  • AuthorityFigure - February 5, 2011 2 a.m.

    Custard's Last Revenge.
  • RoyalAssassin - August 23, 2010 11:20 p.m.

    the KATAMARI is hilarious, imagine it going down a hill...
  • humpiedumpie - August 23, 2010 7:54 p.m.

    I laughed so hard at this haha
  • Kytl - February 25, 2010 10:48 p.m.

    pfffftttt DO A BARREL ROLL!
  • D0CCON - February 17, 2010 12:10 a.m.

    ewww, The Sticky Grenade, ewww
  • humpiedumpie - February 16, 2010 5:50 p.m.

    Hammer of dawn haha
  • super0sonic - February 14, 2010 9:30 a.m.

    That "the katamari" is genius!!
  • FinderKeeper - February 14, 2010 4:02 a.m.

    "The Katamari": Full of multiplayer WIN... (among other things) ;-)
  • MaynardJ - February 14, 2010 1:05 a.m.

    Not being a native English speaker, I didn't get all the sexual references in the list, but especially "Use the boost to get through" got me laughing. Also, I'm happy you didn't call it the Red Ring OF DEATH. How about "The Twin Snakes" (2 guys, 1 girl), or "Warrior Within" (find your own dirty meaning for that)?
  • Ru89 - February 13, 2010 2:23 p.m.

    LMAO @the 2 fisted waggle
  • iNSANE - February 13, 2010 1:03 p.m.

    Lol do a barrel roll.
  • Gameguy94 - February 13, 2010 4:20 a.m.

    I'm pretty sure we don't have to tell GR how in credibly WRONG this is. still its funny all the same.
  • Metroidhunter32 - February 13, 2010 2:17 a.m.

    Seriously, no teabagging? Why not?
  • lovinmyps3 - February 13, 2010 midnight

    Barrel roll!! Brilliant!!
  • HailCaeser - February 12, 2010 8:49 p.m.

    The Red Ring sounds like that thing I had to use special cream to get rid of after that one dance I went to with the school slut *Ahh Good Times* How about the Care Package? Or the Killtacular?
  • DaBadGuy - February 12, 2010 8:10 p.m.

    The......two fisted waggle........oh......my, damn you gamesradar, thats how u get away with it, you put the words out and say use your imagination, so the pictures are only in our head and you are not responible for the unholy images, touche Mr Wilde, touche.
  • PlainOldGamer - February 12, 2010 4:11 p.m.

    Well this made me...lol! I like the Wind Waker XD
  • Val24 - February 12, 2010 1:05 p.m.

    AWESOME, TYLER! LOL'd a crap load!
  • rxb - February 12, 2010 12:39 p.m.

    Sick but funny. Cool art.
  • camelfro - February 12, 2010 8:02 a.m.

    great article wat about the mega buster!

Showing 1-20 of 62 comments

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