9 games that had sex needlessly shoehorned into them

Some games need sex to get their message across. After all, what would Leisure Suit Larry be without its sperm rhythm action games or the bits where you have to get into the undergarments of college students? Some titles, though, just stick in some irrational intercourse for the hell of it.

Whether its taking time out on a bloody quest for vengeance to get saucy with a god or shagging an alien sidekick because he’s been romantic enough to buy a cheap bottle of hooch, all the games inside seemingly thought they’d benefit from a bit of shoehorned sexy time. 

Warning: The following videos obviously all contain scenes showing intimate, sweaty acts. If you're not old enough to view them you should promptly navigate away from this page.

God of War trilogy

Turns out, no one in ancient Greece could afford enough clothing to cover their shame (i.e. their mythological lady bumps). Well, that’s if God of War’s take on history is anything to go by. Not only do most of the wenches Kratos encounters flash him at every turn, they’re also happy to drop their loincloths at a moment’s notice so our baldy murderer can earn a few extra orbs via sex mini games.

After his sexual escapades in God of War and its sequel, the Ghost of Sparta is such an able performer in the sack he’s able to perform the horizontal mumbo with Aphrodite (aka the friggin’ goddess of love) in the third game. And what does all this add to Kratos' tale of brutal revenge and paternal murder you ask? Eh, well it could be argued... aww screw it. Here’s some Sackboy-censored boobs for you to look at…

Fear Effect 2: Retro Helix

Sheesh, we get it already, Hana. You’re a sex-obsessed mercenary for hire who thinks the solution to all of life’s problems is to unzip your slinky cocktail dress. C’mon, though, do you really have to take your bloody clothes off every time the going gets tough? On the other hand, Hana and her lover do make a good point...

Sorry, were we saying something? Ah, that’s right, Fear Effect 2’s got loads of needlessly sexy bits. If it’s not the heroes being imprisoned in traps that act like giant sex machines or indulging in a bit of softcore in an elevator, well it’s basically irrelevant. Honestly can anyone remember anything about Retro Helix other than the picture below?

Above: You totally respect me for my personality, right?

Overlord II

Here’s a few things that should appear on any aspiring dictator’s to do list. 1) Wipe out all strands of democracy 2) Enslave every man, woman and child within 2000 miles 3) Have a really evil foursome whenever the hell you want.

And here we were thinking our overlord should have been planning complex military strategies to conquer nearby towns and vanquishing his enemies. Clearly, all it takes to rule a kingdom is to send out a bunch of things that look like Gremlin rejects to do your bidding while you get your sexy on with your mistresses. It’s hard to argue Overlord II’s sex references haven’t just been thrown in as a bit of last minute titillation. Mind you, when one of the game’s missions revolves around clubbing baby seals to death, we probably shouldn’t be surprised.

Above: Man, mass-murdering dictators really have it hard

Mass Effect 2

Seeing as we wrote a whole guide on how to bump uglies with almost every member of Shepard's crew, we figured this deserved a place on here. But words are such clumsy creatures, so we’ll let pictures fully convey the horror of Mass Effect 2’s optional, completely unnecessary interspecies relations…

Above: Pal, you’re not the only one 

Above: Ooh, romantic

Above: Pah, that’s the oldest line in the book. She’ll never fall for that…

Above: Then again, what do we know?

But lets forget all that extra martial ET unpleasantness that feels completely tacked onto the game's plot. Now, did someone say “getting a borderline striptease from a subordinate”?


  • SenatorPepper - August 12, 2010 4:30 a.m.

    That last pic really made me wish I hadn't just eaten at Denny's.
  • FauxFurry - August 12, 2010 12:52 a.m.

    A few other article suggestions: Games that shoehorn in Fight Scenes/Violence when it doesn't fit into the plot. That would be a mighty long list(largely populated by JRPGs). Games with Gratuitous Gluttony. Is any game enriched by scenes of characters eating, especially to excess,outside of pandering to the 'generously proportioned gamers' out there? They're just trying to cash in on the food fetishists not left satisfied by the Food Network and Hollywood movies with erotic eating!
  • FauxFurry - August 12, 2010 12:42 a.m.

    The God of War series' quicktime sex events (that doesn't even read out right. He has tons of stamina for ripping innocent bystanders in half but only 30 seconds to spare for the sex dolls/wenches? It looks like Kratos is over-compensating for something.)didn't have to be tacked-on had the game been open-world game or an rpg. It would have fit the setting as much as the pre-Abarahamic Religion general lack of body shame in the game.(At least the characters don't have some goofy Oedipus Complex-fueled breast fetish in addition to rage issues.) Plan a scene around a fertility festival or showing Kratos make Daddy's Little Replacement Relative and there they go. It's a hack-and-slash,though. Those are all about shrinking the population,not replenishing it. I second/third/fourth the notion that GamesRadar do a feature about games in which sex adds to the game such as the Sims series or Spore(what passes for sex in a game about Evolution which is E-rated for some reason despite the fact that evolution is as much driven by sexual selection as it is by environmental pressures and competition between species)or, of course, Leissure Suit Larry(or Rapelay?).
  • Samael - August 11, 2010 10:03 p.m.

    @ViewtifulBrandon A good guy? He was NEVER a good guy! He was almost more of a bastard than Allende and once he got power he became just as bad if not worse! There's a newspaper article that appears after Reyes gains power that shows he became a tyrant as well. I so desperately wanted to beat the shit outta him at least once...
  • ViewtifulBrandon - August 11, 2010 6:25 p.m.

    Reyes could have done so much better :/ That was disgusting, but it did show that even though he was a good guy he was still a liar and a prick when it came to women
  • Modroneman - August 11, 2010 2:19 p.m.

    Shoehorned shmoohorned.. I like sex!
  • philipshaw - August 11, 2010 10:32 a.m.

    It's like David Cage doesn't know what sex is lol
  • HawtKakez - August 11, 2010 9:20 a.m.

    I hope there is a follow up article with games that needed sex shoehorned in.
  • MaynardJ - August 11, 2010 7:23 a.m.

    @Ihopethisisnotantistasblood: I'm presently playing Killer 7, and was also going to mention that one scene. Not quite functional, though it could be there to give old Harlan some more personality as a total badass:-)
  • DrillurSimpson - August 11, 2010 4:52 a.m.

    Uh, I'm going into game design, and the first game I make will be about boobs. I don't care if it's childish. Tits are never bad.
  • AuthorityFigure - August 11, 2010 2:21 a.m.

    Conclusion: Custer's Revenge had it's legitimate sexual content.
  • TheWebSwinger - August 11, 2010 1:34 a.m.

    Dark Watch. @Crazytar: yr doin it rong.
  • alexcook - August 11, 2010 midnight

    I've played most of those games. The article is pretty spot on to me, but I agree with a lot of the posters about ME2. It's optional, and it's implemented well. Baldur's Gate 2 still had the best romances in a game IMHO, and it didn't need a scene though. JPorFavor, I know exactly what you mean about Fate Stay/Night. I own the anime series and played the game for the other versions of the story. The mature scenes were disgusting as you said, but that's sort of the company's MO. It's a shame that they generally are great stories with that added in to it just like Tsukihime (spelling?).
  • Samael - August 10, 2010 11:20 p.m.

    Damn...and just when I thought I was beginning to like...well maybe tolerate Meikleham's articles...he has to bring up how "horrible" the Garrus/alien romances in ME2 are, with all the finesse of a little girl at a playground screaming "EWW!" at an earthworm the class clown threw on her. I mostly agree with the other examples on this list, but Bioware is one of the very few game companies out there that can make romance and sex in a video game work and, IMHO and THOUSANDS of others, not feel weird or tacked-on. The Garrus romance was no exception. Maybe, just MAYBE, we're not just romancing him for his appearance? Maybe we like his intriguing backstory, well-written dialogue and Brandon Keener's voice-work as well? Just a thought.
  • AnonymouZ - August 10, 2010 10:26 p.m.

    oh em gee GR. since when is sex NEEDLESS?
  • theschwartzb - August 10, 2010 9:06 p.m.

    Yes, I would also like to know the answer to KNITEpanda's question.
  • oufour - August 10, 2010 8:16 p.m.

    i don't know about mass effect, i think they implemented it nicely into the game. but that red dead thing is FUCKED UP man.
  • SweatyCrease - August 10, 2010 8:12 p.m.

    At least Abraham Reyes didn't make Marston wait for the vinegar stroke, that would have been a little bit awkward.........
  • Doctalen - August 10, 2010 6:57 p.m.

    The RDR was really revolting. I freaked out when I saw that lady's breasts. Really out of everything why was that included.
  • crazytar - August 10, 2010 6:25 p.m.

    i've only played ME2 and RDR so i didn't have known about these other sexy games. thanks Gamesradar!

Showing 1-20 of 39 comments

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