11 badass game characters who should be wimps

They might not look all that, but give them the wrong look and the following group of surprising badasses will kill the hell out of you. Wimpy either in appearance, profession or nature it doesn’t stop these secretly Chuck Norris hard characters from saving the world and giving evil the bird, while murdering hundreds of baddies in the process.

Somehow, though, we’re just not buying their unexplained ass-kicking awesomeness. And if their games were more realistic, we suspect most of them would die instantly in the volatile circumstances they’re thrown into. Still, next time you pick up a pad, keep your eyes on that innocent looking chap with the glasses and tie. Chances are, he’s about to decapitate you.

Chris Stone

Being a surprising badass in: Freedom Fighters

Apparently, in the Soviet-controlled bizarro world developer IO cooked up for their ace squad shooter, the average plumber has all the tactical military nous of General Rommel. With nary a bit of training Chris makes the jump from humble commode jockey to leader of a citywide resistance force in a few weeks. Mr Stone not only handles automatic weaponry with ease, he also dishes out complex squad commands like a war-grizzled veteran. Quite the step up from unplunging folks’ crappers.

The wimpy version

Had the Hitman developers portrayed an accurate version of a toilet tradesman we suspect there’d have been less capping Ruskies in their invading faces, more fixing dodgy water valves. We love fighting Soviet oppression and raising American flags to a bit of rousing Jesper Kyd music, but would it have killed IO to chuck in a couple of boiler-fixing mini-games?

Above: The fight for freedom always needs a good unclogging

Gordon Freeman

Being a surprising badass in: Half-Life series

Striking a blow for bespectacled science types everywhere, Gogsy is the most accomplished mass-murdering alien badass this side of Ellen Ripley. A lowly man of Bunsen burners and physics problems, the Freeman somehow manages to best armies of aliens, giant ants and nefarious SS-esque soldiers with no known combat training. After all, who needs weapons expertise when you can wield a crowbar like it’s a lightsaber of evil government-defying death?

The wimpy version

It might not make for the most glamorous of games, but a more realistic version of Mr. Freeman’s professional day would see him focus all his efforts on honing his theoretical physics theories. Sod protecting the planet from Headcrabs. There’s Einstein manifolds to be broken out and natural phenomenon to be explained with complicated math.