50 video games explained really badly

Sensationalise me

Remember that short-lived Twitter fad #explainafilmplotbadly? Yes, well, you can rest assured that this piece of hard-hitting investigative journalism is absolutely, 100-percent dissimilar. No wait it's exactly the same. Of course there are a number of minor caveats to consider. For one, not all of these entries are 'bad' - some are simply undercooked - while others remain plain old ignorant. Think of it like a giant resource centre for tabloid news rags and outraged parents' groups. Vis-a-vis "I know I left my son at that broken glass factory officer, but damnit, if I can't blame my personal failings on the latest GTA, then what can I blame?"

So, if you're on a deadline, need a scapegoat, or fancy fabricating a fresh and tasty moral outrage, why not give this handy guide a go? There's enough badly described plotlines for everyone! Hurray!

The Walking Dead

A convicted killer takes a young girl on a hugely dangerous hike.

Final Fantasy X

A star athlete pursues his abusive father through time. Daddy is a genocidal whale beast.

Splinter Cell

Gymnastic 50-something dons black spandex outfit; chokes men.

The Last of Us

Grizzled killer escorts vulnerable girl through disorderly garden centre.

Star Wars: Bounty Hunter

Softly spoken mercenary assassinates deranged woman in order to procure a son.

Abe's Odyssey

Low-income employee discovers staff cuts, skives off work with his buds.

Crash Bandicoot

Mutant marsupial kills dozens of animals in order to punish reckless scientist for harming animals.

Mass Effect

Space age sailor goes from port to port, seeking out desperate ladies / men / blue things with whom to dock his ship.


Unstoppable super soldier escorts lunatic A.I. to humanity's most-vulnerable hotspots.

Samuel James Riley
When he's not busy saving small animals from dangerous brush fires, Sam enjoys writing about the weird world of video games. All-time favourites include Half-Life 2, Knights of the Old Republic, GTA: Vice City and Final Fantasy 10. Last year, Sam finally succeeded in besting Rayman 1 for PlayStation, leaving his life utterly without meaning.