Videogames present: Hip Hop's finest hour

B. Rap Boyz

Rumor has it that Kaneko designed this arcade game for none other than the Beastie Boys, complete with their music, likenesses and a Check Your Head logo on the cabinet. But even the fellas who once rapped about Defender took one look at the thing and dismissed it as wiggity wack. Mike D, Ad-Rock, and MCA Universal were hastily reskinned as Jin Eric Skater, Whitey Cyclist and Token McBlackroller, and B. Rap Boys trickled out into a few arcades before getting lost forever.

Buck Bumble

With a stupid plot, soccer-based multiplayer and an extreme case of eye-straining pop-in, Buck Bumble’s biggity-beats may be the best thing it has going. Even if they’re terrible. If you laughed at the DK Rap, this is what rap music sounds like without an N64 Expansion Pak.

Above:Hello… Is there a game out there?

Seven Samurai 20XX

With the cooperation of the late director’s family, the developers behind Street Fighter IV were given permission to remake Akira Kurosawa’s masterpiece… into a futuristic hack-and-slash saga about cyborgs, soul reavers, and humanoids that lasted about an hour longer than the original film. As if the source material hadn’t seen enough improvement, you’ll also meet a pair of rapping bosses called The Hip Hop Boys. You see, because they’re boys who… we’ll let them explain:

Not all rappers are basketball players. However, all basketball players are aspiring MCs. It must be something in the Sprite.

Slam City in Scotty Pippen

In 1995, an all FMV basketball game probably looked like the best idea in the world. Well, right next to rapping your own theme song, which Scotty Pippen did during his unforgettable visit to Slam City!

Noble effort, Mr. Pippen. But you ain’t got nothin’ on M.Doc’s “Whatcha Gonna Do?” theme song from NBA Hang Time.

Among the billion or so unlockable characters in NBA Jam, you know you had a couple of rappers. Heavy D (of the Boyz fame) and all three Boys of Beastie are present and indistinguishable beyond the character select menu. Luckily, you’re only required to care about one appearance:

Above: Awesome! Yet it was probably the direct cause of:

Above: Believe it or not, you're looking at Flavor Flav, Terminator X and Chuck D facing off against LL Cool J, Warren G and Queen Latifah!

What’s a sports game without athletes? Why it’s this embarrassing vanity project, presumptuously titled RapJam Vol. 1! Containing little jam, and no rap whatsoever, RJV1 gave dozens of excited players the opportunity to finally pit unrecognizable versions of their favorite musicians against child characters scrapped from the NES version of Jeopardy.

Above: One of these things is not like the other