We’ve all been there. You’ve trawled your way through a dungeon, looted every burial urn and Draugr in sight, and have finally sold your junk... err, we mean treasures. Now you have a pocketful of septims at your disposal. Unfortunately that currency is only good in the virtual world of Skyrim, but don’t worry! There are tons of goodies you can buy with real money. Here’s some of the best Skyrim merchandise out there to make your room of choice a shrine to everything Elder Scrolls.
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Alduin prophecy mug
Occasionally we need a reminder to carpe diem. Thank Talos then for this mug, which will ensure you don’t forget the terror of a giant dragon coming down to usher us into a new, dark age of fire, fire, and more fire. You can take gulps of your morning hot beverage while contemplating just how well you’d fare in an end-of-the-world draconic situation. Without any dragon shouts at your disposal. Or magic. Yeah, best not to dwell on that too much.
Buy it US/UK: $4.99 on ThinkGeek
Despite the fact that we’re not able to spout fire or electricity from our palms in this plane of reality, you might still want to prove that you’d be really good at it if we could. So you’ll be wanting this Winterhold College t-shirt. Emblazoned with the emblem of the prestigious college of magic found in the snowy, half-destroyed town of Winterhold, it’ll mark you out as a potentially industrious mage to those in the know. Or it might just make your elderly relatives think that you’re attending a fancy college.
Longing for a light-hearted, fun game to play that definitely won’t destroy friendships and increase the potential for someone storming out of the room in a rage? Then monopoly isn’t for you. However, if you do relish enough drama to sate a Daedric Prince’s appetite, this board game is perfect. You can visit Guilds, build your inventory at either the Blacksmith or Alchemist, spend all those septims and - of course - fight over the new metal pieces. The cheese wheel is going to be the most disputed one. Obviously. Just watch out for dragons, which will annihilate your hard-won properties in a single swipe....
Dovahkiin Funko Pop
If you haven’t already succumbed to those wide, cute (some would say dead) eyes, then we salute you. And then we’re going to present you with the Dovahkiin Funko Pop. Just look at it! We don’t need a charisma skill of 100 to prove that it’s worth the septims, as the attention to detail is glorious. Decked out in hide armour with the trademark horned iron helmet, it even has some recent battle scars scratched into the helm. Probably after the Dovahkiin fought a giant dragon. Aww. The mental image of a cute, pint-sized Dovahkiin tackling a giant winged reptile is one that’ll stick with us for a lifetime.
Dead Man's Drink tankard
Take this down to the pub, and people would just think you were a very loyal patron of a bar called the Dead Man’s Drink. Ha. Little do they know this discrete glass tankard actually references the inn of the same name in Falkreath. As it’s the place with Skyrim’s largest graveyard, the name is a bit of a dark joke on the townspeople’s part… Drinking from it will give you a decent dose of morbidity that’s sure to satisfy anyone with a love for skulls, ravens, or just really good ale.
The world of Tamriel hasn’t quite mastered the art of paper money, but that doesn’t mean you need to follow suit and carry around a coin pouch. Instead try this (faux) leather wallet, inscribed with draconic text that speaks about the Dovahkiin. It’s even got a coin pouch for all your loose septims, plus a transparent section for your identity card of choice. Or you could fill it with a photo of the character from your longest Skyrim save, and look at it longingly while you’re at work.
Daedric warrior Dorbz
Daedric warriors are merciless, devious, and ruthless. Yet somehow also incredibly cute! Aww to your heart’s content at the fearsome fighters thanks to Dorbz. Decked in armour made out of ebony ingots - and the blood of Daedra, chillingly - it’s sure to remind you just how awe-inspiring you’ll look once you’ve got that endgame armour. Plus it also makes the unpredictable Daedra seem much less frightening than they really are, so when you start your Daedric quests you’re less likely to tremble at the way they meddle in mortals’ affairs. Just don’t tell them how adorable they are in person. They won’t like that.
It’s a question that’s plagued us since 2011. What exactly is the best thing to wear when you’re settling down to a mammoth Skyrim session, when comfort is your biggest priority? We have the answer: a onesie. Not just any onesie, though. A Skyrim onesie. Branded especially for those of us who love the idea of laying on the sofa for hours on end as we slay dragons in a virtual world, it even comes with pockets to fill with snacks. That’s a big deal. Just don’t try to fit in an entire cheese wheel.
Sometimes eating homemade sweet rolls and wearing a knitted iron helmet just isn’t taking it far enough. Now you can also smell Skyrim thanks to this candle. Emitting a scent much like the pine-covered slopes of Falkreath, it’ll make you feel like you’re trekking through the wilderness with a sword in your hand. This candle is also handmade in the UK and burns for about 25 hours - otherwise known as one particularly intense play session.
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