The Top 7... Cheerleaders

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Get ready for short skirts and high kicks

2. Charlie Macdonald's cheerleaders | No More Heroes 2

In complete contrast to the noble sentiments expressed at the end of the previous entry, we are now going to artistically appreciate some boobs and midriff. The inspiration for this Top 7 was Lollipop Chainsaw. If you don't know - and you really should - the heroine of that game is one Juliet Starling. She's a professional killer of zombies. Not only that, she carries around the disembodied head of her boyfriend and wields a hulking great chainsaw with which to do her cadaver culling. Oh, and - nearly forgot - she's a cheerleader. But seeing as though we haven't even played Lollipop Chainsaw yet because it's still being made, we thought it would be unfair to include her. Even though she already looks like she's going to be the best cheerleader EFFVUR! Here's a picture of her anyway:

Above: We think we're going to like Juliet Starling

Luckily we didn't have to look too far for more amaze-o cheerleaders. In fact, we only looked as far as No More Heroes 2. Which, like Lollipop Chainsaw, is made by one of the most exciting men making games right now, Goichi 'Suda 51' Suda. But surely the cheerleaders in NMH2, no matter how amazing, can't really compare to short-skirted slayer of the undead Juliet Starling? You better believe they can. For starters, there's lots of them. 24 to be precise. All identical. All on roller skates. All shamelessly sexualised. And you just know these aren't your normal cheerleaders when the cheer of "Yaaaaaaaay violence!" goes up in unison. Then this happens...

If you can't believe what your eyes just witnessed, let us recap what happened there. The cheerleaders flew into outer space and summoned a mega-ultimate fighting robot called Santa Death Parade. That's right. A cheerleader squad with a giant laser-firing mechabeast at their disposal. It doesn't get much more badass than that. Shame they all had to explode somewhere high in the Earth's atmosphere. Altogether now "2-4-6-8! Who can we decapitate!?"

1. Elite Beat Agents | Elite Beat Agents

The Elite Beat Agents are the ultimate cheerleaders, without question. Synchronised in a way that only computer-generated people can be, they never miss a beat… unless you do, which (let's be honest) isn't their fault. A stickler could argue that these are five cheerleaders in a list of Top 7 cheerleaders, in which case, we'll pick… er… the middle one. Yup.

Above: Male cheerleaders are so hot right now

But don't feel short-changed that our number one spot goes to a group of male cheerleaders – firstly, we didn't specify sex, but secondly, there's a bonus mode! There is a secret 'diva' cheerleader mode – hidden away on the highest difficulty. It's not a mere reskin, though – they're fully voiced and the cut-scenes have been redrawn. So kick back and watch the sensational Jumpin' Jack Flash finale as you've (probably) never seen it before. We love EBA and this section still gives us chills… ROCK AND ROLL!

With the divas in and Commander Khan telling them what to do, it's all gone a bit Charlie's Angels. But even without the girls, this still would have been our number one. The Elite Beat Agents, whether in skirts or shirts, are the ultimate cheerleaders. Gimme an E! Gimme a B! Gimma an A!

Matt Cundy
Matt Cundy
I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.