Skip to main content

Buying these awful PlayStation avatars might be the biggest mistake of your life

"5 More Minutes Avatar"

"Oh man, my parents are always telling me to stop playing with my black bowtie, even when my eyes have gone bloodshot, my arms have turned to twigs, and my lower body ceases to exist! And I'm totally in the habit of using twelve-periods-long ellipses for emphasis. It's like they know me!"

Yep, it's real 

Read more: PlayStation Classic review: "A strange mix of joy and disappointment"

"Blow It Up - Avatar"

"I've always wanted to be placed on the FBI Watch List."

Yep, it's real 

"Devil Avatar"

"If you know me, then you know I'm a deep thinker. And this reflection on the thin line between good and evil is going to blow people's minds... no matter how badly drawn that silhouette is."

Yep, it's real 

"I Want You Avatar"

"I'm going to express myself the only way I know how: by using a purple-haired, demonic Uncle Sam."

Yep, it's real 

"Fun - Avatar"

"Haha! This'll get 'em GOOD! Although come to think of it, saying that they 'look really fun' implies that I want to hang out with them, not that they look goofy with their head tilted to one side. Oh well."

Yep, it's real 

"Gamers Avatar"

"I care not for unified, aesthetically pleasing font styles in my messaging! Also, I'm horribly afraid of what lies beyond death, and this belief is the one thing that keeps me going."

Yep, it's real 

"Arrow to the Knee Avatar"

"Man, I still crack up every time I think about that classic Skyrim line. Now I can share that merriment will all my online buddies, all the time! It'll be just like when I told them the cake was a lie."

Yep, it's real 

"Behind You Noob Avatar"

"I'm a serial killer, and this harrowing imagery excites me."

Yep, it's real 

"Amazing Avatars Bundle"

"Identifying as the stereotypical 'angry gamer' is the only thing that defines who I am as a person! Now I can convey that in four distinct, equally retch-worthy ways."

Yep, it's real 

"April Fools - Invisible Avatar"

"I just paid 99 cents for a white square. This is what my life has become."

Yep, it's real