The Top 7... worst jobs for game characters

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Nobody wants to dig bottomless pits, but some poor sap has to

Wanted: An actual plumber for the Mushroom Kingdom.

Job description: Removing pounds upon pounds of hazardous material from the kingdom's many oversized pipes. Their girth is not intended to be comical, but rather to allow large objects to safely pass through. Some of these objects happen to be human bodies that never reach their destination and fester with all the other waste flowing through the labyrinthine plumbing system. Must sign NDA pertaining to the contents of said pipes. Suppressed gag reflex preferred.

Send resumes to: Hm, it appears that Luigi has already accepted this position.

Suckage factor: High. Ever wonder what happened to Bowser's kids? We bet 100 gold coins that four or five of them are stuck in a pipe somewhere, rotting away and mixing with all the other refuse. And we don't want to think what comes out of Mario after eating all those fire flowers...

Job description: Working the same dead-end job for your entire life, doomed to a life of obscurity and petty wages. Must serve only one customer - this shopper must be mute, have spiky hair, or travel with a plucky entourage. No one else may buy from your store. Applicant will only be able to speak one, perhaps two lines of dialogue for the rest of his/her life. No chance for advancement, no opportunity for benefits. Must work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, forever.

Submit resumes to: Final Fantasy, Grandia, Chrono Cross, Dragon Quest... any JPRG ever, really.

Suckage factor: Fairly high. You're a dime a dozen and will never hear one kind word of thanks from hero and his world-saving buddes. You'll lead a comfortable life, though "life" is a strong word. We prefer "purgatory existence."

Wanted: Listless RPG civilian.

Job description: Working the same dead-end job for your entire life, doomed to a life of obscurity and petty wages. Must serve only one customer - this shopper must be mute, have spiky hair, or travel with a plucky entourage. No one else may buy from your store. Applicant will only be able to speak one, perhaps two lines of dialogue for the rest of his/her life. No chance for advancement, no opportunity for benefits. Must work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, forever.

Submit resumes to: Final Fantasy, Grandia, Chrono Cross, Dragon Quest... any JPRG ever, really.

Suckage factor: Fairly high. You're a dime a dozen and will never hear one kind word of thanks from hero and his world-saving buddes. You'll lead a comfortable life, though "life" is a strong word. We prefer "purgatory existence."

Brett Elston
Brett Elston

A fomer Executive Editor at GamesRadar, Brett also contributed content to many other Future gaming publications including Nintendo Power, PC Gamer and Official Xbox Magazine. Brett has worked at Capcom in several senior roles, is an experienced podcaster, and now works as a Senior Manager of Content Communications at PlayStation SIE.