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  1. Entertainment
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The 40 Most Inappropriate Movie Couples

Features
By Joshua Winning published 12 February 2010

80 people, creatures and aliens who should find someone else...

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Lars and Bianca

The Film: Lars And The Real Girl (2007)

The Inappropriate: Anti-social Lars Lindstrom lives alone in a converted garage. When he gets himself a girlfriend, his family is delighted. Until they discover she’s actually a sex doll purchased online.

How They Make It Work: As Lars begins to process the tragedies of his past, he comes to realise that he doesn’t need Bianca and can actually begin to have human interactions.

Bianca ‘dies’, and it’s implied that Lars will start seeing (the very human) Margo instead. Attaboy.

Anna and Sean

The Film: Birth (2004)

The Inappropriate: If your husband died, only for a 10-year-old to turn up a decade later professing to be the reincarnation of said hubbie, would you believe him?

No, you'd spank the rotter and send him packing.

But Anna can’t help but believe him, leading to all sorts of awkward/creepy moments with the youngling.

How They Make It Work: The lad is revealed to be a fraud. Thank God.

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Casper and Cat

The Film: Casper (1995)

The Inappropriate: “Can I keep you?” Odd male-possessive, female-submissive subtext aside, Casper’s crush on Cat is a bittersweet slice of afterlife tragedy.

Poor lad never got to have a girlfriend before he died. That said, he’s dead . Deal with it.

How They Make It Work: Cat and Casper share a kiss when the boy-ghost’s dead mother rewards his bravery and makes him mortal for a night. Beyond that, we can’t imagine them having much of a relationship.

The Phantom and Christine

The Film: The Phantom Of The Opera (2004)

The Inappropriate: The Phantom has been obsessing over Christine for nigh on a decade. That’s solid stalker material right there.

Taking it one step further, the disfigured genius kidnaps Christine when it looks like she might choose her lover Raoul over him.

How They Make It Work: Oh, you know. Your crush kidnaps you, burns down the opera house and creates a string of chaotic set pieces. You decide to give it a go, right? Wrong. In the end, Christine rightly chooses Raoul, leaving Phantom heartbroken.

Donkey and Dragon

The Films: Shrek (2001), Shrek 2 (2004)

The Inappropriate: Inter-species love. When Shrek and Donkey attempt to rescue Princess Fiona from a castle, they don’t count on it being guarded by a giant dragon. Lucky for them, the dragon’s got a soft spot for Donkey...

How They Make It Work:
God knows, and frankly we don’t want him to tell us. All we do know is that somehow, by some giant miracle, this couple manage to pro-create and give birth to a litter of hybrid Dongons.

Try not to think about it too much.

Damiel and Marion

The Films: Wings of Desire (1987), Faraway, So Close! (1993)

The Inappropriate: Angel Damiel betrays God and “falls from grace” when he becomes spellbound by the beauty of a mortal – trapeze artist Marion.

How They Make It Work: As luck would have it, when Damiel meets Marion as a newfound mortal, she falls in love with him and they get married. They even have a kid together. Ain't love grand?

Annie and Paul

The Film: Misery (1990)

The Inappropriate: They’re a couple in Annie’s head, at least.

Desperate for her favourite author to finish his next novel on her terms, Annie holds him hostage and will stop at nothing until she gets final approval.

How They Make It Work: “You hit me once, I hit you back, you gave a kick, I gave a slap...”

After being brutally abused by Annie, Paul takes one of her beloved pig statues and uses it as a weapon. Yeah, he offs her.

Sarah and Kyle

The Film: The Terminator (1984)

The Inappropriate: They say time’s a healer. It’s also a bandit, though, and here it’s mainly a fucking annoyance.

Kyle travels through time to protect Sarah from being killed by a Terminator, but the pair fall in love. Despite the fact that Kyle hasn’t actually been born yet. And by the time he is, Sarah will be in her fifties. Owww, brain pain.

How They Make It Work: Proving that a riff in the time-space continuum cannot exist, Reese winds up dead, blown up by one of his own bombs.

Paula and Elliot

The Film: The Goodbye Girl (1977)

The Inappropriate: Men and women. Cats and dogs. These two certainly fight more like the latter, constantly at each others’ throats (not setting a very good example for Paula's nipper).

Though it's not surprising considering Elliot moved himself into Paula’s apartment, which had been sublet without her knowledge.

How They Make It Work: Eventually, Paula and Elliot realise that the reason they’re fighting so much is that they love each other so much. Aaahhh. Truce!

Superman and Lois

The Films: Superman (1978) and Superman II (1980)

The Inappropriate: He’s an alien from outer space with unimaginable strength and power. She’s a struggling journalist, as mortal as can be.

Does Lois have daddy issues? Instead of plumming for a nice human mate, she wants the world’s protector for herself. Inappropriate!

How They Make It Work: It doesn’t work, really. While Superman is forced to reveal to Lois that he and Clark Kent are one and the same, he then uses his telepathic abilities to erase her memory. Poor gal.

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Joshua Winning
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Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.  

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