Skyrim's 10 biggest idiots

Skyrim is a heavily populated place. There are dragons everywhere. You'll run into stacks of wolves, mammoths, trolls and giants wheresoever you might roam. There are more traditionally-sized humanoids all over the place too. But you know which particular group has the densest population? Total bloody idiots. You can't walk more than few hundred metres without tripping over some fool so stupid that if he entered a Biggest Idiot In The World Contest, he'd turn up at the wrong venue and come last through lack of actual participation.

Yeah, you could put it all down to ropey old AI glitches, but I prefer to believe that Skyrim is a land full of simpletons that I need to save from itself, before all the citizens get themselves flambéed trying to "tickle the tummy of the big scaley wing-dog", or some such stupidity. Look at them. They still live in wooden houses. They haven't even got guns, or cars, or washing machines. Idiots. Anyway, here is a big collection of video evidence of their idiocy. Watch it. It's fun.

Level up your sneak rating by simply standing still. Let a wandering idiot do all the work for you:

Other game's AI has a cone of vision. Skyrim's has a Smarties tube:

This man is an idiot, but he has a serious merchant's instinct. Nothing will put him off making a sale:

Similarly, nothing gets in the way of industry. Not even the remnant's of yesterday's unfortunate accident at the mill. Poor Geoff. He'll be missed. But not much:

Someone is clearly not in the mood for talking. Well he is, but only briefly:

And it gets even stupider on the next page. Get ready for a couple of guys who can't see through water, and a body guard doing the exact opposite of his job.

David Houghton
Long-time GR+ writer Dave has been gaming with immense dedication ever since he failed dismally at some '80s arcade racer on a childhood day at the seaside (due to being too small to reach the controls without help). These days he's an enigmatic blend of beard-stroking narrative discussion and hard-hitting Psycho Crushers.