8 games that baffle you with their insane intros

Here's a silly intro for you

Welcome to the wonderful world of video game opening cutscenes. Theyre mostly used to excite and inform, but occasionally to baffle and bewilder. You know the sort. When you sit down to a new game, the intro movie plays and youre left thinking I have no clue what this game is about, or better yet what have I let myself in for?

D4

Ah, Swery. Your games are so wonderfully peculiar. It was the intro to Dark Dreams Dont Die that actually gave me the idea for this article. It has a theme that youll see repeated in several of my entries, and I hope youll find it as amusing as I do. The basic set-up of D4 is that you play as a private detective with the ability to travel through time, allowing you to investigate the death of your wife.

Jazzpunk

If you dont know what Jazzpunk is all about, just watch the title sequence. That should sort you out. This is a lie. Youll probably end up even more confused than when you started. And you might have a seizure. Obviously, if you do have a seizure, thats bad times for you, and I can only apologise for telling you to watch this otherwise amazing sequence.

Its colourful, bizarre, and has a great tune blasting over the top. Theres so much going on, but nothing happens. All you know is youre in for a good time when you actually get to play the game. Mad as this intro is, though, you never realise that the good time is going to involve squirting cheese into a rich mans gaping mouth, racing gravy boats, and traversing the insides of a human / crocodile hybrid. Im serious, you should play Jazzpunk.

DmC Devil May Cry

Remember the old random household objects placed in front of a guys junk trick from Austin Powers? The classic technique for making sure your content is suitable for all ages? Well, thats what you get in DmC. Were introduced to Dante, just waking up after a night of debauchery. Then, he opens the door stark naked to a mysterious beautiful lady. Oh Dante, youre so aloof and nonchalant.

Borderlands

Hey remember that one pretty cool Cage The Elephant song that appears on the Borderlands intro movie? Whatever happened to them? Anyway, much like D4, Borderlands has that slightly overblown freeze-frame subtitle for each character as they get introduced. Like D4. Two examples of this in the same feature? Much like the ambassador in the Ferrero Rocher adverts, Im really spoiling you. Although, to be honest, youd think an ambassador would be able to afford something a bit nicer than Ferrero Rocher for his reception. I bet thats sparkling wine, rather than Champagne, too.

Far Cry 3

More freeze-frame name captions just sayin. Ferrero Rocher, yeah? Usually opening cinematics are used to introduce the characters and attach you to them in some way. In Far Cry 3, youre already pissed off with them before the game even starts. You mean I have to play as this whiny, drunk, gap-yah kid?

Dead Island

So theres an absolutely wasted guy, partying on a beautiful island when suddenly people start turning into zombies and feasting on holidayer flesh. Apparently hes so drunk that he just completely ignores this and goes to crash on his bed. Thats silly enough, but theres one particular part of the intro that I have a problem with.

Battleblock Theater

In the intro to Battleblock Theater, were introduced to one of the main characters whose name is Hatty Hattington. I think thats all I need to say really, but I imagine my editor will be angry with me, so Ill continue. You are correct, please continue, Editor. Also, please tell me more about the Ferrero Rocher.

The story in the game is told in a wonderfully cute stick puppet style, adding to the air of whimsy created by the intro. There are hundreds of friends aboard the S.S. Friendship (get it?), but it becomes shipwrecked in a massive storm (the size of the storm is really pushed in the intro, youll see), and the friends become imprisoned on an island ruled by cats. Oh, this company made Castle Crashers? That makes a bit more sense now.

Skate 2

You know when youre watching an ad on TV, and the whole time youre thinking what the hell is this advertising? And why do I feel like eating some kind of crispy, chocolate ball? It always turns out to be some perfume or a car or something. If you showed someone the intro movie to Skate 2, theyd get exactly the same feeling. In fact, theyd probably think you were showing them some awkward prison drama show.

I didnt say anything about a silly outro

So there you have it, those are my eight picks for the silliest intros in gaming. Ive obviously missed some, and you might not even agree with me, so tell me which games you think deserve to make it on the list in the comments. Im sure you dont need me to introduce you.