Good enough to eat
Many of our gaming heroes just dont seem to have time to put fork to mouth these days, what with all that saving the world and striding around dungeons looking for shiny stuff. Edward Kenway only manages a swig of rum every so often--I recommend some Gaviscon, matey--and when was the last time we heard Batmans stomach rumble?
Despite the lack of a working digestive system in many of our (clearly starving) protagonists, theres still plenty of eating to be had in games if you know where to look. Heres a list of a few of the delectable edibles on offer in the gaming world.
Meatballs (Don't Starve)
Dont Starve lets you experience the joys of a trip to IKEA without a BILLY bookcase--or, yknow, horsemeat--in sight! After crafting the Crock Pot (a lifesaving combo of cut stone, charcoal and twigs), chances are Meatballs will be first proper meal youll get to scoff in between endless quests for firewood and manure. A satisfying combo of cooked morsels (only one Monster Meat, mind) and whatever non twig shaped filler you can get your hands on, these might not be the most nutritious in terms of health and sanity but as a first meal out in the wilderness its a tiny carnivorous reminder that things might just be ok out here. Wait, did you hear that? SHOW YOURSELF!!
Tasty enough to eat? Surely you cant go wrong with some juicy rabbit morsels but the fact that Fairy liquid isnt a craftable item means youll probably want to skip the E.Coli.
Pork Buns (Sleeping Dogs)
Why dont you have a pork bun in your hand? Ive heard it said that a man who never eats pork buns is never a whole man! Now with his very own Facebook Page the Pork Bun Guy means that Wei Shens trip around Hong Kong is never without wise, pork-based philosophies or delicious snacks. Other Far Eastern cuisine on offer for tasty health regeneration includes fish dumpling skewers, roast duck, chicken on a stick, spicy squid and, of course, noodle bowls. Follow that lot up with a herbal tea and crime fighting becomes rather difficult as you slip into a happy carb coma. Sleeping Dogs loves its food so much that theres a Trophy just waiting to ping once youve eaten everything on the citys menu.
Tasty enough to eat? Most certainly. Lets turn the Foodie Trophy into a real life achievement.
Heart Stopper Burger (GTA 4)
It all gets a bit Man Vs. Food at Liberty Citys Burger Shot with the 6lb burger. Complete with the necessary disclaimer of This burger may kill you. We cant be held responsible this beefy behemoth has a total of what looks like 8 burger patties, at least 4 layers of cheese and all the usual trimmings that will surely amount to at least one of your five a day. Sadly Niko cant purchase the Heart Stopper Burger; he can only admire its monstrous meatiness from a distance as he orders the slightly more manageable Bleeder burger. Reassuringly, in real life we can head to the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas and actually order a Double Bypass Burger. Is it just me or does this mean satire is broken?
Tasty enough to eat? Ashamedly, yes, this does look rather delicious but thats going to be a hell of a bout of heartburn.
Dunwall seafood (Dishonored)
Just what you need after a long days stealthing: blubber. While this feature is meant to be the tastiest, the most disgusting entry has to go to Corvos love of tins of oily whale meat and the joyously sloppy sounding Pratchetts Jellied Eels. Once the staple of many a poor Victorian Londoner, jellied eels are boiled in a spiced stock before being left to cool and then solidify into a dish (much like Corvos revenge on the Overseer) best served cold. If this doesnt have you retching happily at your desk, when hes not chowing down on rats on skewers mmm, plague on a stick Corvo forces down a selection of other vile sounding edibles; bluejawed Hagfish eggs, Brined Hagfish and something called a Serkonan Blood Sausage are also on the menu. The latter sounds suspiciously Scottish to me.
Tasty enough to eat? Apparently high in all your essential fats as well as vitamins and calcium, oily fish is a thumbs up for health benefits but anything from Dunwall is off the cards if youre hoping to make it through the night without a bout of gastroenteritis.
Virility (DMC Devil May Cry)
Want to be smarter, fitter and sexier? Well the drink of choice in the demon-ruled Limbo City is a radioactive green energy drink that happily turns humans into fat docile slaves. Dantes journey into the factory to discover that Virilitys secret(ion) ingredient is the oozing green by-product of an enormous vomiting Succubus is a lesson in energy drink marketing that we can all take home. Helpfully, after slaughtering the 1200 year old Poison--a name a monster can really live with--Dante gains his magical Hellboy-style Eryx gauntlets. So its not all bad. We should all just keep a close eye on Red Bulls marketing campaigns and hope they dont add claws and horns to those wings.
Tasty enough to eat? After grinding up the remains of a retching Succubus in the depths of the Virility factory, Im going to say no.
Well this was a given. Previously just an incentive to make it to your next birthday, Portal made cake the ultimate tasty carrot to journey through test chambers for a psychotic AI. Apparently inspired by the Black Forest cake sold in a bakery near Valves HQ, GLaDOS baked offering is now available to buy as an official product. Cherry and chocolate combine for the ultimate sweet treat to make all those orange and blue brain gymnastics worthwhile. Dont tell me Im the only one considering replaying just to earn actual cake at the end? How does it go again? This was a triumph
Tasty enough to eat? Wait, what if theres nothing inside the box?
Pineapple Surprise (BioShock)
Truth be told, this is actually just a pineapple. The surprise is where you found it. Going by the number of the spiky fruits available in Columbia in bins, atop benches and, um, on guards, this is a floating city that clearly loves its Pina Coladas, French Martinis and gammon steaks. Comstocks gravity defying city has plenty of other foods to sample if you dont mind raking around in bins. Cotton candy, hot dogs, candy bars and peanuts are everywhere and if youre looking for something a little stronger to wash down those endless pineapples, beer, bourbon and gin are amongst the alcoholic beverages on offer. Just mind the blurred vision.
Tasty enough to eat? This depends entirely where it was found and how green you really are when it comes to recycling food.
Mooshroom Stew (Minecraft)
Ever milked a Mooshroom by the pale Moonlight? No? Well, dont worry because you can craft yourself a bowl of delicious Minecraft Mushroom Stew without ever having to find one of those Last Of Us Infected-alike bovines. Crafting a bowl with one red and one brown mushroom will instantly deliver a fresh Mushroom stew which will pop a solid three drumsticks of food into your hunger bar when consumed. As you can see Gourmet Gaming have even gone and turned this into an actual meal so if you fancy getting your fungi on, you can try it out.
Tasty enough to eat? Looks delicious and Gourmet Gaming even suggest popping some truffle oil in there too. Classy.
Image credit: www.gormetgaming.co.uk
This is only a few of the dozens of tasty pixelated meals out there. Whats your favourite and if you could create one real dish from gamings edible offerings, what would it be? Let us know in the comments below.