Better hope no one sees you
Hideo Kojima is many things: ingenious game developer, enigmatic personality, avid film buff. The Metal Gear Solid series is often thought to be an extension of the man's unique vision - and if that's the case, you may also want to add 'mischievous pervert' to the list of labels. Easter Eggs, particularly those of a decidedly naughty nature, are practically a tertiary trademark of the series, right behind excellent stealth action and ludicrously convoluted plotlines.
Given all the dirty secrets strewn throughout the series, it's a wonder how Kojima and his team weren't being marched into the HR department on a regular basis. To show you what we mean, we've gathered some of the most incredibly not-safe-for-work moments from throughout Snake's many missions. Whether you're viewing these lewd bits in this article or in-game, just pray that nobody suddenly walks in on you, or there will definitely be a loud chime and a red exclamation mark over somebody's head.
Eva's explicit dreams (Metal Gear Solid 3)
There's a part near the end of MGS3 where you have to lead Eva through a dense jungle toward freedom, but if you hit her with a tranquilizer dart, she'll fall asleep and have some rather vivid dreams, starring her and one Naked Snake. Bonus NSFW: During this gameplay sequence, you can pop into the Cure menu and take a glance at Eva's medical history. One of the items on the list is a breast augmentation, which you'll probably notice if you rotate her X-ray model around.
Taking modeling photos of the Beauty and the Beast unit (Metal Gear Solid 4)
Each of the members in the Beauty and the Beast unit is both glamorous and terrifying. After destroying their mechanical form, they shed their armor to reveal a gorgeous runway model clad in a skin-tight latex suit who hunts you down like a demon from a Japanese horror flick. But if you don't neutralize the boss within a few minutes, you're both transported to an all-white room for three minutes, and it's here that the Beauty will actually pose for photos if you equip your camera. It's bizarrely exploitative, even for Metal Gear - especially when Drebin recounts their sordid backstory for you after you take them out.
All of Quiet's shower scenes (Metal Gear Solid 5)
Quiet's manner of dress certainly leaves little to the imagination, and The Phantom Pain at least tries to justify the reason why wearing a handkerchief and ripped fishnet stockings in the Afghan desert is a proper outfit for a sniper. When you recruit Quiet and visit her in her cell, you'll find her lounging around, most likely with her top undone as she sunbathes on her cot. Sometimes, she'll shower, just kind of standing there and rubbing herself as the water falls from the spigot, then kneeling down and slowly splashing around in the puddles. Again, there's a reason for it, but, uh, yeah.
So many girlie mags (Metal Gear Solid 2)
The soldiers of the Metal Gear Solid universe are easily distracted - whether it's a noise they hear in the distance, or a box lying on the ground, they'll probably break from their patrol and take a look. That goes double for the, erm, "gentleman's" magazines you can leave lying around on the ground. Plop one on the ground with its centerfold visible, and once the enemy's got it in its sights, you've got a good few minutes of uninterrupted sneaking.
Hiding in a locker to get freaky with a pin-up poster (Metal Gear Solid 2)
Whether you're a high-school student or a hardened terrorist occupying Big Shell, it can be nice to cover up the cold, dreary metal of a locker's interior with an image of someone you find attractive. Snake will sometimes stumble on posters of bikini girls when hiding out in MGS2's lockers, and switching to the first-person perspective ensures that it's all up in your face. If you continuously zoom in and out, you'll hear the gooshy squelch of a 'kiss', the controller will start to gently vibrate, and Otacon will scold you on the codec with a good bit of shaming. The embarrassed, mouth-agape look on Snake's face says it all.
Trying to slice away the censor bars (Metal Gear Rising)
In keeping with series tradition, the sword-combat-centric spin-off Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance has images of voluptuous women plastered in the most random places. Now, one of the main hooks in Revengeance is Blade Mode, which lets you rapidly slash Raiden's sword at any angle you choose. And these pin-up posters just happen to be covered in yellow "KEEP OUT" tape, arranged just so to make it look like the women are naked underneath; slicing it away reveals that these models are in fact wearing bikinis. And in one instance, trying to cut the clothes off a cardboard cutout instantly replaces it with another cutout of the same woman, now dressed in leather. The hell?
Making Rose's boobs jiggle with the controller (Metal Gear Solid 4)
In Metal Gear Solid 4, Rosemary is assigned by Campbell to be Snake's go-to psychological counselor and can be called for advice at any time by codec. What Rose doesn't know is that someone seems to have upgraded her bra with player-controlled hoopty hydraulics. Using the DualShock 3's motion-sensing gyroscopes, you can make her breasts look like they want to jump right off her chest.
Naomi's ridiculously unbuttoned blouse (Metal Gear Solid 4)
Seriously, what is up with her shirt? Are there buttons missing?
Mei Ling photo mode (Metal Gear Solid: VR Missions)
The individual levels in VR Missions are mostly benign - sneak through here, defeat these Godzilla-sized soldiers, what have you - but eventually you can unlock a Photography mode, which lets you voyeuristically take pictures of 3D models of Snake's assistant, Mei Ling. Complete more missions and you can inch ever closer in the virtual space, so you can take better photos. Yay?