GamesMaster's guide to video game acronyms

Stands for: Defense Of The Ancients

What is it? A real-time strategy game of the MOBA genre (see MOBA) and one-time mod of Blizzards Warcraft 3. There are so many playable characters that it requires rigorous preparation to even understand, let alone play. Im going to go and play some DOTA. Nurse, cancel my three oclock. And my five oclock. In fact, cancel March.

Stands for: Non-player character

What is it? Any cast member in a game who is controlled by AI. So, basically everybody in every video game ever. Let's put it another way: it's someone youll probably try to have sex with in a BioWare game. This Christmas we should all wish for NPCs on Earth.

Stands for: For the win

What is it? An expression indicating favour towards something. It's used to signal a preference of tactics, equipment, combat class, or fizzy pop. Fun fact: also WTF backwards. Gamer A: Dude, should I have strawberry jam or marmite on my toast? I just cant decide. Gamer B: Marmite FTW.

Stands for: PlayStation Network

What is it? Sonys online gaming platform. It's what you curse at least once a week for being unavailable due to maintenance, and is a hackers paradise. Dude, watch me take down the PSN its easier than getting a platinum on Terminator: Salvation!

Stands for: Hit points

What is it? The arbitrary number that is assigned to your in-game life force. When this runs out, youre dead. If it existed in real-life it would be replenished by coffee with a heal-over-time effect. Damn, Sephiroth didnt even touch her HP bar and shes a goner. If only this was a normal battle event!

Stands for: Player Versus Player / Player Versus Environment

What is it? When we fight against each other or side-by-side against the game. It's the area of MMOs where youre allowed to beat down on other players/a safe haven of teamwork and camaraderie. Whatever happens in PvP, stays in PvP. Unless it happens in PvE. Then its there, too. Probably.

Stands for: Kill:Death Ratio

What is it? The number of kills you wrack up divided by the number of deaths youve suffered. It's basically a completely arbitrary number which you have no good reason to get angry or defensive over, but will anyway. Having said that, it's often impressive enough to put on your CV. You know what they say about guys with big shoes? Tiny K:D ratios.

Stands for: Quick Time Event

What is it? An indirect control method commonly used in third-person action games. It's often decried by haughty types who believe in the sanctity of a controllers input/output relationship. Worshipped by Sony Santa Monica. Watch, kiddies, as Kratos uses a QTE to graphically remove the head of yet another Greek god. Right: nap time!

Stands for: Multiplayer Online Battle Arena

What is it? A typically top-down strategy game wherein teams of players must battle against each other to conquer objectives via unit management. It's the genre that every big publisher is looking at with dollar signs in their eyes. Guys, guys, guys. We all love a good MOBA so lets leave the mums out of this.

Stands for: Oh crap Im out of ammo and a lab-created malevolent monstrosity is chewing on my leg!

What is it? A refrain heard several times during every Resident Evil game. And it's what youll scream as the men in white coats wheel you into the back of a van. OCIOOAAALCMMICOML!!! MOTHER!!!