Gaming's most malicious machines

343 Guilty Spark (Halo)

Proof that terrible things come in small packages, Guilty Spark is probably the most adorable murderer on this list. Don’t get sucked in by his small frame, chipper voice and unassuming demeanor, though: like every good metallic sociopath, Guilty Spark longs only for the eradication of all sentient life.

Built by the Forerunners, an ancient race of enlightened beings, Guilty Spark was tasked with the caretaking of Installation 04, the giant ring world from the first Halo. Though originally the Halos were designed to prevent the outbreak and spread of the parasitic Flood, after about 100,000 years of isolation, Guilty kind of lost his shit and decided living things in general were a bad idea. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that pesky Master Chief.

Mecha-Hitler (Wolfenstein 3D)

As we mentioned, psychotic humans are bad, psychotic machines are worse. But perhaps the most terrifying possibility of all is the combination of good old fashioned human ingenuity with the capabilities of modern technology. Witness Mecha-Hitler, the world’s most evil synergy of man with the machines he creates.

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By themselves, both parts of this equation are terrifying. On one side of the + sign, you’ve got history’s most notorious and evil dictator, responsible for the deaths of millions of people. On the other side? A giant, heavily armored cyborg with not one but FOUR ultra-lethal chain guns. It is only because this technology wasn’t available in the 1940s that we’re not currently writing his article in the United States of Nazi Germany.

Sektor, Smoke, and Cyrax (Mortal Kombat)

Though the Mortal Kombat fiction is about as straightforward as advanced particle physics, there’s one thing that’s for certain: no one does killer cyborgs quite like MK. The result of a clan of ninjas deciding to upgrade their personnel with some hot new cybernetic technology, Sektor, Smoke and Cyrax are three of gaming’s most advanced killing machines. Combining the martial arts skills of ninja with a bevy of military grade weaponry, this trio has an almost unlimited number of ways to put the hurt on the good heroes of Earthrealm. Despite some latent morality issues originating in their meaty parts, the MK cyborgs never hesitated when it came to gibbing opponents with quad missiles or chest-deployed car compactors, and for that they’ve earned our undying respect. Or, you know, dying respect, whenever they decide to train those quad launchers on us.

Apr 7, 2011

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Evil doesn't HAVE to be serious business

Because just being evil isn't evil enough