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Gaming's most ludicrous storylines

FULL AUTO 2 | PlayStation Portable
Ostensibly a straightforward race-'n'-blast action game, on PSP Full Auto 2's gameplay hides a ludicrously odd plot.

The short version
After a succession of severe natural disasters, the world's greatest scientists create SAGE, a sentient supercomputer capable of predicting the weather. However, in the greatest tradition of artificial intelligence, SAGE becomes so clever it decides humans are a risk, and sets about planning to off the human race from its satellite base.

In order to conquer the AI threat, a gang of petrolheads form a rebellion. They cleverly stage a series of Velocity Death Battles to identify the worthy hero who will take control of the (now presumably much diminished) gang, the chaos of the event causing so much unpredictable action that SAGE is confused. Which would go some way to explaining why the so-called super intelligent computer then opts to beam down and take on the hero in once last, ill-fated car-based battle.

The short version, shortened
Man invents machine. Machine threatens man. Man drives really fast and shoots stuff. Machine expires.

SCALER | Xbox, GameCube, PlayStation 2
Platformers are effectively required to have a rather out-there premise, but while Mario's madness is entertaingly fun, Scaler's is just silly.

The short version
'Wise-cracking' Bobby Jenkins makes a shocking find when he discovers that his weirdly-named neighbour, Looger, is plotting to take over the world. Looger is in fact a mutant lizard from another dimension, and is building an army of fellow lizards to attack Earth.

But Bobby is captured and blasted with a bolt of energy that, far from obliterating him and preventing Looger's plan being threatened, instead amazingly transforms Bobby into Scaler, a vividly coloured, shape-shifting lizard with razor sharp claws and a prehensile tongue. Bobby/Scaler flees through a multidimensional portal into the lizard world, and must use his new abilities to battle Looger and save the multiverse from being "trashed".

The short version, shortened
Boy discovers neighbour is a lizard andis turned into a newt. He gets better. Though he might have liked to keep the prehensile tounge...