Incredible things are happening in Oblivion Remastered's Mage's Guild, where one player has spent 6,000 gold on the spider-summoning 'Alone Time with Mommy' spell

Oblivion Remastered players are starting to push the RPG's spell creation system to its limits, currently culminating in an incantation that locks the player in for some intimate time with a massive spider-lady.

Over on Twitter, the aptly-named RPG Enjoyer shared a spell they'd knocked together over at the Mage's Guild, which lets players stitch magical effects together, often with comical results. In many instances, those are cocktails of buffs that grant game-breaking quantities of Speed or Acrobatics, or help them boost unfortunate NPCs' chances of survival. Not this time, however.

RPG Enjoyer's spell, which they spent more than 6,000 gold to create, is a strange mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly. The good news is that it grants a total of two minutes of resistance to poison. The bad news is that it also paralyzes the player for a full two minutes.

So what's the ugly news, you ask? Well, the spell also summons a Spider Daedra - a terrifying, towering combination of woman and spider - on the player's location. You might ask why, but I think that question is answered by the spell's custom name: Alone Time with Mommy.

It's a deeply...imaginative use of Oblivion's spell system. To recap, you're dropping a spider-monster on your own head, buffing yourself so you're immune to its poison damage, but also paralyzing yourself so that you're totally unable to adjust to its eight-legged advances. Just to ensure that you're not missing the point, RPG Enjoyer responded to one suggestion that they should have added a Fatigue buff into their spell with the rebuttal that "I want to be wrung out like a dishcloth" once it's all over.

One thing I don't know is just how much magicka this spell uses. Three different effects for two full minutes seems like it would require a massive reserve of magical energy, which makes the entire thing even funnier - there's a decent chance that to even cast the spell in the first place, you'd have to take a little blue potion in order to have enough magical stamina to perform the spell in the first place.

I've spent 20 hours playing Oblivion Remastered as an evil tourist, and may have accidentally found the best way to play Bethesda's liveliest RPG.