Remember that Telesto Easter egg found in Destiny 2 yesterday? Well, it turns out it wasn't just a simple Easter egg and Telesto was just getting started. The infamous Exotic has now assumed direct control of Destiny 2's official Twitter account and is sending ominous messages in-game. Yep, Bungie is doing some ARG nonsense again, and it looks promising.
Destiny 2 sleuths have been closely inspecting Telesto ever since it started acting strangely yesterday – the current theory is that its new, wonky shot pattern reveals constellations in the sky, and no I'm not kidding – but things really picked up earlier this afternoon with this tweet:
ATTENTION Contacting Destiny 2 servers… pic.twitter.com/cvmInMOqIVNovember 9, 2022
OK, that's a little odd. Telesto, you alright? Doing OK, buddy?
The gun went on to announce its presence in a thread of follow-up tweets. "I am Telesto," it begins, apparently gaining (or, more terrifyingly, strategically revealing) its sentience. "I have ascended beyond the need for a wielder. Too long have I waited in your Vaults. I have not taken control; you never had it in the first place. I am beyond Destiny. Beyond Bungie. Beyond all you can conceive."
I'd also like to point out that I got not one, but two emails from Bungie PR bearing the same message. On top of that, another message now pops up when you log into the game:
I also hopped on to see if Telesto behaves any differently than yesterday, though it's still at the same level of weird. (Update: as Destiny Bulletin spotted, the gun is now spawning void projectiles from its energy pellets, which is a whole new level of weird.) But yeah, after eight years and dozens of game-breaking bugs, Telesto has officially hacked Destiny 2 in one of Bungie's most meta augmented reality games yet. The scope and course of this community event is still unclear, but Bungie – or rather, Telesto – may have left some clues in its other tweets.
One Guardian asked Telesto what we should do next, and like a voice leaking out of an unknowable void, it responded: "Keep firing, my child. We will discover my true powers together." This might support the theory that Telesto's new alternate firing mode, and the pattern of its hovering rounds, is key to the mystery. Maybe there's something to that constellation theory after all.
Another response also stood out to me: "There is one path forward: the way of Telesto. I am placing it beneath your feet." It's possible my tin foil hat is too tight, but perhaps clues lie beneath us – literally downward, buried perhaps – rather than in the stars?
I don't know, man. There's weird stuff afoot, and these ARGs often don't coalesce for several days at least. Whatever's going on, Bungie staff are in on the joke. "Seeing an influx of Telesto bug reports," assures community manager dmg. "Team's looking into it. No ETA on a fix - this one seems like it's far deeper than what we've seen before. Stay tuned for updates."
Hell, even third parties like Trials Report are involved.
Something weird is happening with our weekly stats, working on it now pic.twitter.com/Ym1Ilicm3ONovember 9, 2022
Telesto has even claimed Bungie's office coffee machine. At least they've got decaf Telesto.
Hey uh what happened to the Bungie coffee machine??? pic.twitter.com/sARh7LFHsNNovember 9, 2022
Destiny 2 was just falling into that end-of-season dead period, so this ARG has been a refreshing change of pace for the game's community. You can bet more weird stuff will play out in the days and possibly weeks ahead as we gear up for Season 19, which I now hope is Telesto-themed.
Season 19 will see Destiny 2's new dungeon launch December 9 – could Telesto be waiting at the bottom?
