Offender - Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II
Crime - Looking like a trashy "Lusty Lass" romance novel
Not sure if you young'uns know about Fabio. He's an awfully handsome model and spokesman for anyone with $20 and a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. He also adorned the cover of NES classic Ironsword, armed with the same sword Ahnuld used in the Conan movies. Conan the shirtless barbarian. Fabio's supposed to represent Kuros, the star of all three W&W games, who is in fact a fully armored knight that uses a lance.
Once again someone in marketing called the shots and ignored what was actually going on inside the game. Kuros is a knight, Fabio's a gold-stomached battlemaster with naught but his skin and a felled beast hide to assuage the harsh elements from his untainted soul. Too bad they couldn't keep birds from smacking into his face at 75 miles per hour.
Offender - Godzilla
Crime - Messing up Godzilla in every way
1. Godzilla shoots blue radioactive breath, not yellow rays
2. Godzilla does not have big pointy ears
3 Godzilla is King of the Monsters, not Monster of Monsters
4. Godzilla never fought puny UFOs while outer space was on fire
We'd go on but we already beat up poor G in an earlier article.
Offender - Mega Man
Crime - Inspiring every 'worst box art' story ever
Yes, we get it internet, this is terrible box art. Now stop pointing it out... oh fine we'll do it one last time but then promise we can move on to Mega Man 4.
Anyone can see how far off the mark it is. But the reason it's so bad fits nicely into our topic - that bow-legged bastard is not Mega Man. He's carrying a gun, his helmet is crooked and he's draped in futuristic football gear. Meanwhile, the real deal goes like this:
Beautiful. Simply breathtaking, that. And it bears no resemblance whatsoever to the abomination above. All the NES Mega Man covers were bad, but this one beats 'em all. Now let's never mention it again.
Need more box art mockery in your life? Hit up our Worst of 2007 list.
May 22, 2008
