Dream SFX headlines that we're just waiting for the excuse to run at some point:
SIR-VIVORS
Ben Kingsley, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart and Christopher Lee to star in a post apocalyptic TV show
FANTASTIC MR FOX
Jack saves the day in Lost
PAIR OF DOCS
BBC announces a show about a pair of boots that can predict the future
BALE OUT
Christian Bale is sacked as Batman
TORCHWOAD (left)
A team of sexed-up Celts investigate mysterious events in the Iron Age
PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley release an exercise video
UF007
Bond to fight little green men
MARSTERS OF THE UNIVERSE
Ex-Buffy actors to star as He-Man
SMALLSVILLE
Tom Welling finally gets to wear his pants outside his trousers
TENNANT'S EXTRA
Former Doctor Who to play a pub landlord
SHIA GENIUS
Transformers star signs up to play a guy with artificially enhanced intelligence
SUMMER OF 69
Firefly actress becomes porn star
THE MAN FROM U.C.N.E.L.
JJ Abrams launches a new show about a dyslexic spy
SPACE £19.99
Gerry Anderson series to be remade by a low budget indie film company
THE BIONICLE WOMAN
Lego to release a version of the hit ’70s TV show
VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE C
Sesame Street-inspired letter-based adventuring antics
XEROX: WARRIOR PRINCESS
Blatant East European carbon copy of the hit US show
BABY LON FIVE
When Lon Chaney is cloned four times, chaos ensues…
THE RETURN OF THE KONG
Peter Jackson announces a sequel to his giant ape flop
DEFILING GRAVITY
Star in a four-letter rant about the cancellation of his show
MEADIYUM
Patricia Arquette reveals a love of honey based alcohol
LOGAN'S FUN RUN
Hugh Jackman to take part in London Marathon
BATTLEFIELD PERTH
Evil aliens invade Australia
IRON BRU MAN
Rab C. Nesbitt returns to fight crime
STARGATE ATLANTISN’T
The new spin-off not set in Atlantis
MINORITY RAPPORT
David Cameron heads out to make a black best friend
BEING HUMOURED
BBC to launch series about a trio of unstable nutcases who think they’re a vampire, a ghost and a werewolf
THE VAMPIRE DAIRIES
Show accused of milking the teen-vampire-romance genre (oh, hang on… )
Thanks to Richard Edwards, Nick Setchfield, Richard Cobbett and Happy Hangman for suggestions and inspiration
