The Dark Knight (2008)
The Prosthetic: The Joker’s scarred mouth
The Awesome: A far more grisly proposition than Jack Nicholson’s cartoon grin, the Joker’s uneven scars hint at an undisclosed episode of horrifically amateurish butchery. The brief scene where the makeup comes off arguably shows them in an even more shocking light.
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: We’ve always harboured ambitions to go into children’s entertainment, so…
Boogie Nights (1997)
The Prosthetic: Marky-Mark’s outsized package
The Awesome: The whole premise of the film revolves around the fact that Mark Wahlberg’s Hollywood wannabe is blessed with a prodigious member, so fair play to the filmmakers for actually sticking it up there on screen. It actually looks a little latex-heavy, but hey, who doesn’t find that attractive, right ladies?
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: Hmmm, what would we do with it? What to do, what to do…well, put it this way, we’d do a lot more strutting at the gym.
Evil Dead 2 (1987)
The Prosthetic: Ash’s wrist-mounted chainsaw
The Awesome: It scores extra awesome-points for the tooling-up montage that precedes its introduction, but even on its own merits, Ash’s heavy-duty replacement for his treacherous hand is definitely the coolest on the list. The steampunk metal fist he gets in Army Of Darkness runs it close, but when it comes to hacking up legions of the undead, you really cant do better than a chainsaw. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart…
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: Felling trees, sawing-off shotguns, generally looking groovy…the possibilities are endless!
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
The Prosthetic: Er, Edward’s Scissorhands. D’uh.
The Awesome: They might seem a bit unwieldy, but Edward is such a gentle soul that his clutch of rusty blades end up looking rather graceful, particularly when they’re being used to do a spot of ice-sculpting. Plus, if push came to shove, you know they could do some serious damage…
H ow We’d Use It In Everyday Life: You can never find a pair of scissors when you need them, but that wouldn’t be a problem if you had them grafted to your wrists! We’d be cutting out coupons and chopping through vacuum-sealed plastic to our hearts’ content.
From Dusk Til Dawn (1996)
The Prosthetic: The groin-based machine gun attached to the charmingly named Sex Machine.
The Awesome: The man has a machine gun where his “equipment” should be. Now we’re not saying we’d be happy to lose our bits and pieces, but having a pop-up firearm down our trousers would go some way towards softening the blow. Not sure how he goes to the toilet, mind…unless its just a codpiece. Let’s hope so, eh?
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: We’d pretty much do what Sex Machine does: loiter round seedy bars waiting for trouble to kick off. It was probably an expensive device to get fitted…you’d want to get your money’s worth!
The Prosthetic: The Captain’s hook
The Awesome: Not many films are named after a prosthetic, but then, not many films can claim to be so catchily titled. The attachment of choice for the discerning sea-dog, a hook might not seem the most practical of prosthetics (what can you actually do with a hook?) but it’s certainly iconic.
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: You’re more likely to find a pirate carrying a Kalashnikov than a hook these days, so we’d settle for the obvious second choice of becoming a wacky fundamentalist loon instead.
The Prosthetic: Mr. Igoe’s hand
The Awesome: Not happy with just one replacement for his missing hand, Mr. Igoe has a whole range of substitute mits to pick and choose from when the mood takes him. The one that shoots bullets from the finger is our personal fave, but with a flamethrower and even a vibrator in his arsenal, Igoe truly has a hand for every occasion…
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: We’d use the bullets to fight crime, the flames to keep warm and the vibrator to…no, probably best to leave that one.
The Godfather (1972)
The Prosthetic: Marlon Brando’s cheeks
The Awesome: Brando’s towering performance as Vito Corleone wouldn’t be quite so memorable were it not for the custom-made dental prosthetic he wore throughout filming. A pair of little balls designed to give the character his distinctive cheeks, the prosthetic allowed Brando to undergo a total vocal transformation to produce Don Vito’s distinctive mumble.
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: What, aside from doing endless note-perfect Brando impressions you mean? What else would you want?
Harry Potter (2005-2011)
The Prosthetic: Alastor Moody’s “Mad Eye”
The Awesome: Having lost his original peeper in combat, Mad Eye’s replacement is a definite upgrade, a magical orb that allows him to see through practically anything, from solid walls to the back of his head. He’s also got a prosthetic leg, but that’s not quite so impressive. It’s made of plain old wood you see.
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: Oh, we’re sure we’d find some uses, although none of them would involve ladies’ changing rooms. None of them…
Hot Shots! (1991)
The Prosthetic: Tug’s asbestos skin, aluminium facial bones, magnetic skull etc.
The Awesome: Tug might be somewhat luckless on the battlefield, but on the flipside, he now has asbestos skin! Plus, his aluminium-based facial reconstruction means he can maintain a chiselled jaw-line whilst drinking all the booze he likes. Jowls don’t really come into play when your face is made of metal.
How We’d Use It In Everyday Life: Magnetic skull? We’ll never lose our car-keys again!