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John McClane
Anton Chigurh
Why You Can't Kill Him: Hitman Chigurh is an unstoppable force of nature. Meticulous, brutal and scarier than Jackie Stallone without make-up, he won’t stop until the job’s done. He’s a human version of the Terminator, completely unstoppable and coldly detached from his work.
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? Having managed to complete his work, Chigurh gets into a car smash-up – and survives.
Achilles Heel: Does this guy have one? We’re not sure we can spot it… We're pretty sure the only thing that'll kill him is the end of the world. And even then, he'll probably end up floating around space, popping cattle bolts into massive grey alien foreheads.
Jesus
Why You Can't Kill Him: It comes with the territory, this being the son of God and all. Sure he’s bound in malleable human flesh, but Jesus has the gift of eternal life thanks to that chap upstairs.
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? Crucifixion, not just for kicks.
Achilles Heel: He loves the people. Find some people who hate him, and let the fireworks fly.
The Terminator
Why You Can't Kill Them: Well, they’re unstoppable killing machines (literally) for a start. Alright, so you can take them down individually after A LOT of effort, but that doesn’t mean another won’t spring back in its place, with a grinning skull to mock you.
If This Won't Kill Them, What Will? Shotguns to the face, explosions, a heck of a hiding, the Terminator can withstand just about anything.
Achilles Heel: At the end of the day, it’s still a machine. Get the upper hand for a minute, and you could rewire that bad boy to be your handy kitchen helper.
Freddy Krueger
Why You Can't Kill Him: He’s already dead! Big problem. Krueger haunts dreams, see, so he’s as intangible as mist and memory.
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? Various teens have attempted to get the fix on Freddy, having tried ripping the souls he’s killed from his body, setting up killer booby traps and burying his human remains in a cemetery (that’ll show him). All have failed.
Achilles Heel: Unsurprisingly, Freddy's not a fan of fire. Hellfire oughta do it, then...
James Bond
Why You Can't Kill Him: The one they call 007 has a touch of the Dr Whos about him. Regenerating every couple of years, he comes back in a new incarnation that’s generally meaner than the last. Aside from that, he’s just a really good spy, alright?
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? Not only does Bond survive this horrific car crash , he then faces horrible, length torture. A less man would break down and sob.
Achilles Heel: Bond’s always been a ladies man, and that’s where we spy potential for his comeuppance. Chuck a glamorous STD-carrying blonde his way and that’s the end of our favourite double-O.
Pinhead
Why You Can't Kill Him: Earth laws don’t apply to coenobite Pinhead, who’s a literal hellraiser, enslaved to the god Leviathan. He’s killed more men than you’ve had pints on a Friday, and discovered the Lament Configuration – which transformed him into an unkillable coenobite – after turning his back on God.
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? He’s been dragged back into hell more times than we care to count, but clearly hell doesn’t want him.
Achilles Heel: Pinhead’s one of those intelligent types. Occupy him with The Impossible Puzzle, which should keep him busy long enough for you to figure out a way to do him in.
Superman
Why You Can't Kill Him: They don’t call him the Man of Steel for nothin’. Alien visitor Superman is from Krypton, which means he’s made of completely different stuff to your average human. Bullets can’t penetrate his skin, while he’s quicker than a speeding bullet.
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? Even when he’s forced to hurl an entire continent made out of deadly Kryptonite into space, Superman bounces back from the brink of death.
Achilles Heel: Lois Lane. Create an evil clone, and he'll be wrapped around her little finger in no time.
Indiana Jones
Why You Can't Kill Him: Indiana Jones is sort of a 1930s version of John McClane, boosted by sheer bravado and the inability to let the bad guys win. Also, he has a whip, which doesn’t necessarily make him harder to kill, but it definitely makes him cool.
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? Can we say ‘giant boulder’, then add ‘voodoo sacrifice’, and leave it at that?
Achilles Heel: Snakes, naturally. Fill Indy’s house with the slithery menaces while he sleeps and he’s well and truly screwed.
Jason Voorhees
Why You Can't Kill Him: He’s cheated death around 11 times at last count, having survived drowning, being hacked to pieces, dragged to the bottom of Crystal Lake and burial. Jason Goes To Hell surmises that he’s got a worm thing in him that means he’s invincible, but we’d prefer to think he’s just a mean mofo who refuses to die out of pure spite.
If This Won't Kill Him, What Will? Jason pretty much ends up in hell - but even that can’t hold him, as he faces off against Freddy Krueger. Then there’s the whole remake cycle, which has resurrected him anew.
Achilles Heel: Mummy dearest. Jason’s a total mama’s boy, and would do anything Mrs Voohees told him. If she told him to lay down and die, we're pretty sure he would.
