AVP: Alien vs Predator (2004)
Batman & Robin (1997)
The Original: The original, Burt Ward-starring vehicle is tonally extremely similar to Batman & Robin , but Tim Burton’s Batman is where the franchise really got started. Gloomy, gothic and grisly, it brought the Caped Crusader to the big screen in spectacular style.
The Sequel: Whilst Joel Schumacher just about got away with the camp antics on show in Batman Forever , Batman & Robin takes it way too far. Not only is the execution bad, but the ideas are horrible as well. A villain who talks exclusively in puns, George Clooney as Batman, nipples on the suit, Batgirl… the list of problems is endless. What on Earth were they thinking?
Possible Fan-Edit: There’s far too much that needs changing here. We’d keep Michael Gough’s dignified performance as Alfred, but everything else can go.
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004)
The Original: Patrick Swayze sets hearts aflutter as the macho dancer with a heart of gold and a rebellious streak a mile wide. A walking contradiction then, but a charming one…
The Sequel: Romola Garai and Diego Luna play similar characters in this Cuban-set fantasy, originally written as a standalone film but slapped with the Dirty Dancing label thanks to a cameo from Swayze.
Possible Fan-Edit: Leave out Swayze and turn it into a whole new property. Billing it as a sequel is just confusing because, y’know, it isn’t one.
Son Of The Mask (2005)
The Original: The film that catapulted Jim Carrey to megastardom, as loveable chump Stanley Ipkiss, a man whose life is transformed by the discovery of a werid and wonderful mask.
The Sequel: Jim Carrey is nowhere to be seen in this sequel that came limping along some eleven years after the original. As for the plot, it involves Odin and Loki. What the what?
Possible Fan-Edit: If this had been released in the ’90s, somebody somewhere might have been interested. As for the actual content, even the worst elements of the original would represent a marked upgrade on this tosh.
Staying Alive (1983)
The Original: Disco classic Saturday Night Fever , in which John Travolta struts his sexy stuff to the strains of the Bee Gees, amongst others. Groovy.
The Sequel: Nobody would have picked Sylvester Stallone to write a follow-up to Saturday Night Fever , but that’s exactly what happened, with the action relocated to Manhattan, where Tony Manero is still waiting for his Broadway break. The result? Rocky on the dancefloor. A bizarre episode in Sly’s career…
Possible Fan-Edit: Perhaps Sly should have considered what made the first film great. Less flash and more heart is what’s called for here.
Evan Almighty (2007)
The Original: A hugely popular Jim Carrey vehicle in which God decides he’s working too hard and lets an average joe take over for a bit. Broad it might be, but the concept is a winner.
The Sequel: Jim Carrey wasn’t interested in round two, so instead the studio promoted Steve Carell from supporting player to leading man. However, instead of taking on God’s duties, he fills in for Noah, and has to build a massive boat. Mmm, a massive construction job! Sounds like a recipe for fun.
Possible Fan-Edit: There’s nothing wrong with promoting Carell, but the plot is all wrong. The first one was all about wish fulfillment, as a man literally gets to play God. The second is built around a task that seems like a massive pain in the arse…
Wes Cravens New Nightmare (1994)
The Original: A relentlessly inventive spin on the horror genre in which dream-stalking boogeyman Freddy Krueger stalks and slashes away at a host of teens as soon as they fall asleep.
The Sequel: Freddy goes postmodern in this off-beam but enjoyable sequel, targeting the creators of his own movie in revenge for having been killed at the end of Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare . Ooh, meta…
Possible Fan-Edit: We suppose a cameo from Johnny Depp would have been too much to ask for.
Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)
The Original: Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi go on the run in this uneven but brilliantly soundtracked caper. Great fun, but surely a one-off…
The Sequel: You’d at least expect them to come up with a new plot, but Blues Brothers 2000 sees Elwood escape from prison again, and head off cross-country… again. What for?
Possible Fan-Edit: Could James Belushi not have stepped in for John? We like John Goodman, but he seems an odd choice.
American Psycho 2 (2002)
The Original: A slick adaptation of Brett Easton Ellis’ pitch black satire, featuring a star-making turn from Christian Bale as city-boy nutjob Patrick Bateman.
The Sequel: Mila Kunis plays a student of criminal psychology whose babysitter was killed by Patrick Bateman when she was little. That’s about as far as the connection goes, as Kunis sets about killing off her competitors for a spot with the FBI. Utterly, utterly pointless.
Possible Fan-Edit: Having a question mark over Kunis’ childhood memories might have been advisable. Whilst the original left reasonable doubt over whether Bateman’s crimes actually happened, this clumsily confirms them in the opening reel.
Godzilla vs The Smog Monster (1971)
The Original: Godzilla is a giant lizard, and as giant lizards are wont to do, he spends the bulk of the movie smashing up Japan. And that, ladies and gentleman, is pretty much that…
The Sequel: This later instalment into the well-loved franchise sees Godzilla develop a social conscience as he goes head to head with a “smog monster” born out of human pollution. Green message ahoy!
Possible Fan-Edit: Convert Smog Monster into Mecha-Smog Monster and maybe we’ll talk…
