I'm not ashamed to admit that I am currently a bit rubbish at the Halo 3 Beta. If you've been playing over the weekend and come across someone looking dazed and confused on the battlegrounds of Valhalla or Snowbound, that's me who you shot in the face repeatedly. My only retort is that I'm an easy kill so you shouldn't feel too clever about nailing me. I'm like a baby rabbit dumped in a vat of hungry wolves.

The thing is, in an office full of gamers - many of whom are Halo experts - this Halo n00b is probably the most excited about the Halo 3 Beta out of everyone. For me it's a brand new challenge, so I'm almost blinkered to the cynical criticism levelled at it. (Of which the most common is, "What’s this then, Halo 2?"). I'm discovering it's a slow learning curve - I not only have work out how not to get f***ing caned within nanoseconds of spawning, I've also got to get to grips with the baffling parlance of Halo.

In another life, my FPS of choice was always the hugely under-rated cult shooter TimeSplitters 2. During extended periods of offline deathmatch (TS2 didn't ever get an online mode) we developed our own language and terms for artillery - the SBP-90s became the Butter Knives. The Rocket Launcher became the Roquettes, pronounced as if we were French. I knew exactly where to aim to take a man down with Jedi-like precision. It's this intimate knowledge of weapons and equipment which I lack in Halo 3.

As a starter I'm not entirely sure what the best weapons are; which explains why even when I do get a bead on an enemy for a few seconds, my 100 rounds seem ineffectual against their single lethal shot to my skull.  I'm also painfully aware of my lack of tactics. While everyone else seems to get a lot of kills by jumping up and down all the time, when I adopt the same strategy it makes no difference. I just fall further when I die.

It's also a bit depressing to get a shoeing from players apparently ranked lower than me. I'm guessing it's simply because they've only just entered the Beta. And that doesn't mean to say they haven't been playing Halo 2 for six hours a day since November 2004.  I wonder how long it takes them to realise that the player with the most stripes is actually the shittest? Probably around the 23rd time they’ve lasered my face off.

I am getting better though. In the past few days, regular bouts have resulted in my average kill count per match increasing from a pathetic one or two to a nearly respectable nine or ten - still, a long way before I can shout down the headset that I pwned everyone. Which is the dream. And, I really like the game. It's just what I expect from a shooter - fast, mostly smooth with simple and solid, visceral, no messing about armaments.

What this tells me as an experience is that Halo 3, even in its Beta incarnation, is clearly a much deeper FPS than I imagined. You can't just stroll around and apply existing FPS expertise to it and expect to clock up 25 kills. You've got to know the merits and nuances of the Spartan Laser over the Brute Spiker, when best to deploy the Grav Lift or the Trip Mine and exactly what the benefit of using the bubble shield is or, to put it simply, you're a dead man. I should know.

By the time they turn the Beta off on 10 June, Bungie will have notched up another Halo -devotee, highlighting the second, perhaps most important function of this test phase, a teasing taster of the full game, released on 25 September. I seriously expect some kind of withdrawal during the three month wait in between. But when it does return, consider this - I might be nearly as good as you.

*Gamertag aboutdesouffle will be getting hosed in the Halo 3 Beta quite a lot over the coming week. Feel free not to be gentle if you see him in a match. It can only make him stronger.

If you need to brush up on your Halo 3 skills be sure to check our extensive video guide to Halo 3.

May 21, 2007