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Why isn't Home coming to the PS4?

Sony recently released a great big FAQ about the PlayStation 4, answering a whole bunch of questions about controllers and Blu-ray and all that. Despite that, there's still one question they've been too afraid to answer: Why isn't Home coming to the PS4?

Well, never fear, my fellow Home-ies, because I'm here to tell you: It's on its way. I think.

First of all, Sony's not going to leave their customers hanging. I've been using Home since it came out, and believe me, I've got ALL of the best gear. Virtual clothes, furniture, powers, I've got it. Yeah, it cost me a few hundred bucks, but that's a small price to pay for living in the FUTURE. Sony's not just gonna stop supporting Home. That would mean that all the money I spent on that stuff was a waste, and I know that's not possible.

Besides, Home's not even DONE. The Trophy Room they promised back when Home was announced? You know they've been working around the clock on since 2007. They're just waiting for the PS4 to come out. Think about all the crazy lighting effects that they can do. My trophies are going to look incredible. You'll see.

Haters? Haters, I'm talking to you now. I see you out there, saying unhelpful stuff like "Myeh, I've heard that Sony's not gonna be supporting Home after March in Asia. Myeh, myeh." Well, call me Carmen Sandiego, because I'm about to take you fools around the world. Did you know that in 2009 there was a new version of the Sega Freakin' Master System? Well, there was in Brazil. Because if you thought outside the Xbox, you'd realize that, just because something's not supported in one country, doesn't mean it's not thriving somewhere else. And Home is at least as cool as the Master System.

And, hey, you think they're not bringing Home to the PS4? Guess what feature was announced for Home back in 2008? Video sharing. And guess what feature Sony's touting for the PS4? Three words: video, freakin,' sharing. That's right. I know you Xbots can only count to One recently, but, me, I can put two and two together. Why do you think video sharing got delayed so long? Because they were wanting to get it JUST RIGHT, and now with the power of the PS4, they can. It's not like they'd just promise it and not have it come out--that's not the Sony I know.

You know what else is on Home? A little series, maybe you've heard of it. It's called Harry Potter. That's right, we've got Pottermore on Home, and it's awesome. You can get house robes and everything. Hufflepuff for life, man. Only cost me $8.50 to get the robes AND the cloak. They're making a new Harry Potter movie, and where do you think you'll be able to get the virtual merch from that flick? That's right: Home. So, obviously the PS4 version will be out in time for the movie. That's what we in the know call a “release window.”

Also, just think about THIS: Vita support. Yeah, they cancelled Playstation Room for PSP, but that's just because the PSP couldn't handle the awesomeness of Home. Now that the Vita's out, they can make a version just as fantastic as the PS3’s. It'll be your Home away from home. Oh, man, that's good. I'm writing that one down.

Plus, if I don't have Home, how am I gonna meet people to play games with? I've met hundreds of friends in Home. Sure, some of them try to sell me pills from time to time, but they're just looking out for me. Not like I need those pills with all the ladies around. Heck, I've even been hit on. It happened when I made a lady avatar just to see what it was like. I didn't hold it against the dudes. That's just how the game is played in Home. It certainly didn't open my eyes to aspects of my personality I've tried to repress ever since I went skinny dipping with my bros that one time. And, besides, you know where else you have a bunch of dudes trying to mack on the ladies? Clubs. That's right, and Home is like the VIP club of online experiences. Except, in this VIP club, I don't get tossed out after trying to sneak in through an air duct that wasn't quite big enough for a human being. In Home, I go right to the front of the line.

I'm not worried at all. Home is an incredible experience that completely justifies all the time and money Sony has put into it. There's no way it's NOT coming to PS4. Now, I've got to get back to my PS3. I started writing this when I stepped out the doors in my Home apartment, and the outside Plaza has almost finished loading.

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20 comments

  • azooz-al-zahrani - March 11, 2014 8:28 p.m.

    Can you please stop making articles.
  • rxb - November 11, 2013 9:38 a.m.

    Very funny.
  • coyoteDUSTER - November 6, 2013 8:11 p.m.

    I goofed around on Home when it first launched. After 20 minutes or so, I asked myself "Why am I doing this instead of playing a real game?" Never went back.
  • brickman409 - November 6, 2013 2:47 p.m.

    Lol I forgot Home existed, it was kind of a big deal when it first came out too. It was one of the first things I did when I got my PS3, I messed around with it for ten minutes, realized it was crap, and then exited out of it. But then later they updated it and put some free to play games on it. Some of them were kind of cool like the Uncharted one and that simcity ripoff, but most of them were crap and the good ones started to charge you for everything a few minutes into them.
  • mothbanquet - November 6, 2013 9:08 a.m.

    Wow, this was...very well written! Kudos to you, sir!
  • mafyooz - November 6, 2013 12:21 a.m.

    When it was originally announced I thought it was a pretty good idea with some real potential. When it finally released I downloaded it with an open mind and went to have a look around. After 30 minutes of people doing some idiotic dance, seeing others having fairly creepy conversations with random people just because their avatar suggested that they MIGHT be female, and virtually queuing in a virtual arcade to play virtual bowling, I uninstalled that crap and have never ventured back
  • Fox_Mulder - November 5, 2013 11:38 p.m.

    The only time I ever used Home was to "experience" the E3 show floor. Other than that, once I figured out what Home was, I was never compelled to go back to it again. All the incredibly remedial free games in the world couldn't make Home any better.
  • Fox_Mulder - November 5, 2013 11:39 p.m.

    Also, amazing piece. Great jaerb.
  • GOD - November 5, 2013 10:35 p.m.

    After the first few lines I was getting ready to hate on this article... but now I'm all for it. Great piece of literature. Home is just the most awkward thing there could possibly be. It's like giving me a chat room with people I don't want to encounter that or more unwieldy to navigate through. It also gives me a hideous avatar that can only look worse through the purchasing of over priced digital accessories. It's what I always imagined second life to be... except I think as depressing as second life is, it probably has some positives over home.
  • Swedish_Chef - November 5, 2013 8:22 p.m.

    What's a home?
  • Fuzunga - November 5, 2013 8:01 p.m.

    It had the uncanny ability to make anything look depressing.
  • theguyinthecloset - November 5, 2013 6:34 p.m.

    What the fuck did I just read? Cooper, did you aprouve this? Did anyone read this before posting it?
  • Cyberninja - November 5, 2013 6:36 p.m.

    I think it was a joke article
  • BladedFalcon - November 5, 2013 7:43 p.m.

    Pretty much, Not even in the most fanboy filled corners of the Internet have I seen anyone even trying to defend or say a genuinely nice thing about home :P
  • cricket0 - November 5, 2013 10:36 p.m.

    Yeah, even I, a sony fanboy, cant really think of any reason to use Home. Its like a very limited version of Second Life for people who have even less of a life than those who play the regular version of Second Life, and that's saying a lot.
  • theguyinthecloset - November 6, 2013 9:15 a.m.

    It looks pretty serious to me, I guess I'm not good at that whole "joke" thing.
  • TokenGamesRadarFurry - November 5, 2013 9:24 p.m.

    Pretty sure the CEO of Future US aprouved this masterpiece.
  • shawksta - November 5, 2013 4:54 p.m.

    Someone whose name i cant remember for some reason said it best "Remember Playstation Home!? OF COURSE NOT, WE WERE ALREADY PLAYING IT, ITS CALLED ANIMAL CROSSING" Seriously though, Playstation Home was really underrated, it would be neat to see if they just give it a new makeover to the point where people would actually find use. I doubt it, but hopefully
  • BladedFalcon - November 5, 2013 4:36 p.m.

    ...Because it sucks, and no one with an ounce of self-respect wanted to use it? I thought the answer was super obvious...
  • Shigeruken - November 5, 2013 6:49 p.m.

    I was scrolling down to post the exact same thing!

Showing 1-20 of 20 comments

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