TMNT

Imagine an action game with three different buttons for jump, but a camera which often made it difficult to tell which one to use at any given time. Imagine an action game with one attack button that triggers one three-hit combo... one. Imagine a game with turtles as its stars - but they almost never run. Instead, they must jump nearly everywhere they go, leaping only from one designated launching point to that launching point's specific landing spot - dot-to-dotting over the landscape like obsessive-compulsive, routine-obsessed frogs. Imagine a game with four ass-whupping main characters, but you still only play as one at a time, with the others only occasionally joining in for a single special attack or to race you through a level. And then be amazed, bewildered and heartbroken that such a game exists: it's TMNT - in other words, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - for DS.

How does this happen? How does one of the most beloved beat 'em-up franchises in gaming history turn into a game where it's difficult to even move? In case you still don't have a clear mental picture of this mess, we'll explain further. Let's say you're running across a rooftop and want to leap to another one. You can't just press a button marked "jump" and push the controls in the direction you want to go. Instead, you look for a white light on the ground, and when you're close to it, start watching for a blue (or orange) flash somewhere around your destination.

When you get to the white light, you press X to leap forward, Y to jump left, or A to vault right - depending upon where the blue/orange light is. When you land on a blue light, you're done, the jump is completed and you can start looking for a new location to jump to. If you land on an orange spot - say, a pole, a slope, or a fence rail, you have to hold down B to charge your momentum by sliding, spinning, or just hanging there until the orange becomes blue. When it does, you can release and continue on your way.