The worst games that made it to number one

A look at the suckage that has stained the top spot

Number one. By it's very definition it should characterize top drawer excellence. But when it comes to the game charts we know that's not always the case. Here we present the very worst games - the absolute crud of the crop - that have made it to the heady heights of number one in the US and UK since 2005.


Hit number one: 10 February 2007
Platform: DS
Game Rankings average: 67%

Port of a decent 10 year-old N64 Mario Kart clone successfully made shit for the DS thanks to added repetition, odious furry racers, tedious touch-screen ideas and collectible obesity. It topped the US chart for a single week.


Hit number one: 23 September 2006
Platform: DS
Game Rankings average: 66%

We would make some joke about the only mystery being that this exercise in eye-gouging boredom actually made it to number one. But it's got Pokemon on the box. So there's no mystery.


Hit number one: 7 May 2005
Platform: PS2
Game Rankings average: 64%

Like George Lucas' beard, this typically shoddy movie tie-in was impossible to love for even the most rose-tinted Star Wars fan. Still, enough weak-minded fools bought copies to keep it at number one for a total of six weeks.


Hit number one: 30 September 2006
Platform: PS2
Game Rankings average: 63.7%

There's no doubt it had stupidly fiddly controls that made it less fun than waxing your crack, but at least NBA Live 07 replaced Pokemon Mystery Dungeon at the top of the pile. So that's something to be thankful for.


Hit number one: 2 June September 2007
Platform: Wii
Game Rankings average: 63%

So tediously slow it could bore a family of zombies back to death.


Hit number one: 9 July 2005
Platform: PS2
Game Rankings average: 62.8%

The only thing vaguely fantastic about this sub-standard pile of garbage was Jessica Alba posing on the box in her figure-hugging superhero costume.


Hit number one: 26 April 2008
Platform: DS
Game Rankings average: 62%

See Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team.


Hit number one: 17 February 2007
Platform: Wii
Game Rankings average: 61%

The best-selling game in the US in 2008. At number one for more weeks than we care to mention. Has sold millions upon millions of copies. Is currently enjoying its 100th week in the charts. Is massively shit.


Hit number one: 19 August 2006
Platform: PS2
Game Rankings average: 60.1%

Not happy with the finished Japanese version, Square Enix apparently 'overhauled' the game before its US and European releases. Obviously they don't sell turd polish in Japan either.


Hit number one: 30 June 2007
Platform: Wii
Game Rankings average: 54%

An expensive way to see your Diamond/Pearl Pokemon rendered in 3D. A cheaper and more entertaining way would be to model them yourself using freshly laid dog eggs.

Hit the next page for the worst games that made it number one in the UK since 2005.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.
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