The Top 7... Games where you play as food

Be careful what you eat, you might be digesting the saviour of the universe

Words: on April 27, 2009

Food is great. It's tasty, satisfying and it stops us from dying. But the life-preserving talents of the world's scoffables aren't limited to simple nutrition. Oh no. Since the dawn of (videogame) time, food has been fighting, racing, rescuing and defending its way through quest upon quest, saving days and rescuing damsels all over the place without a single thought for its own use-by date.

And you thought it just sat there in the cupboard, idly waiting for its demise by your eager mouth? Then let us fill you in on the most notable sweet and savoury saviours of gaming.

After more than two decades of increasingly-curmudgeonly jadedness, we're still frequently boggled by the kind of nonsensical branding that publishers tend to think comprises a sure-fire gold license.

Batman makes sense. He's hard as granite-tipped diamond, cooler than a nitrogen cucumber, and has more awesome toys than Hamleys. M&M's on the other hand, are small pieces of chocolate. Not only is their single jaw-dropping super-power the ability to melt in your mouth, not in your hand, they can't do so much as even move, except from bag to mouth. Via your hand. Unsurprisingly, their games are a big fresh slice of poop pie, and none moreso than Kart Racing on the Wii and DS, a racer so sluggish that it seems designed almost entirely around that latter property of its protagonists.

 

It's more than he deserves. Seriously.


 

While Mario and Sonic were ruling the console-based 2D realm in the '90's, the neighbouring province of European home computer gaming bowed to the unquestioned leadership of Dizzy the egg. The thick-shelled platform adventurer romped triumphantly through countless games from Codemasters' (yes, they of GRID fame) old-school factory of digital joy, securing himself a permanent legendary status amongst misty-eyed C64 nerds.

He even achieved the semi-believable feat of managing  to pull off sampled speech on the humble Spectrum a couple of times. It sounded rubbish of course, but at the time it melted our minds.

Fried platform game heroes are the core of a nutritious breakfast. Go to work on a Dizzy.

Related

Games:


Resident Evil 2 (PS1)


Mario Kart Wii (Wii)

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Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii)

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Platforms:

Wii, DS, GBA, PS1

Topics:

Top 7

46 Comments
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  • KillerPotato

    KillerPotato  - 2 years, 8 months ago  - Report

    Note to Self: do not eat video game, no matter how delicious it plays

    Great top 7!!!!
  • Demonflare

    Demonflare  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    Hahaha! Ninjabread man n Toad! I never new they would put Toad on here.
  • nik41507

    nik41507  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    i mean 42TH!!!!!!!!!!!
    NOW 43TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • cooolkid94

    cooolkid94  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    good article. lol :P
  • sharker

    sharker  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    actually tofu works for umbrella
  • Spybreak8

    Spybreak8  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    Hahahaha, tofu!? wow.
  • Teh_Ty

    Teh_Ty  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    Should have mentioned yhatzee in the dizzy adventure game.
  • abombb

    abombb  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    This could lead to some interesting discussions on the podcast. Good WTF article.

    Plus I would disagree with Alfred Chicken being on the list, because if we're included birds that are uncooked(and would not be edible), then Kazooie and Chocobos would beat Alred Chicken in a long shot.

    (Don't take my comment too seriously though, lol)
  • Shane1403

    Shane1403  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    who knew that heroes tasted so good?
  • bioshocker

    bioshocker  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    aww I was gonna mention ecco the dolphin :(
    but I can confidently say "Why wasn't Kao the kangaroo in this list?"
    Kangaroo tastes like beef
  • Ravenbom

    Ravenbom  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    While a little greasy and gamey for some, I rather like a little Jazz Jackrabbit stew every now and then.
    I think I'm going to have an Ecco the Dolphin sandwich... I mean, Tuna Fish sandwich today for lunch.
  • Sash

    Sash  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    James Pond anyone?
  • Gahmah

    Gahmah  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    I think the child for gingerbread man was eating something with its eyes still uncooked.
  • ButtersPTOM

    ButtersPTOM  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    No Kirby? I hear he's one tough cream puff... :(
  • Romination

    Romination  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    what about imagine party babies?
    those are the best food! they're more succulent than Toads and can have their skin used as boots or gloves! (Jonathan Swift totally agrees)
  • GoldenMe

    GoldenMe  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    Ugh, eggplants.
  • TheCrimsonChin

    TheCrimsonChin  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    cool as a nitrogen cucumber

    god im hungry
  • garnsr

    garnsr  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    Ah, Eggplant Wizard. Irritating bastard, but cool.
  • Hobojedi

    Hobojedi  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    Speedy Eggbert?
  • derringer83

    derringer83  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    "They didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It was quick."

    pretty much sums up why I come here.
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