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The Top 7... Fictional Presidents

Did you know there’s an election coming up?! Neither did we! Unfortunately, it seems the GR staff is just a few citizenships and felonies shy of the right to vote. But that doesn’t mean we can’t hammer home the importance of the electoral process. Because whether you know it or not, We The Gamers of America have been living through the worst era the presidency’s ever seen. What - No! Not George W. Bush. That dude’s awesome!


Above: Dubya solidifies America’s placement in absolutely everything

Make your voice heard! It’s up to you to make solid sure shit like this, the following article, doesn’t happen again. Gaming’s had its share of Commander-In-Chiefs, but we think you’ll agree that most of them are a disgrace to office. Even the best entries on this list are not without the occasional assassination attempt, violent coup or clandestine genocide. Thus the time has come to pick the seven lesser evils, and we believe we have a responsibility to this country to rise to the challenge. As do you, so if you need to take the day off to read this - do it!



CAMPAIGN PROMISES
- President Ronnie isn’t above breaking bread (bun) with the common man
- President Ronnie is a believer in vigilante justice
- President Ronnie is the enemy of Ninjas

EXCELLENCE IN LEADERSHIP
It’s widely accepted that President Ronnie was elected primarily on his platform of stamping out the American Ninja epidemic of the late eighties. Of course, his position was not without its detractors, so in an unprecedented political move Pres. Ronnie allowed himself to be heroically kidnapped by ninjas just to drive home his crusade.


Above: Shit Yeah!

For President Ronnie, the ends justify the means. He became a staunch proponent of unrestrained vigilantism during the period of his captivity and sub-martial law, thus allowing noblemen Blade and Striker to perform their civic duty: Massacring anybody standing outside after curfew not wearing a black spaghetti tanktop.

Once the streets were hosed free of blood and crushed bone (at tremendous taxpayer expense) the Dudes were honored with a congratulatory Burger Jam attended by the Chief himself for what could be the most patriotic killscreen of all time!


Above: US Diplomacy: Japan Style

Taft’s Trivia: In a historical coup de’port, the home version saw a regime change: On the NES, President Ronnie Raygun was out, and President Gord Bosh was in! (Although, just as unshakably resolute in his love of burgers.)

 

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Top 7

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29 comments

  • alf125 - December 28, 2008 5:22 a.m.

    VOTE FOR MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Elbo444 - November 3, 2008 11:08 p.m.

    FIRST!! awesome article, Fallout 2 ftw
  • GwaR - November 3, 2008 11:54 p.m.

    The Bad Dudes and the Metal Gears pieces had me rolling. If only everything could be as cool as it was during the Double Dragon clone days. Well done.
  • rockingamer247 - November 4, 2008 2:33 a.m.

    Hey!! What happened to President Harling from Ace Combat 5. That guy actually knew a thing or two about runnin a country
  • SpartanBannana - November 4, 2008 2:42 a.m.

    You should have included *Nasally voice* John Henry Eden
  • skyguy343 - November 4, 2008 2:44 a.m.

    i cant quite remember the prez from destroy all humans but he at least deserves honourable mention, i think
  • mirthor - November 4, 2008 5:12 a.m.

    dudes metal wolf chaos is the best game evar! any president with a mech who hates his vice pres gets my vote!
  • bron1417 - November 4, 2008 4:13 p.m.

    awesome article man.
  • Infinitybla - November 4, 2008 6:34 p.m.

    I totally agree with number one, and Sam's as well.
  • Diamondis - November 4, 2008 7:23 p.m.

    Is it just me, or does Big Boss look like the floating head from the old Gamesmaster TV show on channel 4? lol
  • Kerfluffle - November 4, 2008 8:12 p.m.

    The President in Destroy All Humans! is President Huffman you kill/disintegrate him near the end of the game and then impersonate him as president. It does deserve an honorable mention.
  • FancyRat - November 4, 2008 8:37 p.m.

    I'd vote for you, chrisat928.
  • misfit119 - November 4, 2008 10:35 p.m.

    It's amazing that people think that firsting makes them cool or something. It takes a special sort of something to make an internet poster seem even lamer than normal but these firsters have definitely found it. And I remember President Ronnie in Bad Dudes, that was awesome.
  • Fisforfat - November 5, 2008 10:55 p.m.

    I like how Dubya is on the Cowboys
  • key0blade - November 6, 2008 12:54 a.m.

    Hilarious GR, yall make my days sometimes
  • pdiddy0819 - November 6, 2008 8:53 p.m.

    funny article...get free wii/xbox 360/ps3 filling out surveys at-http://www.rewards1.com/index.php?referrer_id=448414
  • ethanoyak14 - November 7, 2008 11:52 p.m.

    they should put the president from the sonic the hedgehog series
  • chrisat928 - November 3, 2008 11:20 p.m.

    I want to run for president and my platform would be banning douchebags that write 'FIRST!' in their messages.
  • CuddlyBomber - November 3, 2008 11:21 p.m.

    Ah man I loled. Thats good shit Chris.
  • Z-man427 - November 3, 2008 11:47 p.m.

    game presidents make Bush look like a very competent leader.

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

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