The scariest clowns in videogames


There's something about misguided attempts to amuse children that bring with them a unique streak of terror, and nowhere is that more apparent than with the noble clown. Intended to be a harmless jester with a painted face and a slapstick approach to life, the image of the clown has instead become associated with creeping dread and paranoid mistrust.

Videogame developers have tapped into this instinctive fear of clowns, and that's why the realm of interactive entertainment is chock full of nightmarish harlequins that haunt our dreams and ravage our days. You’ve probably been sleeping far too well lately, so why not keep yourself awake with thoughts of some of gaming's scariest clowns? Go on, they won't bite... except for the biting ones.

Kefka Palazzo – Final Fantasy VI

Where can we start but with arguably the most famous clown in videogame history? Final Fantasy VI's Kefka is irrefutable evidence of what would happen if a clown ever wielded supreme political power: oppression, genocide, and wanton destruction. That is what all clowns want from life, and Final Fantasy VI proves it.

His list of crimes include not just a string of murders, but the poisoning of an entire city, marking out Kefka as one of the most famously barbaric and irredeemable villains of all time. His cruelty earned him a place in history, and a throne in the kingdom of our blackest dreams.

Sweet Tooth – Twisted Metal series

Perhaps the only other whiteface to rival Kefka in terms of fame, the rampaging maniac of Twisted Metal has become the franchise's principal icon. Needles "Sweet Tooth" Kane is a serial killer who drives an ice cream truck and promises to "hide under your bed, in your closet, in your mind." Shudder.

You only have to look at this decayed, grimy, sleazy monstrosity to get chills. One would rather have John Wayne Gacy entertaining the kids.

Jester – Devil May Cry 3

Winning an award for "most functional name in clowning history," the rather imaginatively titled Jester was a companion and hindrance to Dante in Devil May Cry 3. A distinctly unpleasant looking beast, Jester bears all resemblance to a malingering pervert, the kind of clown who has "secret tickle time" with the children he's attempting to amuse and owns a stack of highly illegal magazines featuring toads going down on fat old women.

It makes us wonder what he does with that giant nose of his.

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  • Gorlack312 - January 6, 2011 8:27 p.m.

    SECOND!! wait....what?
  • EAC73 - January 6, 2011 8:31 p.m.

    FIRST!! wait...what?
  • EAC73 - January 6, 2011 8:32 p.m.

    FIRST!! wait...what?
  • BlankBrush - January 6, 2011 8:45 p.m.

    I love these lists
  • Tronto13 - January 6, 2011 8:46 p.m.

    How could you miss out Batman: Arkham Asylum... THE JOKER?!?!??!?!?
  • tomasfr89 - January 6, 2011 9:12 p.m.

    You forgot the Broken Sword clown!!!!!!!!!!!! Or Are you to young to remember ¬¬ That maniac smile of a killer gives you the chills... And the one from Ace Attorney it's weird... you know, the kind who rapes children in their sleep.
  • NightCrawler_358 - January 6, 2011 9:31 p.m.

    Holy crap, my father bought me Twisted Metal when i was just a lad. i love the series, but it probaly had some negative effects on my mind. *curls up*
  • bamb0o-stick - January 6, 2011 9:33 p.m.

    "Also, that clown was driving the car that hit Jason. I guarantee it." LOL. I totally knew that clown that gave Jason the balloon was bad news. It just casted a bad feeling in the game at that moment. He and his balloons are evil!
  • deformedorange - January 6, 2011 9:56 p.m.

    Robert Bowling is a Stealth Clown!
  • FauxFurry - January 6, 2011 9:56 p.m.

    Everyone seems to be missing the carnivorous clown found in that old NES 'classic',McKids. I still see him from time to time on TV, on billboards, in fast-food venues and whereever cheap food and cheaper labor can be found,long after I've last so much as laid eyes on the game cartridge. The terror sticks with a person for just that long. I think its gotten to Ron English,too. The man is obsessed with the monstrosity like its his own White Whale to harpoon (or lampoon).
  • 510BrotherPanda - January 6, 2011 10 p.m.

    DhoulMagus looks like a creepier, less-funny Jay Leno. ...If that were even possible.
  • nicfonz - January 6, 2011 10:02 p.m.

    Does anyone else think that being afriad of clowns is just the "in" thing right now? Like boot cut jeans?
  • FauxFurry - January 6, 2011 10:17 p.m.

    @nicfonz-Coulrophobia never goes out of style,much like plain white T-shirts and wearing a single functional belt in lieu of composing one's entire ensemble out of them. Sarcastic responses to articles about these perennial paranoias might be the new thing,though. I don't keep up with all of the trends as well as I should sometimes.
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - January 6, 2011 10:27 p.m.

    You forgot the clowns from Left 4 Dead 2.
  • skeletalbutton - January 6, 2011 10:29 p.m.

    @nicfonz It seems that one day clowns stopped being children's entertainment and became the stuff of nightmares. Who isn't afraid of clowns these days?
  • KnightDehumidifier - January 6, 2011 11:09 p.m.

    Going old school, Fiendish Freddy of Fiendish Freddy's Big Top O' Fun. Four words sums it up best: Created by Chris Grey.
  • FALLINGINFIRE - January 6, 2011 11:48 p.m.

    I have severe coulrophobia, so thank you for the post :(
  • mostlyhybrid - January 7, 2011 3:24 a.m.

    ive always hated clowns. ALWAYS. this hasn't helped the matter either.
  • Haxorz - January 7, 2011 4:44 a.m.

    Clowns are a threat to all mankind.
  • CancerMan - January 7, 2011 6 a.m.

    Jesus Christ, what is that abomination from Heavy Rain?

Showing 1-20 of 27 comments

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