Techno wood-carving simulator includes lightsabers, severed human limbs, smoking penguins. GOTY

Developers of the world, down your tools, step away from your desks, and take the next five months off. The game of the year has just been decided, and unless you're an obscure Finnish designer going by the name of Pizzalaatikko, it is not your game. You see this year's greatest achievement in gaming will undoubtedly go down as Black Belt Sorvi Hero. There is no other possible outcome. This is one of the mostrighteous games you will ever play. And you can play it right now, because it's available for free download right this very second.

It's essentially Lathe Hero, wherein you're charged with carving a spinning piece of wood into a prescribed shape by way of various chiselling tools (upgradable by way of a tool shop on the side of your carpentry room). And the undoubted badassery of wood-carving is emphasised throughout by a banging techno soundtrack. And one of the tools you can buy is a lightsaber (red, dark-side version, for even greater badassery). And another is a severed human arm. In fact there are two, providing both righty and lefty options! And if you use an arm for too long, it will catch fire and fly the f*ck right off! Probably THROUGH TIME AND SPACE THEMSELVES!

Also, you buy the tools from a smoking penguin. He looks like the Linux penguin, except he's dead behind the eyes and smokes too much. But don't judge him, man. You weren't in 'Nam. You haven't seen the things he's seen.

Click here. Download it now. I just have, and you can consider my next three months of lunchtimes booked the hell right up as of right now.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I will love you forever for this beauteous gift.

August 09, 2011

It's essentially Lathe Hero, wherein you're charged with carving a spinning piece of wood into a prescribed shape by way of various chiselling tools (upgradable by way of a tool shop on the side of your carpentry room). And the undoubted badassery of wood-carving is emphasised throughout by a banging techno soundtrack. And one of the tools you can buy is a lightsaber (red, dark-side version, for even greater badassery). And another is a severed human arm. In fact there are two, providing both righty and lefty options! And if you use an arm for too long, it will catch fire and fly the f*ck right off! Probably THROUGH TIME AND SPACE THEMSELVES!

Also, you buy the tools from a smoking penguin. He looks like the Linux penguin, except he's dead behind the eyes and smokes too much. But don't judge him, man. You weren't in 'Nam. You haven't seen the things he's seen.

Click here. Download it now. I just have, and you can consider my next three months of lunchtimes booked the hell right up as of right now.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I will love you forever for this beauteous gift.

August 09, 2011