Spurious Awards

Magic dinosaurs, vending machine abuse, Being Human gadgetry and mix-raced monsters

MAGICALLY EXPANDING DINOSAUR OF THE WEEK

It seemed to be Cruelty To Vending Machines Week in telefantasy these past seven days, with defenceless snack dispensers coming a cropper in both the UK episode of Primeval and the US episode of No Ordinary Family . The loss of the machine in Primeval was especially cruel, as it seemed to possess magic powers. How else could you explain the fact that a dinosaur the size of a wild boar managed to hide inside it before leaping out and hunting down a hapless teacher? And on the subject of those doggy dinos – described as reptile/mammal hybrids in the show – how come neither of the two teenage boy guest stars (both of whom looked pale and geeky enough to be full-time, full-on bedroom gamers) mentioned the words “ Resident Evil ”? Especially later in the episode when Becker and Matt were gunning down hordes of the things as they leapt at the screen. Resident Primeval – now there’s a game franchise we’d like to see.

CURIOUS NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK

There’s a montage at the beginning of this week’s US episode of Medium featuring a newspaper headline harkening back to a couple of seasons ago, when Allison Dubois was “exposed” in the press as the freaky psychic helping out the Phoenix DA. And there are quite a few mock newspapers on show, so you can forgive them for cutting corners a bit. Which may explain why under the headline “Manuel Devalos Re-Elected” there is, instead, a story about the murder of a young girl, naming Clark Kerwin as the killer – which just happens to be the plot of the episode on a few weeks earlier, “The People In Your Neighbourhood”. They must be very green on Medium , recycling old newspapers like that.

LUCKIEST POKER PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Lord knows how this week’s Russian supervillain on The Cape managed to make a killing at poker when there’s a bloody great mirror right behind him. Maybe he just had the stupidest opponents in the world, though it’s hard to imagine they didn’t notice.

ROLE REVERSAL OF THE WEEK

Anna had pretty much made it clear already that it’s the women in V society who wear the trousers, but the whole role-reversal vibe seems to be going to extremes now. In the latest episode, Ryan warns his rebel associates about a V they’ve taken prisoner: “She has a tail too. Females can just rip it out whenever they have to.” (Cue Sid James laugh, then comedy double take…). Oh, and like last week, we’ve got another spoilery V Spurious Award for those of you who don’t worry about these things.

CRAPPEST HEAD MICROPHONE OF THE WEEK

Being Human USA’s Aidan clearly purchases his gadgets at the Dollar Store.

DEJA VU OF THE WEEK

So this week, No Ordinary Family decides to do a Die Hard pastiche, complete with a siege, hostages, Jim crawling through the air conditioning system and yes, even a, “Yippeekiyay!” But hang on. This all sounds very familiar… Ah yeah, Chuck did the whole Die Hard thing a couple of months back, much, much funnier.

BUT… BUT… BUT… WHY? OF THE WEEK
Jurassic Park ’s theme tune slowed down to create an hour-long ambient symphony. We lasted about three minutes.

Jurassic Park Theme (1000% Slower) by birdfeeder

ANGER MANAGEMENT OF THE WEEK
Family Guy does its own version of The Incredible Hulk .

CHILDHOOD DREAM-SHATTERING MOMENT OF THE WEEK

Kids back in the ’70s would fantasise about this moment, as they pitted their Captain Kirk action figure against their Steve Austin action figure (ignoring the fact that they weren’t to scale). Star Trek meets the Six Million Dollar Man – that would be awesome! The crossover to beat all crossovers. Apart from, perhaps, Judge Dredd and Roy Of The Rovers . Well, now it’s happened, sort of. Lee Majors and William Shatner together at last on The Shat’s new sitcom, $#*! My Dad Says . And it’s not quite what the kids had in mind all those years ago.

CROSS-CULTURAL HEAVEN OF THE WEEK
Last year we actually did a Blastermind quiz based on trying recognise films from their Polish and Czech posters, because those Poles and Czechs used to have a very distinct idea when it came to poster art. We’re not sure they ever actually promoted the films that well, but as works of art in themselves, they were often stunning. This week Pinktentacle.com posted a whole bunch of Eastern Bloc posters designed specifically for Japanese Kaiju (monster) films. They have a very singular beauty.