If you have a hot date planned, you’ll likely want something for you and your sweetheart to do other than gazing longingly into each other’s eyes. Sure, you could fall back on the classics: maybe hit some rounds of mini golf, watch a rom-com, enjoy a co-op video game, or check out the best Valentine's Day gifts for gamers. These are valid choices, I suppose … but what if you played D&D instead?
You only need to look at the raucous popularity of Baldur's Gate 3 or the prevailing D&D tradition of down-bad bards to see that RPGs are a great place to explore matters of the heart. As a genre centered on character progression and storytelling, it feels natural that romance would factor in somewhere. Yet I can’t help noticing the mysterious absence of the best tabletop RPGs in people’s love lives.
My D&D date night was something of an accident. In preparation for a larger, five-player campaign we were both to take part in, my partner of several years turned to me one evening and suggested we get some practice in. They were feeling a tad shy about hopping into their first TTRPG campaign, so they swung the idea of a sort of 'test run.' Due to his lack of experience and my desire to sow the seeds of chaos, I decided he was obviously the perfect candidate for GMing our session.
So, after he got through some frantic reading of The Dungeon’s Master’s Guide, we lit some candles, put on an atmospheric soundtrack, and popped up the DM screen. The evening wound up being some of the most fun we’d had in a while, and an experience that taught me some pretty valuable lessons about what it’s like to play a D&D session during a date.
Detect Thoughts
You can learn a whole lot about someone through how they approach TTRPGs. Oftentimes, a player’s character sheet is a reflection of how they think of themselves or the kinds of things they value. I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a hypocrite: I scoff at the idea of people judging romantic compatibility based on star signs but I 100% make assumptions about people based on what class they play.
Ultimately though, it’s more about what you do than what you are. No matter what side of the DM screen you’re on, you can gain a real insight into your fellow player’s humor, problem-solving skills, and how willing they are to think outside the box. For example, my partner is fiercely empathetic, so he took extra care to pad out the motivations of even the most inconsequential of NPCs. Not only did this stave me off a total murderhobo route, it reminded me of one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
In my experience, D&D is great for deepening bonds and creating memories with someone you’re in an established relationship with. However, there’s also something really special about adventuring in a budding relationship or even on a first date. Besides, if the vulnerability that comes with improvising dialogue and putting on crap character voices doesn’t break the ice, nothing will.
Charm Monster
Those old-school stereotypes about D&D players having no friends never really made sense. TTRPGs are an incredibly social hobby. In fact, the format of the game necessitates it. I strongly recommend that anytime you play D&D you do it with players you’re friends with.
However, I can’t understate how valuable it is specifically to have a DM that likes you. D&D has nothing on the tense politics of social deduction board games but there’s still plenty of negotiation to be done. There’s a reason the DM hides their dice roll after all. If the DM has a particular narrative in mind, those dice fall by the wayside. So, if your partner really loves you, they might not kill off your character … or at least they’ll consider it.
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Remember when I said TTRPGs necessitate you being social? That’s pretty fun, right? It totally is – at least until it comes to managing the headache of coordinating schedules with your fellow players. In-game, your characters may be full-time sell-swords but back in the real world your Cleric has kids, your Bard works night shifts, and your Fighter is training for a marathon. Gods damn it, it’s like your calendars never want to line up.
What if all you needed to dive into your next TTRPG adventure was the person you wake up next to every morning? If you live with your partner, you could basically find an excuse to play D&D together as often as possible. It also makes a great excuse to procrastinate running errands.
Spare the Dying
If I’ve happened to have convinced you already, it’s time for a word of warning. Provided your current relationship status isn’t ‘part of the world’s nerdiest polycule’, you’re going to find yourself lacking in the area of party composition. I sure did. Where full parties would have a healthy mix of tank, support, utility, and DPS characters, I was just one humble adventurer. Some classes are more well-rounded than others so that’s something to consider when rolling up your character.
Not to mention, the majority of pre-written campaigns won’t be built with solo adventurers in mind. As romantic as the prospect is, not every D&D dater is going to be looking to craft an entire homebrew adventure for them and their beloved to enjoy. If you’re opting to play through one of the best D&D books, you’re going to have to downsize the scale of the encounters to better fit your one-man party. Alternatively, there is a series of 3.5 and 5E-compatible adventure modules called Date Night Dungeon, that are specifically created with couples in mind.
Though the real problem is it’s hard to go back to standard date night fare. My partner and I are due to go out for dinner on the weekend and I’m fighting the urge to bring my dice bag and campaign notebook. Maybe we should stay in and play D&D instead.
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